Age Inappropriate

By on June 26, 2013.

Today on Twitter (25th June 2013) I got involved in a conversation with a number of people about appropriate or more worryingly inappropriate dress and tattoo adornment for older women. The implication in the original few comments seemed to be, in reference to tattoo’s; don’t get one where people might see as when you are older and have saggy skin it is ugly, and in reference to clothing, don’t dress like you are 25 when you are in your 40′s because it is unflattering. In addition there was also some comments that if you are a parent it is embarrassing for your children if you do either of these things. Sadly this is not the first time I have come across this type of thing, quite frankly I am greeted with it on a daily basis by much of the mainstream media, in particular the tabloid/gossip press that seem to be firmly of the belief that ‘sexy’ particularly in women, is the exclusive province of the under 30′s. However this attitude it is not exclusive to the media by any stretch of the imagination and what pains me the most is that it often seems to come from other women and even more frighteningly young women.

I am fully aware that my Mother thinks I am insane. She has never commented on my nose piercing that I only acquired at the age of 40, or either of my tattoo’s, acquired at ages 39 and 40, but I am fairly confident that she deeply disapproves of all of them, she has, however, on occasion commented on both my hair dye and most definitely on some of my clothing choices, most notably my hot-pants which elicited the comment ‘Do you go out at home dressed like that?’ along with a disapproving humph when I laughed and said ‘yes, all the time’. I know she is from a different generation to me, I am aware of her strong disapproval but she is my Mum and I do my best to just let it wash over me, but when I hear similar comments from young women (not directed at me but directed at women in general) I get cross. There is such a intolerance in it and an arrogance of youth that I detest. Yes we can all see you are young and beautiful, your breasts are perfect, your body is untouched by the wrecking ball that is pregnancy and childbirth, you have yet to form wrinkles on your forehead and around your eyes, you don’t look in the mirror and see the beginning of slight wattle beneath your chin, nor are you greeted with that, ever so slight dullness about your skin that starts to creep in as the elasticity starts to creep out, but trust me you will because what you have now is just a passing phase and one day you will be me, or your Mother, or your Grandmother but inside, beneath the packaging you will hopefully still feel like you are 25!

Feeling sexy, wanting to be sexy, wanting to express yourself with piercings, clothes and tattoo’s, that doesn’t go away you know? Oh I know for some people it does and for some they never have it in the first place but for others it doesn’t and you know what I say to that; Fucking yay for them, they have a life and a body and they are living it to its fullest and neither you, nor I should be casting judgement on them because of it.

I am not blind though. I see women (and men for that matter) out and about in outfits that make me pause and think “Hmmm, not sure that really suits you” or “Wow, I wonder if they know you can see straight through the skirt” etc etc but then I smile and I think you know what? As long as they like it, as long as wearing it makes them happy, or feel young, or sexy, or playful, or wicked or….. then good for them because there are way too many people in this world who are clearly not having fun or even more worryingly don’t know how to. Likewise if a women in her 70′s wants to get a tattoo on her arm, for all to see, why the hell she shouldn’t she, if that is what she wants. So what if her skin is old and wrinkly, does that exclude her from still enjoying her life and her body, how does this somehow offend your youth filled eyes?

So what of my roles as a parent? For some they believe that I should be sensible, demure maybe? Dressed like my Mother. Jeans are acceptable, hot-pants definitely are not….. tattoo’s should be covered, if present at all and as for the nose ring….

My children deserve better than that in my opinion. They deserve a truth. I want them to know that life doesn’t stop when you are 35 or 40 or 45 etc. That you don’t have to become an old man or women just because you are a parent. That you can still hope and dream and play and party. That you can live with power and grace and love and lust and everything else you damn well desire. That if you want to get a fucking tattoo when you are 65 the only thing stopping you might be how to get your pension money to stretch that far. I have tried my hardest to make my children see beyond the superficial, the colour of someone’s skin, their gender, orientation, beliefs, dress sense and their age. If I protect them from differences, if I fail to show them that life is for living to the absolute fullest and doing the things that make you happy as often as possible then in my opinion I will have failed them. As for embarrassing them, oh yes I do it often, and they groan at me and say “oh my God Mum do you have to” and you know that answer to that is… “Yes” because if I don’t teach them how to deal with being embarrassed then no fucker else is going to do it and if I don’t attempt to show them that being different, quirky, geeky, individual is OK then trust, me the world is absolutely 100% NOT going to do it for them either. Don’t get me wrong, it is not like I go out of my way to traumatise them, clearly that would be inappropriate in a whole other way, and I have always made sure that our conversations about things are age appropriate but they both know that I write adult content, they both know that includes photography, they will one day need to know and understand more and I am sure there will come a day when they wish it would go away but I hope by then I will have given them just enough gumption to face the doubter and judger’s head on and say… “Yep that’s my Mum, she is bonkers and embarrassing, what can you do eh?” and maybe when they are 40+ they will know that is OK to still be wacky, sexy, or whatever it is that makes them happy and feel alive because anything else is not living it is existing and I spent way to many years doing too much of the latter and nowhere near enough of the former to ever want that for them.

Before I continue and in doing so invite a sea of people commenting on this post telling me that this is not the attitude of all, I know that. I have lots of friends of all ages and I know many people don’t think like this but I also know that many do. I have seen it in their eyes, I have heard it in their comments and I have read it in their words time and again. Do not think I attribute this to all youth, or all women, or all people, or all media but if you are guilty of it then I am pointing at you.

Anyway, after the Twitter conversation of yesterday I decided to write this post and me being me that also included illustrating it and so I disappeared up stairs and had a rifle through my wardrobe in search of a, shall we say, youthful outfit. I could have chosen a fishnet dress or sexy lingerie but I wanted something I would actually go out to a local restaurant or pub in, something I might wear into London maybe on a night out with friends. When I returned downstairs my daughters said

“Why did you get changed Mummy?”

“Because I wanted too”

“You look pretty” she said

“Thank you”

“You should paint your nails pink too”

“Another time maybe” I replied laughing

“Are you going somewhere?”

“Only into garden to take some pictures of myself”

“OK”

And then she proudly showed me that she had gone to school wearing odd socks today

My son appeared shortly afterwards (he is 13)

“Where are you going?”

“No where”

Why are you dressed like that then?

“Because I want to be”

“Humph… Your weird”

“I know, but so are you with your shorts barely clinging into your hips and those bright purple underpants on display but that’s OK”

With that he shot me a look that teenagers do when they are trying to be grumpy with you but are actually having to cover up a smile to do so and flumped off to his hovel of a room.

And I went into the garden with my camera, tripod and trigger and took these for you…

Molly wearing pink dotty dress

…and while I did I thought about what I had read today and how it had made me feel. I guess at 41 I should be behaving better, surely it is time to grow-up but I grew up when I was 25, way before I should have done, and it was a big mistake, one I don’t have to keep reliving every day just because I am no longer 25.

showing of pussy in the garden

And if at times I embarrass my kids or dress in an outfit that was designed for a young girl to wear so what? As long as it makes me happy and I am having fun who cares?

Dottywm-3

Although I am fairly sure at 41 you are meant to have your big roll up panties on but I am sure you can decipher my feelings on that. I am only 41 for Christ sake I am not dead… yet!

Dottywm-2

So if you chose to judge me because I am not young any more but wear clothes that you think are not appropriate for a woman of my age, or flower pom-pom’s in my hair, or post naked pictures of myself on the internet or write about my kinky sex life, or have my nose pierced or my skin tattooed then I am sad for YOU because very very soon you will be me and then when are you going to do?

Dottywm-4

For me, I plan to continue on and live the rest of my life to its absolute fullest because as I said on Twitter very recently as a result of a friend’s death. Live your life today in a way that makes you happy because NO ONE, young, old or anywhere in between is ever guaranteed a tomorrow and when I am done here in this life I plan to arrive at the pearly gates (I don’t believe in heaven but still I like this idea) wearing a short skirt, no panties, a glass of wine in hand and some dried cum stuck to my chin and find the person who is in charge of handing out  the smokes because in heaven no one cares if you smoke or not and age doesn’t mean anything.

I didn’t write this post to elicit your compliments on my appearance. Obviously if you wish to share them then that would be lovely but I wrote it because despite looking OK for my age I wanted to point out to people that when you talk about ‘women in their 40′s’ or ‘dress your age’ or make comments like ‘anyone would think she was 25 not 45′ etc etc you are talking about ME and all the other women who are my age and older and in doing so you disrespect us all, every single woman who went before you and every single one of you that will come after us.

Mollyxxx

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Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker
Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss
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69 Comments

  1. Molly

    Thank you for speaking up for all of us women who believe that age should not restrict you in any way.

    I got my first tattoo at 43 and planning another larger and more visible one soon, my children are proud of it and I frequently hear ‘Look at Mummy’s tattoo’ before at little hand grabs the bottom of my shirt to reveal it!

    They come out of school telling me their friends think I am weird and I dress funny, I would rather be weird than boring. I embarrass them often, everytime they tell me that is what I am doing the reply is the same. ‘I’m your mum, that’s my job’.

    They accept differences, they have friends of different backgrounds, races and religions. That in itself makes me feel like a good parent.

    As they grow I want them to have the confidence I didn’t have as a teenager or young woman. The confidence I didn’t find until almost 40, the young women who tell us to act our age, dress according to your age or just grow up have yet to face the subtle and no so subtle ways in which society discriminates against mature women. Their time will come.

    xGGx

    • THIS>>> “I want them to have the confidence I didn’t have as a teenager or young woman”

      I totally get this statement. I was shy, quiet, and I really had no idea what left had to offer if I really wanted it. I don’t want that for my kids I want them to be bold, brave and go-getting in their attitude to life.

      Mollyxxx

      Ps… My daughter loves my tattoo’s and wants to know when she can get one, my son is interested but quiet on the subject. he is 13 though, so words are not is strong point!

  2. I know I said I wasn’t going to get involved with this discussion any more… but damn, woman, that’s a magnificent post. Also love love LOVE the photos: especially second to last. You look gorgeous, but more importantly, happy.
    Harper Eliot recently posted..A Love Letter to BrittenMy Profile

  3. This! Just this. You summed up my feelings on this subject perfectly. I am younger than you (Just turned 30) and I have children too. I was shopping for clothes the other day. My guy jokingly said “Get miniskirts” I said “I think I may be a little old for that now” Afterwards, it got me thinking. I am only “too old” if I think I am and screw that theory. People, never stop being yourself and living your life in the fullest way possible. I am always inspired by those 70/80 year old ladies and gents you see on TV partying in leopard print mini skirts and living life like they were 25. Always makes me smile and I hope that will be me. I hope when I am 70, my kids have to say “Your not leaving the house like that are you” lol Thanks Molly for sharing this post.

    • I completely agree with you. I will be delighted if my children are telling me off for ‘bad’ behaviour when I am 70+. I will see that as a total win!

      Mollyxxx

  4. Molly, you are wonderful!
    i have told my children i am going to grow old disgracefully and they’d better get used to it. Maybe confidence comes with age, to be able to say, don’t care what you think, i like wearing shorts so i’m going to, despite one of my best friends saying you really shouldn’t wear shorts over 40. And the same applies to my short skirts, i like them so they remain a wardrobe staple.
    Brilliant piece of writing.

  5. I think the only time it’s appropriate to critique clothing is when someone is on the job hunt and that goes for people of any age. Too many people around here going for jobs at businesses like banks wearing booty shorts and a halter top.

    Outside of that who the hell cares what people wear. I’m sure people critiqued me behind my back when I went shopping in 90 degree weather in a hoody, pajama pants and slippers but if they had asked me and found out about my cancer or anemia and the fact that it took me hours to find the energy just to get to the store, let alone have to fuss with clothing maybe they’d feck off.

    You have your work at home job, a husband who loves you and kids who enjoy your presence. Wear whatever the feck you want to. Oh and you are the same age as Silver and neither of you look your age at all.

    You are so pretty in whatever you do or don’t wear. Honestly, you’re one of the few people who I would actually have a picture of you up on my wall (preferably the one of you naked in the flowers). Continue to rock on lovely!
    Bunny recently posted..#SinfulSunday I Make Good On A Penguin PromiseMy Profile

    • Awww Bunny, thank you so much. I know your journey through ill health was tough but you do paint a funny image here with your tail of shopping in your PJ’s. Good for you for being determined to keep going no matter what.

      Mollyxxx

  6. I loved this post, and agree with it whole heartedly. Though it did take me awhile to gain confidence that age is sexy, with role models like you, hopefully it gives others confidence to do so. With my daughter, I need to be a role model, because as you’ve stated, society and all others will not teach her to be proud and confident young woman.
    Cammies on the floor recently posted..Clear VisionMy Profile

  7. OMG OMG OMG, Molly you had me laughing and giggling and nodding my head in agreement. This is a fun post, yes, but what you say in here should be read by every women, no matter her age. Because the younger ones should know that indeed one day they will be us. And older. There should be respect for all ages, from old to young and from young to old.

    Just like you many times feel I have written your thoughts, I now feel the same. I am the same kind of mom you are. My kids always had a mom who was just being herself and not caring whether others thought she was weird. I have my tattoos, I color my hair and I wear mostly short skirts. They love me for who I am, thank go for that!

    And hey, I will join you at the pearly gates, not for the smoke but damn, they will allow us some sexy fun too, right?

    *grins*

    Rebel xox
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  8. Molly this is a great post in regards to sending a message to women that no matter who they are or what age they should indeed be themselves, inside and out. I see your tweets sometimes and I see this dislike you have for how you look sometimes, I hope you do absorb what you’ve written here a little more, because it is awesome to see you in those pics just loving yourself and you are indeed a gorgeous smart woman I would happily lye in bed with.

    Women in general I tend to stay away from because they just seem to get off on being snidey with each other and hating on each other either to face or behind back. I know that doesn’t apply to all women and I’m no angel but I aIso know it’s not easy to be nice to other women when you hate yourself. So please anyone who reads Molly’s above post absorb it because she is right if you love yourself you can love others, it’s not easy I can’t do it myself yet. But it should be a goal we can reach together.

    x
    Saint1ess recently posted..ExChange: Cable TV for On Demand TVMy Profile

    • You are so very right sweetie. I am not perfect at this by a long chalk. Sometimes I see younger women and I mourn the lose of that. I know that is something I need to work on. However I am also proud of the way I look and I enjoy my body, my clothes, my shoes, my tattoo’s etc. The key is finding a balance. I think looking at younger people and thinking… Damn I wish my arse looked like that etc is completely normal, yes sometimes I will have moments when it makes me sad but in general, I am OK with it. I think some of that comes from the fact that I have a strong feeling that I wasted those years when I was younger being VERY married and forgetting about me and more importantly about fun!

      As for bedtime… yet again another person I WISH I lived closer too. I think we have much in common and would enjoy each other in SO many ways.

      Mollyxxx

  9. Oh, hurrah!! I so could have written this post because at the chronological age of 51 I feel more like 19 and describe myself as ageless. I too meet with a lot of disapproval from family and am told constantly that I need to “grow up!” despite the fact that I have a very responsible career and I am good at what I do. I am very intolerant of ageism and believe that if it works for YOU that that is all that matters!

    ~Kazi xxx
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    • Thanks Kazi… Sadly the disapproval from family extends to my work as well but I refuse to give up on my happiness and my work to make them feel better. I have a life to live. We do only get one after all

      Mollyxxx

  10. I spent my 20s worrying whether I was up to the mark. When I hit 30 I realised the only mark that mattered was my own, I relaxed and started to enjoy life and as someone who hits 50 this year whilst I may not have tattoos, I did have my nipple pierced this year!
    I can only say as I have found, the older you get, the more you realise that you should enjoy your yourself, live life, dress how you please, be a bit more daring.. and the older I get.. the braver I get too!

  11. Who ever said youth was wasted on the young is right. The older I get the more confident I become. Grow old gracefully? Don’t count on it. Growing old disgracefully – HELL YES! I don’t get why people are so ageist but then as you know I do not suffer fools gladly. I think I am more interesting and much more fun to be with the older I get. Also I am WAY naughtier. I would never have dared in my 20′s doing the things that I have done in my 30′s…it makes me really look forward to my 40′s. What is going to happen? Who knows…world domination possibly.

    Rachel x
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    • Yep, that’s me growing old disgracefully!!!! 40′s is OK… although you do suddenly start to notice your body looking older. It is not something I particularly enjoy but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t enjoy myself anyway

      Mollyxxx

  12. Well done you for writing this post, it is just fabulous and as other commentators have said EVERY woman young and old should read this!

    I am 48, I have 9 tattoos in total (so far) the first one obtained in my 30′s, I have a vertical clit hood piercing (and would consider other intimate piercings), I carry too much weight (which I want to work on), sometimes I feel insecure with myself BUT the one thing that keeps me young at heart and living life to the full each and every day was a car accident in which I nearly died. When something like that happens (or other life changing events) it really does make you look at things in a different way.

    I suspect that I shall write posts where this post will be an excellent reference point and I hope that you are happy for me to link back to it if I do.

    Thank you so much Molly for putting into words what so many of us feel.

    ~Mia~ xx
    Mia recently posted..Simple GestureMy Profile

    • Oh please do write something and yes feel free to link back. The car accident doesn’t sound like fun at all but I can see how it could change your outlook on things for the better.

      Mollyxxx

  13. I’m 51 and enjoying myself more than ever. I joined Twitter last year and discovered a whole new world of clever sexy women who have been an inspiration. Thank you for posting this!

  14. I love the idea of “dressing for your age.” What exactly does that mean? Is there a handbook which states that 364 days after your 29th birthday you need to quickly go to the shops and replace your wardrobe because you are soon to be middle aged and you need to prepare for it?

    Are you only allowed to buy slippers once you reach 30? Etc

    I suppose I should take it to mean that the person has chosen to dress in a style that the majority of the “vocal” population would deem as inappropriate. But then the majority of our vocal population likes reality television and 50 Shades, so I wouldn’t care at disagreeing with them.

    If it makes you happy then surely life is all good?!
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    • Thanks John! This line so made me laugh “But then the majority of our vocal population likes reality television and 50 Shades, so I wouldn’t care at disagreeing with them.”

      Mollyxxx

  15. Bravo, Molly! What a wonderful, wonderful post. I must say my mum, bless her, has been a wonderful role model for me as far as age is concerned (as it sounds like you are with your little ones). She’s well into her sixties now and still likes to wear her skin-tight leather trousers. :-)

    (You look beautiful in these pictures, by the way.)

    Jane xxx
    Jane recently posted..Flat-chested heroinesMy Profile

    • Thank you. I am not claiming to be any great shakes in the parenting department but I do believe it is important that they know life is for living no matter your age.

      Mollyxxx

  16. Oh Molly dear, how I adore you, without ever having met you!

    I just got back from a weekend away with W, and away from the internet, one in which I am quite certain I did not dress or act “my age” in any way…except that my age IS my age, so since I am being ME I guess I am acting my age! It’s those other people who look down their noses whose age I am not acting.

    I wish I would have been online for the Twitter discussion you were involved in. I am sure I would have had more than a few 140-character snippets to add to the conversation.

    I have much to add to this, much to say on the topic, as I have had a post about age bouncing around in my head for awhile. I need to get the damn thing written. Hopefully this will be the catalyst. You know, right after I post some more “inappropriate-for-a-woman-of-a-certain-age” photos. Heh.

    Jade

    PS- Your outfit is adorable, as you are. :-)
    Jade recently posted..Kink of the Week & Sinful Sunday – ClothespinsMy Profile

  17. Well said Molly. I have a very good role model in my own mother. She’s one of those high energy and young at heart kind of people. She’s also one of those, do what makes you happy for christ’s sake kind of people. I’ve always had her support
    in the many stages of my life. She’s a 65 year old, Zumba dancing, corvette driving lady. I hope to be just like her as I get older.

    I actually still dress like i did at 18, today at 35, but then again, I was always more of a jeans and tshirt kind of girl. *chuckles*

    It’s interesting because just the other day, I started thinking about the fact that I am getting older and have a tongue ring and I should probably start thinking about taking it out. But I came to the conclusion that the ring will come out when I am ready for it to come out. It will have noting to do with my age.
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  18. Brilliant post Molly.

    I was curious after reading this and went back and read the conversation on Twitter. I am completely baffled by the idea that only young people should get tattoos; we all age and the tattoos will still be there, so why does it matter?

    And what is an “appropriate” way to dress at any age really? Or an “appropriate” way to act? I’m 26, and regardless of age I’m aware that some people think my blog and the way I act is beyond “inappropriate.”

    I definitely agree with your comment about saying someone should dress in a way that looks attractive being “close to ‘fat girls should not be wearing tight clothes’ or older women should be sexless.” Saying someone should dress their age is implicitly saying that a whole age group has a certain way of dressing that should be adhered to. Saying older women shouldn’t wear sexy clothing is basically saying that older women shouldn’t be sexy or sexual. I am a sexual person, and I like wearing revealing clothing and fun outfits, and I don’t plan to change that as I age, why should I?

    As Blacksilk mentioned on twitter, you are an inspiration, to people of all ages. Sometimes I fear aging because I feel like I am supposed to, and because I know that ageism and judgments will be waiting for me. But people are already constantly judging me, and luckily I have strong women like you to look up to.

    These images are beautiful and are some of my favorites you’ve ever posted. You look gorgeous and so happy and comfortable with yourself.
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  19. I had no idea you were over 40. Far as I’m concerned, you’re (you general, not you specific) only “old” if you stop loving life.

    M’s a corporate techie, so we spend a lot of time at dinner meetings and parties. A few years ago, we went to this awesome banquet hall with amazing staff that may, unfortunately, have to close down because it’s on the bad side of town, and keeps getting robbed.

    There’s an older woman who works there. She’s probably in her 60s. She still dresses like a teenager, and has bright, fire engine red streaks in her hair. I thought she was totally bad ass, and told her so.

    Later, I was making the rounds, being the good corporate wife and chatting up M’s coworkers and their wives. I happened on a conversation about the woman with red streaks in her hair, and how she was way too old for that.

    “Wait, what?” I asked, and the women proceeded to tell me how at a certain age you have to start changing the way you present yourself, become more respectable…ultimately, they were saying you have to “grow up” in your appearance, your activities and your personality.

    “Fuck that!” I said. “I’m gonna be me no matter what age I am, and that includes how I dress and how I wear my hair.”

    Those ladies didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. Lol.
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