Terrifyingly close

By on October 15, 2015.

Beneath the bathrobe my skin is still flushed and hot from the shower. I stand at the end of the bed, watching him dry himself, chattering away to him. He nods and makes positive sounds in all the right places but when he moves around the bed and starts to unthread the belt around my waist I realise that he is maybe a not paying as much attention to my chatter as I thought he was. I grin at him as he pushes the bathrobe from my shoulders and it pools in a large black fleecy heap around my feet. I lean forward, asking, anticipating, offering a kiss but he grabs me firmly by the waist and in one swift movement tips me backwards onto the bed. There is more giggling as I try to recover and gather myself up onto my elbows but he is not having any of it. He kneels down at the end of the bed, wraps his hands around my thighs and drags me forward so that my arse is right on the edge of the bed. In only a few brief moments I have gone from cocooned in my warm dressing gown to lying exposed and open on the bed in front of him the feel of his warm breath on my cunt excitingly and terrifyingly close. I hold my breath….

***

I chose the word terrifying for a reason, because for me it is those thrilling moments of anticipation when his face is so close that I can feel his breath on me that really seem to tap into my submissive head. There is something about that moment, the intimacy, the closeness and the feelings of being very vulnerable and exposed that just work for me. More than a cock, more than fingers, he is close enough to really see my cunt, every single detail of it, he can smell me and any moment now he will be able to taste me too. You cannot be any physically closer or more intimate with my body than in this moment and it is terrifying and so wonderfully hot. When he pauses, taking his time to open me up, exploring all the delicate layers and folds of my cunt with his fingers and his eyes I will whimper and squirm. Being utterly and purposefully exposed and explored like that serves to build up those feelings of vulnerability which he has used so expertly to transform the act of cunnilingus for me into something seriously hot and thrilling.

For many years I viewed the whole thing as a bit of mystery. As a woman I had got the message that is was a sex act that I was meant to enjoy, a good lover should do this wonderful thing for you, and if they expressed an interest or desire in doing so then who was I deny them or myself this wonderful thing and yet, it was never really that wonderful. In fact my overwhelming thoughts on the subject were boredom which quickly led to feelings of confusion and conflict. What was wrong with me? Every woman wants a man to go down on her; it is in all the magazines, all the porn. It’s meant to be hot and sexy and orgasmic, not boring. In fairness to my partners I need to say that it was not their fault, it is not that they did not try, or were not good or dedicated to the task at hand, or should that be mouth? The problem was most definitely mine and it took meeting @domsigns to work out what it was.

For me to get off, for something to be hot and sexy for me it has to make me feel submissive. It has to make me feel controlled, not controlling, used not the user. I need to feel like something is being taken from me, that I am being made to do it, forced to accept it, that it is his desire not mine that motivates him (even though by doing that it is feeding my desire) I have to believe that he is the force, the decider, the driver and that I am his dirty, filthy slut. For cunnilingus to be hot for me it has to be performed as a selfish act, he has to be taking the pleasure from me.

When we first met online I can remember quite early on telling him that it was not really my thing and that if he liked it that was cool but there was no need for him to really do that for me as I didn’t get off on it. I had never had an orgasm as a result of someone going down on me. At the time I think he nodded but as with so much of our relationship I now know that it was just more information for him to store away and use when the time was right.

I can remember clearly the first time he changed my mind about oral sex. A bit like the scene above I found myself naked on the bed, legs spread and cunt exposed before I knew what was happening his mouth was on me. When I protested he paused, looked up at me and then bite my thigh before returning his mouth to my cunt. Every time he felt me relax he would trail his mouth across my cunt to the soft skin where it meets my thigh and sink his teeth in, or else dig his fingers into me until my cunt muscles literally ached for the need to have something inside me and for that he used his fingers too, rough and forceful, 2, then 3, pushing filling all the while licking at my clit until finally I came.

I once saw a tweet from a bloke on twitter in response to someone saying that going down on a woman is inherently a submissive act on the man’s part, his response was something along the lines of, not how I do it, I like to reach up into her brain with my tongue through a her cunt and I thought that was a perfect way to describe it for me. He can reach up into my brain and take my cunt from me because it is his, because I am his and there is absolutely nothing submissive about that, well not on his part anyway….

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Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker
Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss
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  1. *THIS*

    “For me to get off, for something to be hot and sexy for me it has to make me feel submissive. It has to make me feel controlled, not controlling, used not the user.”

    This is the only way it really works for me, too. It has to be tied to power exchange in some way (either mental or physical) or else not much is going to happen. As to the tweeter you mention … *fans self* I sure would like to know who that was?!

    Jane
    xxx
    Jane recently posted..Cunnilingus: Am I the only woman who’s just not that into it?My Profile

  2. I’m with DomSigns on this. Going down in a woman, far from being submissive is an act of ultimate control. Her orgasm is mine to grant or deny as I please; I am in control of her pleasure.

    I love the image of reaching her brain with my tongue through her cunt; that is exactly how it is and should be.

    KW
    Kilted Wookie recently posted..Ssshhh! It’s A Secret…My Profile

  3. I just love it. I love how much he loves me when he’s licking and enjoying his and my experience. I come almost every time and then again when he penetrates me and often a third time. We are all different, but I find it the most beautiful part of his love for me.

    However, I’m not into BDSM. Everything we do to each other is for them, to give them the best possible sensations. It is nothing about being in control and is everything about making the one you love experience orgasm.

    That’s our view, anyway.
    Angela Goodnight recently posted..A Real Redhead? – A Short Piece Of Lipstick Fiction ~ Peter StoneMy Profile

  4. You have just made me realise that is probably why I have never really enjoyed it until he found a way of using that against me and almost forcing me to enjoy it. Well that all makes a bit of sense in some twisted way!
    sub-Bee recently posted..Going DownMy Profile

  5. YES, so much this. That initial switch from comfort to vulnerability, the knowledge that it’s done as control – all of this. I think it’d have been way easier for me to navigate sex when I was younger if I fully understood that sex isn’t about *what* you do it’s often just about *how* you do it. I’ve been really interested to see how many people on this KOTW have said they’re not fans of oral, except in specific examples. Maybe there should be classes on this or something =)
    x
    Girl on the Net recently posted..Guest blog: “Fisting the wife until she comes”My Profile

  6. Picking up on what GOTN was saying, one of our subscribers has a book which we recommend to people who are new to oral sex or not certain what to do to get the most pleasure from it. It is a bit primitive, but apart from spelling cunnilingus incorrectly, offers good advice. We followed it just for the sheer fun of following someone’s instructions and the instructions certainly did it for me. LOL. This the link: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/oral_sex_manual
    Angela Goodnight recently posted..A Real Redhead? – A Short Piece Of Lipstick Fiction ~ Peter StoneMy Profile

  7. “For me to get off, for something to be hot and sexy for me it has to make me feel submissive. It has to make me feel controlled, not controlling, used not the user.”

    Yes! I understand this. I never thought that it is “inherently a submissive act on the man’s part”. That might be the case for some, but not for everyone. When Jamie eats me, he’s doing it because he wants to taste me. He wants to see how my body reacts. He wants to control my orgasm.
    Beck recently posted..I Had An AbortionMy Profile

  8. this is so it, when I see and feel and sense His pleasure, when I feel exposed, awkward, uncomfortable in my imperfect cunt exposed examined and there to be played with… but a woman does it, or if I do it to a woman, it doesn’t feel as controlling or vulnerable, more a mutual appreciation and exploration…

    • yes I completely agree with you, I didn’t write about my girl on girl experiences with regards to this subject as it kind of felt like a whole post on its own….*add to list of ‘things to write about’

      Mollyxxx

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