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Scratched an itch

Molly's thigh with suspender belt and stockings for post called scratched an itch

I went on a date on Sunday. Well maybe a date is not quite the right word for it, it was more along the lines of a hook up. I knew why I was going and so did he. The he in question was the guy I had explored my summer of swinging with over 10 years ago prior to meeting Michael. We had been chatting on and off for a few weeks now and despite having a cardinal rule, of never go back, that I have lived by for a very long time now I indulged in some out of character behaviour and decided to break that rule.

So I put on a dress, stockings and suspenders and heels and set off.

Yes I ended up staying the night and yes I most definitely got laid. More than once in fact. However I also remembered why I have that rule, never go back, because despite all that it just didn’t feel right and I have spent quite a bit time thinking about why that was. I mean it was no strings attached, which was what I wanted, it was with someone I knew and felt like I could trust, and someone whom there was a mutual attraction with. On paper it ticked all the boxes. In reality something felt off.

I have spent a while thinking about it and this is what I actually learned from my date.

  • I am totally capable of having casual sex and it even being somewhat enjoyable, but for me connections with the person or people I am having sex with is really important otherwise it gets boring really quickly.
  • I want to spend time with people who know me and see me, or at least want to learn those things.
  • The conversations we have either side of the sex is actually really important to me.
  • Intelligence, self awareness, curiosity and a sense of humour are sexy.
  • Fucking without kink or an element of power exchange is not that interesting to me and for that to be present we need to really know each other and that is rarely going to happen in a casual sex hook up.
  • The thoughts and opinions you have matter to me. Turns out this one is pretty important to me. What you think or believe in really matters to me. I can, up to a point be your friend, but I have no interest in sharing my body with you. I am not going to fuck you if you are pro Trump or Brexit or hold transphobic, racist, sexist, misogynistic opinions.
  • I don’t want to be monogamous but I need to work out what non-monogamy looks like for me.

This is a whole new world to me at the moment. I never really expected to be free to explore like this again and I am slowly finding my feet and working out what I want and what is important to me. Whilst my date on Sunday scratched an itch (Although I now realise I wasn’t actually that itchy) in the sense of I got laid and the sex was pretty OK it also left me feeling a bit meh. However I am not sad that I went. In fact quite the opposite. Firstly if I hadn’t I would have always been wondering if there was some unfinished business between us and secondly I learned some really valuable things about me.

Working out how I want to live my life is really important but so is working out how I DON’T want to live it. Change can be scary and tough and the truth is this year has been a lot of both those things but finally now I am in a place where I feel some sense of peace with it all and despite that fact that it has been hard and sad it is time to regroup and move forward. To build a new relationship with Michael that preserves our amazing friendship and a life for me that is happy and joyous. Going on this date is all part of that journey and leads me one step closer to knowing exactly what I want and where I want to be.

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  • Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

  • Show Comments (16)

  • Marie Rebelle

    I am happy to see you are exploring, and finding yourself, and what works for you in the process. We can’t love someone else fully and completely if we don’t love and know ourselves, and our preferences.

    Rebel xox

  • PurpleSole

    Best of luck on your journey of discovery. I hope you find the future path that brings you the fulfillment you deserve.

  • Francesca Demont

    I love your attitude. So, it was ‘meh’. But now you know something you didn’t before and that’s worth more than a ‘meh’. It’s all a journey.

  • slavesuzi

    I hope you do preserve your friendship with Michael because in a few years when your hormones are done with you , friendship is the thing that matters more than sex and I never thought I’d say that. Explore as much as you want while your hormones still want to explore but we are time machines and the drives do change as we get older as do our priorities.
    Good luck

    • Cindi Rose Bliss

      Actually, hormones are just one part of the equation. I keep reading things like this that says that women will lose their sex drives with age. They don’t have to. I believe we have been “trained” to believe this because we have been told that women shouldn’t have a sex drive at all, that only men do and that we only have sex for two reasons… to have babies and to satisfy men. Both are wrong. We have sex because it feels good and it’s good for you. I am creeping up to age 70 and I had a hysterectomy 15 years ago which sent me into menopause. The doctor (a woman, no less) winked at me and said now I had an excuse to not have sex anymore. It never occurred to her that I wanted to have sex. And I still do. My libido is stronger now than it ever was when I was younger. Sex starts in the brain, it’s a matter of attitude and mindset. Just because your hormones change it doesn’t mean your sex life will. Years ago I met a lady at the doctor’s office and she told me she there for a sex check up. She was 92!!

      • Molly Moore

        I LOVE this comment. Thank you so very much for speaking up and sharing your experience.

        Mollyx

    • Molly Moore

      Clearly you have not read my other posts recently. Michael and I are no longer a couple. I hope we can maintain a friendship but he will not be my partner any more. Also I feel like you have not really read what I wrote in this post because what I basically said is I learned that sex is great but the friendship/connection with people is as if not more important than the fucking.

      As for hormones, not everyone’s experiences are the same. I many women in their 50’s and 60’s still having an active and thriving sex life so it is definitely not the case for everyone.

      Mollyx

  • May More

    “Intelligence, self awareness, curiosity and a sense of humour are sexy.”
    Amen on that quote.

    We can never learn unless we experience – so bravo to you. x

  • Elliott

    I am glad I read this, Molly, because I was thinking about you lately and wondering how you were. Adventures await, breathe free and find them.

  • Mx Nillin

    That’s great you got those lingering “what if?” feelings addressed with him through hooking up again and I’m REALLY glad it also gave you a lot of clarity on the type of sex and pleasur you want to be experiencing now, as well as who you’d like to be exploring b those with. I’m in a very similar place with needing/wanting my non-monogamous fun with friends or people I know/have a connection with.

    Excellent read! Looking forward to reading your next steps and new discoveries about yourself and your desires!

  • kisungura

    I’ve been wondering how you were and I’m heartened to read that you’re beginning your journey and finding what you want and don’t want from this new chapter in your life, I wish you well, always x

  • Jupiter Grant

    It’s great that you are exploring what you want. I wish you well on the journey x

  • Mrs TeePot

    It’s wonderful you’re getting to explore and I’m sure you will have a very enjoyable time figuring out what works for you and how you want your life to look.
    Personally I’m definitely the same in that beliefs and talk matter to me. Bigotry is my number 1 turn off.

  • missy

    I am really pleased that you were able to explore and I do think exploration is so much about what we learn. In order to find out more about yourself I am sure there will be sometimes which are meh and some which are wow and some will be a mix of both I imagine. I am sure that the complexities of the situation must also play a part but admire your courage in finding out what you really want. 😊

  • Chrisy

    I don’t even know where to start with this, so I will just say that I am very happy for you. I have gone through some changes as well and the lessons learned from changes are hard as fuck but to be able to see them in the light of clarity is more valuable than words. Deciding what we don’t want is just as, enough more than import than what we do want. As for never going back – I agree. But sometimes you need to find the clarity in that as well. Balance is a bitch to find but working toward it is an important journey.

    As for hormones and all of that – Scientifically there may be something to it but like most things, it is individual in nature. I am having more sex now than I ever did in my twenties and thirties and happy for it. It is a different kind of sex and it is wonderful. Our minds are powerful, our bodies amazing and we should never underestimate the power of them individually or combined.

  • askmefast

    A thought provoking post. I also agree with Franchesca, an experience that you are now richer for.

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