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A bit on the tired side

So last week I wrote a very short post basically saying Michael was in hospital. I really did think at the time that this week things would be back to normal but that is not the case. Michael was much sicker than even I thought he was, and I knew he was pretty sick. So here we are a week on and he is still in hospital. Today, finally bought a small bit of good news which is that his inflammatory markers in his blood have finally started to drop which means for now the next course of treatment has been put on hold in the hope that this is the beginning of things really getting better. There is a very slim chance he might come home at the end of the week but most likely it will be next week sometime.

You never really think this stuff is going to happen and even last week I thought it would be a few days and he would be home. The reality has been a shock. It is terrifying how quickly someone can get really sick and to say I have been scared would be a fucking understatement. So far I have sailed on through this but the last day or so I have found myself flagging. I am so very fucking tired, like in that way when your eyes are sore and your head is fuzzy and you can feel your body constantly trying to drag you towards sleep. I had a wank this morning and struggled to get off the bed afterwards because I could feel sleep washing over me.

I also have quite a few blog post subjects that are niggling away in my brain that I want to write but I need a bit more time and a lot more clarity for that to happen. I feel a bit like my life has been on hold since before Eroticon and this has only extended that. I suspect that makes me sound like an awful selfish bitch, I definitely know I feel fairly guilty for having those feelings and just wanting to get my life back. It all feels like such a mess at the moment and I feel like an utter shithead for saying that.

So this blog post is basically a ramble through my brain right at this moment which as you can see is a bit chaotic and rather on the tired side. Yep, sexy as all hell I know.

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  • Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

  • Show Comments (19)

  • eye

    Sending love Molly. It is never more important to look after yourself at these points nor more difficult. Hoping for better easier days for you all x

  • Posy Churchgate

    I’m sending you love and patience and calm and hope. You’re a do-er, someone who is used to sorting things out, making things happen and just sitting and waiting, at the double-slow-speed that the NHS runs must be so hard. It’s easy to see how difficult this is for you.
    Obviously I’m also sending every wish for recovery and positivity and increased health to Michael, but you need (as Eye so wisely said) to care for yourself while the Drs and nurses are caring for Michael. Please be patient with yourself, your swirling thoughts and your scattered emotions.

  • Joe

    Hi Molly, I hear you about feeling guilty. You’re human and you have to look after yourself; you are right to do so. You’ll be stronger and make better decisions because of it.
    I know I can’t change how you feel, but I can tell you I think you’re right to continue being aware of your own needs, and I, one voice in the darkness, respect you for it.
    I hope Michael is home & safe soon.
    J

  • May More

    You are so human for wanting your life back on track. Selfish – fuck no – It is so important to us all to have that world around us that is secure. that is what enables us to go and do all the other creative stuff – sexy stuff – what ever stuff.
    When your word is turned up side down for a bit it is scary. You need to look after yourself and your loved ones. That is not selfish. That is important xx

  • Kayla Lords

    You don’t sound at all selfish to me. There’s no doubt that you’re worried for Michael and that, of course, you want him better for his own sake. But it’s not wrong to acknowledge what all this has done (and continues to do) to you, too. (((HUGS))) my friend. I hope you both get good news very soon and YOU get the sleep you desperately need.

  • O

    You must be bloody knackered Molly and it’s not in any way selfish to admit like your life also feels turned upside down. I’m glad that positive news has arrived and that Michael is in the hands of experts. Such a frightening thing to happen, but it’ll be ok. Keep sharing your thoughts if it helps x

  • Cindi Rose Bliss

    I hope you can get some rest and find some balance, but that’s hard to do when you are worried and your whole routine is up-ended. One day at a time, for both of you and hopefully next week you will have some better news. We all care about both of you.

  • Mosscat

    Oh my dear you are not even a tiny bit selfish! Wish I cld come across the oceans and take care of you. Ulcerating colitis is nasty indeed and scary. Take care, take time and take up the help and support around you xxx 💙

  • silverdom

    Love and hugs from both of us to you two, as always.

    Also, have that guilt shit taken out and shot. Or do I need to come up there and do it for you? I can be there in 2 ish hours. 😛

    Also, also, please look after yourself too.

  • Marie Rebelle

    Oh my sweet friend, you are definitely NOT selfish or a bitch AT ALL. What you are feeling is totally normal. I know how upsetting and unsettling it can be if someone close to you is sick, and even more so when you have to make frequent trips to the hospital. Never feel like you are selfish, because somewhere in all of this you HAVE to take care of yourself too. You are just as important! Wishing Michael a speedy recovery, and that you can get your life to where you want it. Love you!

    Rebel xox

  • Jade

    You do not sound selfish, you sound like a very tired, worried human. All my love and long distance comfort to you both.
    Jade

  • Brigit Delaney

    I hope you get a chance to sleep a real sleep and take some down time. And I hope Michael is okay. Hugs and good thoughts are coming your way…

  • switchhitter46

    Hi, I can identify with you, and how you feel. I’m pretty much a caregiver for my wife, she has several issues, most trubling is a heart valve problem. And the many issues she has is preventing her from having that heart valve replace.

    Hang in there, and hope your husband recovers soon.

  • Silver Eagle

    My husband/Dom had a heart attack just before Christmas last year and had open heart surgery; a quadruple bypass. You are going through the same emotions, fatigue and stress I did, and I am sure many others have in the past. I could barely drive myself home from the hospital and dropped into bed as soon as I got home, and overseeing his rehab at home was exhausting for the two weeks he was not allowed to be alone. It took me weeks to catch up at home, at work, and at volunteer work I do. My husband has recovered from his attack and is doing well. It doesn’t erase all the worry but things will look better once he is at home, and even better once he becomes his old domineering (oh, should that be dominating?) self.

  • Hyacinth

    I love you, Molly (and Michael, too). When a loved one is sick it’s so scary and so so hard. I hope you can feel all my love from way over here!

  • Victoria Blisse

    Not a drop of selfishneess at all. I’t’s only natural to want your life to be coasting along, all your loved ones happy and health, time to sleep, all the things done. It’s totally natural.

    Be gentle with yourself. Crisis is difficult to cope with. All you need to do is take each day as it comes. I know it’s hard to get your brain to realise that (I get that feeling guilty thing, I really do) but you are doing your best, you are coping with a very difficult situation and you’ve got this.

  • Violet Grey

    You are definitely not selfish at all Molly (or a bitch either. You’re the furthest thing from it) It’s difficult to carry on as normal when a loved one is sick. You’re right, to say it’s scary is an understatement and it’s not easy. Be kind to yourself <3 Lots of love to you and Michael <3 xx

  • Bleue

    Love to you & Michael. Selfish, no. You want him back where he belongs, with you, in life as it is.

  • Jupiter

    Sending you and Michael best wishes and positive energies. Look after yourself.

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