If you asked me what my kinks are I would be tempted to answer “Do you have time to read nearly 10 years worth of blog posts? Because a lot of answers to that question reside right here in the and words and images I have created over the years but even then that would only give you some of the picture because what I have discovered about my kinks is that they are constantly being discovered and rediscovered. It is probably one of the things I love most about being kinky, that just when you think you have worked yourself out and know what you like and want you see something or read something or someone suggests something and suddenly you realise there is a new thing you want to try or an old thing you want to do again with a new slant or twist or maybe just or maybe just do it again because you forgot how much you liked it.
Kink for me has and I hope will always be a constant discovery. I love learning. I love learning me and other people. Learning what turns someone is a joyful thing, exploring their body and just as importantly their mind is utterly thrilling just as being explored and learned in return is a wonderful thing. Being someone’s study is fucking hot. It is also one of the things I love about the sex blogging community and reading sex blogs as I love learning what and why things turn people on. I can’t tell you how many times I have read a post by someone about something I had not considered before or even thought was not for me but reading their thoughts or experiences has resulted in my coming away from that piece with a new perceptive on things. I thank you all sharing and sometimes infecting me with your filth.
Exploring my kinks is my biggest kink.
There are things I can list that I love.
Consensual non consent
I could go on, you only have to read my blog to know that list is only the bare bones but sitting here those are the ones just jumped into my mind right now but ask me in a week or a month or a year and I know that list would be different. I suspect some of them will always be there but things will have been added or refined or dropped. But how helpful is this list? The answer is as a conversation starter helpful but without fleshing out what any of those things mean to me, without know WHAT it is about them than gets me off it’s just a list of random words.
It is that conversation, that discovery of myself that I love so much. I think I am a very self aware person. I know I think a LOT about who I am and what I need and what I like. Much of my writing here is actually evidence of that as I often use that as a way to think through things. It is and has been that journey into my kinks that I have loved most about being kinky and after more than 10 years of doing it I am still changing and evolving and learning and discovering and that is something that feeds a very core part of who I am.
Recently things have been changing for me; I have up until March been in a 24/7 D/s relationship for the best part of 8 years. I truly never expected that to change and then out of the blue, overnight in fact, it was gone. It’s been a tough. It was my safe space and something I felt very connected too. It going away has forced me to really look at myself and who I am and what I want. I loved being D/s but the honest truth is right now I can’t ever imagine going back to it again with anyone for that matter. I am going to say, never say never, because that is also something I have learned from kink but right now I feel like D/s in the 24/7 formal relationship sense of that word is a part of my history.
It’s been hard getting to that realisation. 24/7 D/s is very consuming and it can be easy to lose yourself in it and become utterly reliant on it. When that goes away the feelings of being lost and adrift are fairly overwhelming but with time I have found myself missing recovering from that and realising that for now at least it is not for me. The problem was that for a long time my kink was very closely wrapped up in D/s. To the extent that they felt like one couldn’t exist without the other. I realise now that is not true. My D/s can’t live without kink but my kinks can most definitely live and thrive without D/s.
So here I am a new chapter in my kink life. As with all things kink, it is as simple and as complicated as it can possibly be but I am learning, evolving and growing and that is what kink is all about for me.
I do understand how u must have felt lost when the D’s disappeared – overnight too – must have been a little traumatic really – the shock.
Wishing you all the luck any-how
A very thoughtful post, and one thing that most definitely struck me was this: “My D/s can’t live without kink but my kinks can most definitely live and thrive without D/s.”
I think we are all forever evolving and (re-)discovering ourselves throughout the different phases of our lives.
I think this is a really important post for you and shows that you needed some space to help you work out what you need. Funnily enough I identify with this I also think that I need kink more than I need D/s. I hope you are able to find the right way forward for you xxx
‘as simple and as complicated‘… that pretty much sums up life. Embrace your new chapter.
i understand and enjoy reading about your many kinks
I can’t imagine how difficult it is to lose that D/s dynamic which has been such a huge part of your life for so many years overnight. I wish you all the very best as you explore new horizons in kink. May they bring you pleasure and the self-knowledge you crave. ?