“Give me words that make my mind curl before my toes.”— Rachel Wolchin
sapiosexual (plural sapiosexuals)
- A person who is sexually attracted to a person’s intellect or mind before appearance.
“Intellect: is the ability to understand or deal with ideas and information.”
This is one of many definitions of intellect that I found but essentially they are all versions of this. I think the issue with intellect or what feels like an even more divisive term, intelligence, is that as a society we have become obsessed with trying to commodify it in a very one size fits all way. Our whole education system is essentially a tool to do just that. We have decided that exams passed = brains. Defining some ideal of what it means and setting arbitrary goals and levels that must be achieved if you are to be deemed intelligent.
Of course it is all nonsense. Intelligence is far more complicated than that and getting qualifications only shows one very specific type of intellectual achievement and it has no bearing on who you actually are as a person. You can have tons of qualifications and still be a bigoted shit stain who wouldn’t have the first clue when it comes to how to fix the dishwasher or how to take a great photograph or how to grow vegetables or how to care for another human being or…. any of the other multitude of amazing skills and knowledge people have that has absolutely fuck all to do with the exams they sat or didn’t sit.
When it comes to the term sapiosexual or sapiosexuality I am fairly dubious that it is a legitimate sexual orientation but if it is then surely everyone has it because I think for most people being attracted to someone’s mind is a huge part of what makes someone sexy. The idea that it is more important for some people than for other reeks of ableism and snobbery.
So my take on this subject is that brains are sexy.
I am attracted to someones mind. To how they think and what they think. For me to find someone sexy I need to find their brain sexy. Someone who is passionate about what they do (and that doesn’t necessarily mean their job, but whatever they are passionate about, is engaging and exciting. Being geeky about your thing (excuse the pun) is hot.
Of course someones brain can be just as much as a turn off as it is a turn on. If someone only consumes right wing media and have prejudice views then I am going to find how they think deeply unattractive. I know because it has happened to me, discovering that someone I was vaguely seeing believed that trans women were just men in dresses looking to assault his daughter is a public bathroom, well let’s just any attraction that had been there vanished before he even got to the end of his thought.
For me to find someone attractive it as about who they are as a person fair more than it is about how they look physically. Getting into someones head, exploring what they think, how they think, understand who they are and what makes someone tick is part of creating a bond with them. Finding someone that you click with on a mental level is for me the key to great sex. Their mind needs to be sexy to me. How they think, what they think, what they are passionate and knowledgeable about. How filthy their thoughts are and that our brands of filthy match. All that makes for a heady union. I want to know them and I want them to know me. I want connection and for me that is all in the brain.
Brains are sexy but they are also the place where sex happens. For me to get off someone is going to need to get into my head. To make that connection, find that click. Take the time to get to know me and read me. To know that the right words at the right time will have me creaming my pants. That playing with my mind is just as powerful, maybe even more powerful that playing with body but combine the two in just the right way and you will have me, quite literally.
And I will do the same for you in return.
The quote at the top of this piece fits this subject perfectly in my opinion. It is not my body that you need to turn on but my mind and it is your mind that I want to ignite so that your body can take pleasure with me. I want to talk about it. I want to share my filthy thoughts and I definitely want to hear yours. I like the exploration, the sparring that exploring each other brains involves. The revelation of ones dirty mind is like a slow striptease that with the right person eventually leads to blissful pleasures of the flesh. It’s all in the mind, even when we touch it’s our brains that make the magic happen.