What’s in a name

by Molly Moore
silhouette of man sitting on chair

There are not many rules or rituals that are part of our D/s relationship. I don’t have daily tasks or assignments/jobs that I must complete. Sometimes I do, he will set me a task, like completing a piece of writing, or having a bath and a wank and sending him pictures of it. Sometimes there are even ongoing ones like, I want you to suck my cock every day this week, but we both seem to generally prefer an element of spontaneity when it comes to these things which why I think one of big agreed upon rules is that he gets to have what he wants when he wants.

It is a key part of our D/s dynamic that was originally proposed by me and one that I will regularly reiterate to him, often whilst trying to be distracting, because I love knowing that he gets to take whatever he wants whenever he wants regardless of what I am doing, where we are, etc. (clearly in the middle of the supermarket would be inappropriate but we both know that and I know that I can trust him to choose wisely for us both)  When he wakes me in the night by pushing his cock into me and fucking me purely for his own release even though I probably won’t orgasm it doesn’t matter because it is a big turn on to me, just writing that sentence made me wet, and it feeds the part of my submission that gets off on being used.

We do though have a couple of other rules to our D/s relationship.

No shouting (on either persons part)
Never dismiss him with ‘whatever’
No biting
No leaving my hairbrush on the bed
Wear my collar everyday
Call him Sir

Of the few rules we have this is one that started right at the beginning of our relationship and continues to this day.

Before we even met in person we had discussed this topic long and hard and between us mulled over many different options but for me Sir was the one that I just naturally seemed to gravitate too and one that he enjoyed hearing and so we agreed that he would be Sir

That does not mean that I can’t or won’t refer to him as Michael. I often do in my writing here and when we are with other people I would nearly always use him name when talking about him. So I would say

Michael said…..

as opposed to

Sir said….

but then in the same moment if I was addressing him directly I would nearly always use Sir.

eg, “would you like another drink Sir?”

Having just written that thought I immediately realised that actually his ‘title’ for want of a better word has also changed over the years because a lot of the time I tend to actually call him Mr Sir. Don’t ask me why, it just evolved into that and has stuck. We have discussed it and he is fine with it too, Sir or Mr Sir, both of them work.

However because I am me, which means I am easily distracted it is not uncommon for me to forget to use it. Sometimes he will let it slide but of late he has been of the opinion that I have been ‘forgetting’ on an all too regular basis and he may well be right about that. It is not a conscious decision to not use it mind you, but definitely a result of stress and lack of time to focus. That is not an excuse, merely an explanation, to myself as much as anything which resulted from him asking me recently if I thought that maybe I just didn’t want to call him Sir anymore.

The fact he even asked me that really shocked me. It made me realise just how important it is to be sure that everyday life is not eating your soul so much that you are ‘forgetting’ about the things that are important but also can seem small or insignificant when your mind is overwhelmed with other things. It made me realise that we need to both be aware that we do not always lose ourselves in work, parenting, worries and stress and forget to be Sir and Slutmine. (His name for me)

My initial reaction to the question though was not thoughtful and insightful but a knee jerk reaction of fear and sadness. Fear that he didn’t want that anymore and sadness that I had been just that crap that he had felt the need to ask.

Once he calmed me down and assured me he was not planning on leaving me nor did he not want me to call him that I spent a bit of time really thinking about his question and despite me saying my initial reaction was not very thoughtful in some ways it was insightful because when I examined my reaction I realised that it told me all I needed to know. Calling him Sir is what I want to do, not just because he likes, or desires it, but because I desire to do so. It is what he is to me. He is not just Sir either, he is MY Sir, my Mr Sir and even when I don’t say it aloud that does not mean it is because I don’t want to or don’t see him that way, far from it, I love my Mr Sir and I love being his Slutmine and just like the part of our relationship where he gets to take and use me as he desires calling him Sir feeds a core part of my submission and I can’t envisage that ever changing for me.

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May More August 16, 2017 - 9:11 pm

Each relationship has its own rules but I can’t help thinking that partnerships would work so much better if we were all just happy to give pleasure to the one we love. It’s wonderful you get wet just thinking about him using you for his pleasure. I get that completely. I think one of my daily jobs is to make my man feel good. I want him to feel good -I love him.

Cammies on the Floor August 16, 2017 - 10:50 pm

“how important it is to be sure that everyday life is not eating your soul so much that you are ‘forgetting’ about the things that are important but also can seem small or insignificant when your mind is overwhelmed with other things”, all the yes to this! I often lose my focus of what is significant and meaningful in my life and let it slip by unnoticed.
How thoughtful for him to ask, and as always – how meaningful your reflection

Cara Thereon August 17, 2017 - 1:01 am

I loved reading your heart in this. And because I’m a silly girl, this made me a bit teary. I love seeing you two together, it truly makes my heart happy.

Nero August 17, 2017 - 1:10 pm

I think Mr Sir is a great name. If it slips out whilst in the company of others and raises an eyebrow you can just dismiss it as a private joke without raising suspicions. Sir on the other hand… well even vanilla couples know what that means now.

Molly Moore August 17, 2017 - 1:17 pm

We are in a very privileged position to not really have to worry about that. All of our friends are fully aware of our D/s relationship as is many people in our family, the rest of them I don’t care what they think and so I call him both Sir and Mr Sir openly in public.


Marie Rebelle August 18, 2017 - 8:37 pm

It seems that life sometimes just gets in the way or distracts us. Like you said, not an excuse, but an explanation. Over here many things have been almost non-existing and where in the past I would have gone panicky for not having it, I don’t have the energy even to begin to panic. It will get better again, I know. As for titles, my title for Master T in Dutch is the same as yours for Michael 🙂

Rebel xox

eye August 21, 2017 - 1:54 pm

Names are important. I was told a long time ago that it was up to me what I called him, and initially I thought that was because he didn’t care. However I now know the pleasure it gives me when I call him Master is mutual and this reinforces my desire to do it

Kayla Lords August 23, 2017 - 11:34 pm

We found ourselves in the same trap of every day life eating our souls too. It wasn’t a good moment when I realized what was happening. The reminders and the rules can be excellent ways to tether ourselves to the here and now of our relationship. 🙂


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