Fifty Shades Of Me

by Molly Moore
Naughty school girl giving the finger

I am submissive. I know this is probably not a shock to many of you but bear with me this opening sentence is important.

Yesterday Sir and I read a number of journalistic articles that had been written in criticism of another article. The subject that connects all these pieces is the novel The Fifty Shades OF Grey. Like a nasty case of head lice no matter where I look on the internet at the moment I seem to end up reading about this book, or reading about someone’s opinion of someone’s opinion about this book and nearly everything I read makes me cross. You see all these commentaries on the book talk about being submissive as if it was a theory, a fantasy, a subject to read about. If I read a version of this line ‘What we really have to ask ourselves is why are woman attracted to reading about this subject?’ or even worse ‘Why do independent, young, educated, career women still secretly harbour the fantasy of submitting to a man?’ Obviously I have paraphrased these quotes but as I said I have read some version or other of this sentiment over and over again and it makes my fucking blood boil!

Firstly the notion that this is some filthy secret that woman are holding onto, that even though we are educated and ‘free’ we still all long to be chained to the kitchen sink. Secondly there is the hidden undertone that being submissive means you cannot be ‘independent’ or ‘have a career’, which implies that submissiveness goes hand in hand with what? Lack of intelligence? Lack of ambition?  Lack of imagination? Or the best and most common one of all seems to be weakness. Poor weak women who all secretly want to be dominated by a man….

Of course all these articles don’t really spell it out so bluntly but you read enough of them you will find there is a common theme running through all them and that is that really and truly, at the end of the day, is that it is only a book and these are just fantasies that woman have, after all we have fantasies but that doesn’t mean we act on them… does it!? So in conclusion, these writers seem to be saying, we shouldn’t worry too much, woman like to have fantasies and read about them, that doesn’t mean they actually want to do it. I mean really… spanking?

It is this attitude that is starting to make my blood BOIL. The concept that it is OK for woman to have these fantasies and read this quirky little novels as they rush to and from their high-powered jobs, or make lunch for their strong and healthy brood whilst managing their on-line home business or charity or school board or whatever it is they do to show they are not just a stay at home mum. I have not read a single article that has asked the question, do woman live in D/s relationships, if they do what are they like? The media seems to be happy comforting itself with the fact that this is just fiction…. aww bless, women now have their own Harry Potter world to indulge in.

Can you tell I am angry? I fucking hope so. You see I am submissive. I like to be used and abused. My body craves the touch of his hand, the twisting pull of my hair, the rise of heat in my skin as he spanks or flogs me, the blood running down the back of the my legs after he has used the vampire gloves on me. I want to be tied down, legs spread and fucked by him for his pleasure. I want him to cum on my face and watch while it drips down my chin onto my tits, I want to be marked, bruised and sore from his touch. I want to be made to throb and ache and beg and cry. I want to be on my knees in front of him, I want to be destroyed by my desire to do these things and then I want him to pick me up and fix me…. until the next time

There is more though, I don’t want to be in charge all the time, I have spent most of my life doing that. It makes me anxious and stressed. I can do it, but it is not a place I blossom and thrive in. Oh I can hear you thinking, ‘she needs a man to be able to manage her life for her.’ NO! I want a man who can live my life with me, who can harness the parts of me that need him to be strong and a leader but also knows when to step back and just let me be me. I don’t want a bully or someone with a controlling nature; I don’t want arbitrary decisions just because he says so. I want to talk and negotiate and be heard and acknowledged. I want to be seen and known and understood.

When I first meet Sir I said to him, if you are looking for a woman who is going to stand quietly in the corner, bowing and scraping to your every need, washing the dishes, cooking the meals and cleaning your socks then you have come to the wrong place. I am submissive, not a servant*. I want to be shown that you are worthy to be followed. If anyone mentions topping from the bottom at this point it would be a mistake as I might just rear up and eat their face off. Expecting my Dom to show me that he is the right man for me is not topping from the bottom, Surely getting down on my knees and sucking someone’s cock JUST cause they tell me too would make me fucktard not a submissive.  Disagree at your peril…

Am I weak for being submissive? I don’t think so and if you know me or have met me I am fairly confident that you would agree with me. Being submissive to him does not make me a weak person, in fact I truly belief that being that self-aware and confident in my own needs and desires and willing to act on them actually takes a great deal of strength and trust in yourself. Yet all I read in the media seems to imply that submission = weakness and that woman are somehow selling themselves short by being submissive. I challenge that. If I hid my desire for this or denied it because of what people might think wouldn’t that be the weakness? By standing up and saying this is me and I want this, knowing myself like this and learning about my desires and needs, that has been empowering, fulfilling, liberating, challenging and most of all satisfying but weakening?

I am submissive, I am a Mother, I am a woman, I am a slut, I am a writer, I am a photographer, I am daughter, I am British, I am sexy, I am intelligent, I am impatient, I am scared of balloons, I am in love, I am a good friend, I am complicated, I am needy, I am passionate, I am unsure, I am highly self-critical, I hate being late, I hate the rain, I hate the cold, I hate rules (I know, go figure?!) I am thoughtful, I am forgetful, I am a thinker, and I am His. I am brave enough to start that sentence with I am submissive because I am not ashamed of it despite the fact that everything I read in the media at the moment which is telling me this is just a genre of fiction, I know different. I am not a work, a fiction, I am a woman. If being gay was written about in the same way that being submissive is currently being written about in the press with all its judgements, ill-informed rhetoric and implications that it is just a fantasy world for people there would be uproar.

I don’t really give a crap whether the book is written well or not or whether you have enjoyed reading it or not, this is not about the book. What I do care about is the way submission is being written about within the popular media. The implication that by being submissive is somehow a betrayal of woman’s rights, that it is a backward step for woman into the dark ages, that submission is about being a housewife, that sexual kink is a fantasy we can read about, that being open about your sexuality if you are a submissive woman is frowned upon. At best they seem just about able to acknowledge that woman might at times enjoy some bedroom kink but cannot even begin to entertain the idea that woman, who go to work, have families, jobs, responsibilities, thoughts in their head and intelligent opinion, can also be submissive. It seems that being submissive is something to be ashamed of, it is something no self-respecting woman would actually openly admit too. As I read in an article the other day… “Woman don’t want to be spanked they just want to spank (insert name of woman who said she wanted to be spanked) into silence”.  In all these articles I have read there is not one genuine submissive woman having her say. I know you are out there, I read your blogs, or your tweets, or go out to dinner with a whole group of you. You are women who work full-time jobs, who run companies, have employees, children, businesses of their own, successful writers, photographers, artists, and so many other things besides, none of you are weakened by your submission, in fact quite the opposite and yet you are silent or should I say silenced because the media has decided they are only comfortable with you as a work of fiction.

Just to be clear, I have not read the book Fifty Shades of Grey and at this point in time don’t intend too. From what I have read about it, it has as much to do with being submissive as Interview with a Vampire does about being a journalist. It is a work of fiction about 2 people but unlike Interview with a Vampire it touches upon a lifestyle and a sexuality that many people identify with. I can’t comment for sure on whether it is a good read or not and as I said above this rant is not about the book is it about the fact that submission, in particular submissive woman, are being talked about as genre of fiction rather than real life fully functioning people. It is about the fact that the media only seems comfortable talking about submission in terms of fantasy and writing and not in terms of lifestyle and choice. To those people who continue to write about female submission in the same way they write about vampires….

Naughty school girl giving the finger

Fuck You!


Ps… *(I am aware that for some people servitude is something they do want, I am not knocking that just saying, it is not me) and sorry I have not linked to any of the articles but there really are tons of them and they all say roughly the same thing. Google is your friend

Pps… Click on the icon below to see who else is joining in with Wanton Wednesday

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llellsee April 18, 2012 - 1:03 pm

Fantastic post! I have heard so much said about this book and have been surprised and outraged by some of the subtle (and not so subtle) criticisms of female submission showing up in these articles! Being a Domme it wouldn’t be my usual choice of erotic novel but with the amount of publicity it is getting (good and bad) I’m pretty tempted to buy a copy.

inspirerae April 19, 2012 - 1:58 pm

Why buy the book when you can Google it and find a pdf of it for free. Also try Googling “Master of the Universe by SnowQueenIceDragon” same thing. This was the title of the story as Twilight fanfiction before it was published. All she did was change the character’s names.

JacquelineB April 18, 2012 - 1:12 pm

Brava. Fantastic post.

Lily April 18, 2012 - 1:14 pm

Katie Roiphe, the author of the Newsweek article that a lot of the reaction centers around, has made a career of cheap shots against women. Her first published book was mainly about questioning whether date rape was actually rape. (Her second book was about how it’s a woman’s fault if she doesn’t have a good career — if she wants to have kids she has to suck it up, and her third book…well, you get the idea).

But she can still get on the cover of Newsweek because male editors love to see a woman attacking other women.

Steve April 18, 2012 - 1:15 pm

Bravo Molly! A beautiful and passionate piece which they fuckwits of Fleet Street should read. x

Emen April 18, 2012 - 1:41 pm

I will not lead an unexamined life. I will not live with such an important part of me unexpressed. This is an accomplishment I am very proud of. I am submissive.

Rebel April 18, 2012 - 2:25 pm

Brilliant post! Ab-so-lu-te-ly fucking brilliant. Thank you Molly, for putting these words to paper. Having a high strung job in senior management of an international company, I don’t see myself as weak. And I definitely feel that being submissive does not make me weak. In fact, letting go, giving the control to someone else… it takes a strong person to do just that.
Rebel xox

KaziGrrl April 18, 2012 - 2:56 pm

I do have to point out that much of the reaction comes from the books themselves, which make D/s out to be a psychological phenomenon, and if it is one’s only exposure to D/s then the public reaction makes sense… if you catch my drift. People went off half-cocked after reading these without doing any research.

I will also say that these books were originally pieces of fan fiction, so I had to smile when you mentioned about D/s being written about the same way as vampires are… because that’s exactly what happened. The Twilight fan fiction has many such examples. I will admit it’s how I came to kink, though of course I’ve moved far beyond that as you well know.

I read many reactions to these books in groups on Fetlife where people feared that the general public would get the wrong idea about D/s… these fears appear well-founded, unfortunately.

~Kazi xxx

Lilly April 18, 2012 - 3:54 pm

Love this post!!! I really rebelled with the last Dom anytime I felt like my submission to him was coming off the way this book describes. Of course I since realized that there are shades of grey and sometimes I liked it but many times I did not. I wanted to still be respected and revered by him.
Love that pic, hehe.

Phoenix April 18, 2012 - 3:58 pm

Hear hear! And what about women like me who are never ever mentioned? I don’t want to submit to a man! I want to submit to a woman, they miss me out completely when writing these articles! I don’t fit with their narrow opinionated views I suppose!

Hella Rouge April 18, 2012 - 4:04 pm

Many people, submissive or not, will do things to please a new partner and to win their approval. I’ve certainly been guilty of playing the sub for a dominant man because I loved him, not because I have any natural desire to do so. The same can be said for open relationships, dress sense, how one presents their appearance, breaking off friendships because of jealousy, getting rid of beloved pets and so on. There are extremes for every ‘relationship rule’.

The book hooked me in as a great read and the consequential BDSM and sexual nature is second to the psychological aspect for me. Ana isn’t a natural submissive, she isn’t aware of any submissive inclinations at all. She does, however, have a whole lot of love for someone who is adamant that his relationships have to be of the D/s persuasion.

I agree that there are many other books which represent a D/s relationship in more favourable terms, but this story for me is more about the things we do for love and how our relationships change us. That’s where the empathy lies. The fact that it’s also titillating makes it heinously addictive.

mollyskiss April 18, 2012 - 4:33 pm

Thank you for this view on the book. As I said in my piece this is not a criticism of the book, which I have not read but it is a rant about the way submission is being written about in the media. If someone wrote a book about a lesbian relationship and the media picked it up and used it as an authority on lesbian relationships there would be uproar. Yes this book is a work of fiction…. NO, female submission is NOT a fictional only subject.


Hella Rouge April 18, 2012 - 4:59 pm

I fully understand where you are coming from, it’s frustrating to be painted as a stereotype. The media takes its interpretations of BDSM from scandal and from art and it relies on the creators and the practitioners to tell their stories or create their pieces.

I’d be willing to bet many mainstream print and web magazines would love to hear from loving, consensual partners who live this lifestyle and offer a more ‘realistic’ view (as subjective as this is to the individuals involved), but they don’t appear to be coming forward with the goods. Fifty Shades of Grey has gone down a storm in the media and they lapped up any view they could get, but there have been no ‘We’re The Real Christian and Ana’ stories out that I can find.

mollyskiss April 18, 2012 - 5:12 pm

Do mainstream media do any research? The web is awash with blogs about people living these lifestyles… maybe approaching some of these people and talking about their lives with them would help them to get a broader view. I would love to be approached or write my own article for someone… no body has asked me though. Maybe I need to go to them….


Gear Jammer April 19, 2012 - 3:51 am

Go to them if you wish, Molls, but the fact is that unless your story offers them a sales potential, it won’t matter. So very very very little in the media today is about research for the sake of knowing either a set of facts or (God forbid) the whole truth. It’s about selling stories so that advertising rates can at least be maintained, if not raised.

That fact, my dear little sister, is why books like this sell. They stir people up, and this author (given this writing and the history mentioned elsewhere in your comment timeline) does not seem to care – as best I can tell – whether the stirring is of a negative or a positive nature. In the end, it requires a great deal less mental energy and effort to stir up people with a negative outlook.

I think that the media’s response to all this has now received about 150% of the effort they deserve from me, but you are worth it, young lady.

My best to Him, and the two, and naturally, to you.


Newt Kai April 18, 2012 - 4:40 pm

I first read your husband’s tweets. Was moved by his humor and obvious love for you. Then I clicked through and found your blog. It was without a doubt a very defining moment for me. I came to the internet with my kink in mind but wanting to see all of the color and sounds and tales of others.

What I found was what I thought I wanted. But then in reading your words and following your Weds & Sundays…. I saw the romance in play and submission that was far beyond my experiences. To say it opened me is a understatement. It made me understand wants, it made me ask questions.

You are a fascinating person in a fascinating relationship..Raising kids, doing normal & not so humdrum things in life. I am glad you wrote this.
Because being kinky or submissive or which ever “Tag” we fall into, just accentuates the creative thriving people that we are. I am glad your proud of that.

~Newt Kai

mina lamieux April 18, 2012 - 4:40 pm

Really great post Molly. Society is just too scared to face another form of sexuality and it sucks. The US still battles the “being gay is not a choice” war. So many institutions and people there will tell you being gay is just a phase someone has to get over. So it really is no surprise that society will refuse to see this as a viable sexuality as well.

I really wish I could be more open. Maybe one day. I just want to write freely and say “Yes, this is me. I love sex and everything about it. I am strong and powerful because I embrace it. And yes, I am submissive too.”

Alex Domitius Longus April 18, 2012 - 6:05 pm

I wonder what it says about the many submissive men? Submission is not an exclusively female trait, nor a straight trait – it is an aspect of our sexuality. My slave is an extremely capable woman in her own right, and I would not want a slave who wasn’t.

mollyskiss April 18, 2012 - 7:05 pm

I completely agree. The reason I focused on female submission was because that is what the media are talking about. It seems that same sex or submission in men is not currently a subject the media have an angle on.


Rose April 18, 2012 - 6:25 pm

Well said! And I agree, over here we got a tv-show about sex and drugs and they recently had a sub with a 24/7 dom/sub relationship in the show. The things she said about her relationship was pretty understandable for me but I’m sure there is a lot of misunderstanding about submission from people who aren’t familiar with it.


Inferno April 18, 2012 - 6:35 pm

Anything targeted towards the mainstream and created by someone not involved is going to misrepresent.
That is just how it goes.
I have been involved in long term multi-person relationships. Polyamorous is the term… talk about stereotypes created by the media and bad fiction. (plus the problem that most think it is the same a polygamy)
I was a content producer in the adult industry for a decade of my life. I actually hide that little fact from most people I deal with because of their crazy ideas about the industry (all gotten from bad fiction and false reporting)
I swing. The average person is so confused about that it is almost impossible to explain.
The latest is the reality TV shows about tattooing. Oh my gosh they make me angry. I have even had a couple friends get lured into participation on them. There is NO reality on those shows.
Yep… I can dig what your ranting about.

Jack and Jill April 18, 2012 - 7:16 pm

You sum up our feelings perfectly. Though I am not anywhere near as submissive as some women, the notion that anyone should judge another’s sexual identity is beyond upsetting to both of us. Such judgment proves that people are still backwards, still blissfully ignorant and intolerant of things they don’t understand, and perhaps most frustrating at all, still in denial about the importance of sex. Were people capable of being more honest about how important sex is rather than pretending it’s not, life would be so much happier for us all. We’ve read such ridiculous, ignorant opinions on a number of aspects of the sexual spectrum from BDSM to furry to swinging and polyamory. Everyone feels they have the license to make assumptions and premature judgments about things that do not apply and therefore should be of no concern to them. Being submissive does not in any way denote weakness; a woman who knows what appeals to her sexually and takes it is an empowered woman. And perhaps that is what bothers and frightens the repressed sex-negatives most.

Jilly April 18, 2012 - 11:04 pm

Excellent post! x

ghostgirl April 18, 2012 - 11:20 pm

Molly, I think you just proved that submissive women are intelligent, articulate and able to stand up for themselves. I haven’t read the book, have no plans to but agree with you about the media fuss combined with journalists’ lack of understanding of s/D relationships.


Lily McKensie April 18, 2012 - 11:23 pm

Thank you for a fabulous post. I echo the sentiment of many of the other commenters and totally relate to Newt Kai. I found your blog accidentally via a writing prompt on another ‘mummy’ website.
Before finding you and subsequently Laurie, Kazi, Wonders, Mia, Phoenix, Mina, Rebel and others I enjoyed “kinky” sex but never had an understanding of BDSM or submission. I realised via reading your blogs I am submissive.You helped me to realise that, thank you.
I can only hope the book and the hype encourage those kinky folks teetering on the edge of exploring BDSM to come online and explore. Read the real stories and experiences and embrace a part of themselves which may otherwise lie dormant.
Maddie / Lily xxx

Goldi April 19, 2012 - 2:27 am

OMG! I dont think that I have ever agreed with a post so much before! Its like I wrote it! My thoughts are exactly the same! Good for you Molly! Never let them shut you up!


CatWhit April 19, 2012 - 5:19 am

I have read 50 Shades, and it was actually what inspired me to start living kink. I was directed here by a person on fetlife, after reading my rant. You may find it interesting.
And I totally agree about submission requiring strength. I wrote about that a while back, too.

Suzi April 19, 2012 - 5:44 am

Brilliant post – very well written. Sadly mainstream media sit in offices and dont do research, they just write what will sell.
Id not waste your time or energy on trying to explain the reality as sadly, I dont think the majority want to know what reality is and you may well get hurt in the process.
They, the majority, are perfectly happy with their preconceived prejudices on D/s, homosexuality, and any number of other subjects.
As for submissive men, they last hit the headlines when Cynthia Payne was having her 5 minutes of fame and then they were on screen, in books and in the press.
There are enough of us out there who actually know the truth and enjoy the lifestyle. I suggest we carry on and in a short while, the subject will fade once more as these things do, becoming mere “chip wrappers” or recycling box filler.
We, however will continue to live fulfilled and enriched lives so we are the winners, ultimately.

Penny April 19, 2012 - 6:53 am

go Molly! I don’t think I’ve told you yet, but I greatly admire your blog and your honest, unapologetic, and powerful writing and images. You know what you want, you get it, and you aren’t afraid to share it with others even if it’s not the “norm.” That makes you strong, stronger than most. If there were more brave women like you, maybe people would realize sexuality is complex and diverse and shouldn’t be judged and oversimplified.

Miss M April 19, 2012 - 9:09 am

Love the picture and wholeheartedly agree with your statements. Women have the liberty to choose their own paths and act as they please. The choice to be submissive is just that, a choice. Surely having that choice reinforces feminist ideals?
M x

DDD April 19, 2012 - 12:32 pm

I love you, Molly! Your passion, your intellect, your sexuality. While so much of what you wrote “read true” for me, there is also more. And you made me want to explore this issue and myself more deeply. It can be confusing, but I feel that it is only as a strong woman that I can fully embrace submission. Otherwise it would simply be weakness. For me, at least. Anyway, thank you for writing this and sharing it with us. For being you. I love you, Sister in Slut.

inspirerae April 19, 2012 - 2:01 pm

Thank you for putting down into words what I have not been able to convey to others not in this lifestyle. It was like you where in my head. Beautifully done.

Harper Eliot April 19, 2012 - 3:03 pm

“women like to have fantasies and read about them”

THAT belief is scary. Earlier this year I was studying critical methods in terms of women readers in the late 18th century when a string of articles were written about how women shouldn’t read certain books because women were unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality and would get all kinds of fantastical romantic ideas into their heads…

I think the fact that that even occurred to me whilst reading this is frightening. Know what I mean?

KB April 19, 2012 - 8:45 pm

Very well said! I clicked through to this post from a tweet by a submissive woman. She is strong, independent, successful and she chooses to give the gift of her submission to her Dominant.

I am a Dominant woman with a submissive male partner; he is also strong, independent and successful but he chooses to trust in me to show his submissiveness. I sadly believe that mainstream media would not draw the same conclusions about submissiveness in males, because they’ve always had the power, haven’t they?! Grrrr!

Michael C. Laney (Master Vyle) April 19, 2012 - 9:38 pm

I haven’t had a chance to read the book Myself, so I cannot comment on its content. It’s certainly not the first book on the subject, nor will it be the last, it just so happens that it’s the current darling of the media for all the right place and right time reasons. It could have been Me and Heather’s Journey: The Sound Of her MASTER’S VOICE. It could have been Kate Marley and subtext. However it happens to be Fifty Shades Of Gray.

The main point is, no matter who wrote it, what their point of view is, or whether they have any experience in the lifestyle or not, the perception of the all knowing feminist elite is it’s bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad!


The lady vyle is a strong woman, with a very storng mind and not some weak minded little fool. (Weak little idiots turn me off, and they usually carry some huge feminist torch to make themselves seem like they’re strong.) She’s also quite powerful in her role in the “workforce”, and in fact has the power to do things I wish I could do to people where I work. People commeting on this book, probably haven’t read it, know nothing of the lifestyle or the dynamics involved, and in fact equate it as my own main character Heather Ford does at the beginning of her journey into the lifestyle as merely “tying women up and talking dirty to them.”

Ben April 19, 2012 - 10:22 pm

Well stated Molly.

subbieluvie April 20, 2012 - 1:25 pm

Fabulously put dearest Molly,

Perhaps time more of us submissive women and men for that matter wrote more books, non-fiction, autobiographical, to tell of the reality… this has inspired me enough to finally make a start on mine. It is after all meant to be the 21st Century – people are more acceptant and tolerant but still very ignorant to all intense purposes when it comes to anything that is not the “norm” it gets ridiculed rather than studied.


Outloudsurvivor April 26, 2012 - 7:01 am

I might be one of those to whom you would say “Fuck you!” – but I don’t think we are so far apart on our readings of Roiphe’s piece. I don’t want to be spanked (as I write in my latest post in my brand new baby blog), but I also do not believe that indulging in fantasies of spanking or domination and submission, for that matter, are the same thing as giving up power, real power. My sense, from reading your post, is that you have not truly given up power. You are choosing to put yourself in the position (literal and symbolic) that you are in, or the many positions that you are in. The key is choice – and choice represents that you have not given up your power and control even in your submission. That is the key, to me, of the ignorance of Roiphe. She does not see the line between indulging in fantasies of loss of control or role playing (even all-day, constant role-playing) and real, abusive, damaging and terrifying loss of control. I am sure (or I guess I hope) that you would agree that domination and submission homes or partnerships, like yours, are not abusive because you *choose* what you live. Roiphe may be laughably ignorant and annoying, but I think she is dangerous, too. Genuinely dangerous.

Curious Muse April 27, 2012 - 7:12 pm

You’re scared of balloons?! Now that’s just silliness! 🙂
Feisty post. Thank you.

mollyskiss April 27, 2012 - 9:25 pm

I know…. it is insane and I try very hard to over come it but they freak me out. I guess we have weird things about us that we can’t explain.

Curious Muse April 27, 2012 - 10:11 pm

Well life would be terribly dull otherwise. Just goes to show, one persons weirdness is another persons pleasure. 🙂 x

Karen Blue May 1, 2012 - 12:15 am

Yes, well said! I think it is perverted to think that every sub might have some sort or trauma or that being sub in the bedroom translates to real life. Neither are true for me!

bonimiss May 2, 2012 - 2:13 am

Well said .. I read it to see what all the commotion was about and it was infuriating.

Victoria Vista May 19, 2012 - 12:11 am

Molly! Molly!!!! Found this on E[lust}36..and absolutely love it! I have had the same distaste in my mouth over this book…also have not read it…but may just have to for a better argument.

I’m not a submissive, but a mistress but even our male submissives have the same cliches toward them…as weak etc…. We all know it takes honesty and strength to be a submissive. I love and respect mine.

My ‘blood boiling’ reaction to this book has been as yours! First that the author obviously is clueless about the lifestyle and I’ve heard also the book isn’t even well written. What a slam! It could have at least been well written! LOL

Oh well…. Maybe some good well come out of this…at least maybe some honest discussion about what the D/s lifestyle (that we all love) is all about!

Thank you for your great post!!! ~ Vista

Ms. B May 28, 2012 - 1:10 am

I enjoyed reading your post. I liked reading the series, though I felt like Ms. Steele was whinny at times, sometimes coming across as weak with indecision. I think because of that people were in a uprour, making more out of this “story” than needed.

I am not a submissive, can’t really imagine myself as one. I would probably play the dominant if I were to choose. BUT… reading your entry I feel like I can understand your point of view better.

I started a blog about the sex scenes in 50 and hoped to become enlightened with that world and how it would make me feel. After one try at it, I can understand the appeal. How hot it is to watch my Sir tell me what to do and do what he pleases.

I am very domineering in my real life, with everyone and everything around me. It’s tiring and stressful, so when you said it is nice to just submit at the end of the night but respectfully so, I get that and I can see how you get into that world and how you want to stay.

Clive July 18, 2012 - 5:03 pm

Phew! That was clearly something on your chest that needed saying. and ‘hear hear, well said’ – and I would add, what about all those submissive blokes! Anyway, the important thing is that I have learnt that I shouldn’t give you balloons on your Birthday Molly 🙂

cosmo pinciotti November 21, 2013 - 2:54 pm

wow, the vampire had spoken! a real living one, not a spooky phantom from the screen… a vampire among us who actually bites and wants to see blood and big big emotions. a vampire lady who lives her life. what novel would that be in which your story was told: how you’ve found your lord!

you want to be destroyed by your desire to be kinky under him. you want to be used, abused, marked and bruised and sore from his emphatic touch. to be tied down, legs spread and fucked by him for his pleasure only… you want him to make you throb and ache and beg and cry… to be on your knees lost and destroyed in front of him feeling the pain…
“this feels like nothing for him, that he can do this. that he can reduce me to this. I cannot quite conceive that he thinks this is normal, how normal people have sex. this is something amazing.” “nothing else exists but the feelings… the feelings, my god they are so strong, like nothing else.” (Cara Sutra)
…and wanting he’ll pick you up then and fix you until it itches you again.

I’m deeply touched by the power of your feelings and the vehemence of this outcry. such an amount of hard-edged commitment is in my eyes pretty unique. you won’t find anything like that somewhere in the mainstream. this level of intensity, this depth and strength marks unfamiliar territory, because corporate business mentality – or let’s say – loyalty in the sense of its inventor is based on frigidity, obedience and the performance of one’s duty, not so much on the advancement of your soul and ego.

this isn’t normal, how normal people see and have sex. people who have normal sex have no idea what sex really means and how big sex in fact is: how profoundly it rules the world, what energies are contained in this drive. normal people with normal sex don’t know the intensity with which you feel, the intensity with which you fuck, the intensity with which you think and write. I’ve said to Cara that she was “able to express yourself in an intoxicated fashion which makes me high, which makes me go nuts.” the same thing here. you both are special.

everybody believes what he wants and what he has to believe, right? the ultimate principle of civilization: power arises from making others believe. only extremely strong and devoted personalities have the chance to break through through all of these layers of old and popular pieties that are overlying the most basic instincts. George Carlin for instance, Kafka, Nietzsche, Bill Hicks, Acharya and many others.

“being submissive to him does not make me a weak person, in fact I truly belief that being that self-aware and confident in my own needs and desires and willing to act on them actually takes a great deal of strength and trust in yourself.”
I totally agree. but the thing is this, you act the same way as any journalist or other opinion maker does: I couldn’t find even one critical comment on your website… so far. absolutely none. no backtalk allowed as it seems. you’re playing the role of a priest for your case, and I don’t think that’s the future, you know. therefore “blogging is masturbation”. there’s nothing really new about it, nothing revolutionary, nothing explosive.

everybody now tries to establish his own little opinion stream on the web and joins certain communities to treasure his beliefs. Facebook shows it’s not conspiratorial, it’s all mental, a human question. I mean, where is a central marketplace that could mix up all of these different horizons of perception… and would you like to use such a parquet with this merciless and bitchy fuck-you attitude? the more we plunge into the cyberspace, I think, the more it becomes crystal clear: you can’t convince somebody anymore. this game is over more or less. for God’s sake! LOL

I was reading Cara Sutra’s synopsis from May 15, 2013 about the book’s media resonance before I wrote “kink had become a fairy tale to kneele before the mainstream”.
The Mistress: “no matter your personal opinion of Fifty Shades Of Grey, this trilogy has achieved what no other kink themed book has done before. it has been accepted into the mainstream. I believe it has helped the majority of 50 Shades lovers who had been living their sex life through vanilla fulfilment only, to draw closer to kink and help them experiment with power exchange, if not the full range of BDSM potential. as is their choice, of course. […] something that makes the nation, the world as a whole, acknowledge that not only does kink/Fetish/BDSM exist but that it can be enjoyable, sexy and even healthy for consenting adults, is a huge step in the right direction, in my personal opinion. no longer is punishment spankings and bondage something that is seen to be done in the darkest realms of unhealthy relationships or in freak show clubs by perverts of the highest order. it can be enjoyed by a loving couple with things you already have in your own wardrobe. […] Fifty Shades Of Grey is read in public, joked about on TV and now a part of pop culture with references in every area of media. I can only hope that this is the first step in what I believe to be the right direction, to a time when BDSM is fully accepted as a beautiful, if alternative style of adult relationship – and sometimes, even love.”

I trust her taste and her inside knowledge, her natural wisdom, to be honest with you… nevertheless, I’m more on your side regarding the topic, but cannot explain it yet exactly why. the Hollywood production Fight Club for instance didn’t make much of a difference in the end, but the impact of the book of course is significantly greater and more directly related to sex as the movie. the mainstream is massive, that’s for sure, and why is it that much monolithic?

“by the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing… kill yourself. kill yourselves, seriously. you’re the ruiner of all things good. seriously, no, this is not a joke. ‘there’s gonna be a joke coming…’ there’s no fucking joke coming! you are Satan’s spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage. you are fucked and you are fucking us. kill yourselves, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now. now, back to the show…” Bill Hicks

the rest is silence, isn’t it.

talking IS “sex” (according to my own definition) can’t you feel it?! so you can’t talk vampire-esquely anywhere in mainstream media. either in this emotional depth nor with blatant intensity. corporate thinking has to be nice and fine and soft and flat. like McDonalds and Coke, not like your cunt. “in all these articles I have read there is not one genuine submissive woman having her say.” of course not, this is out of the picture (no conspiracy necessary, so to speak)

the self-declared “ranty, spiky bitch from hell” (Cara) is willing to negotiate about the book, how about you one and a half year later? I’ve found an excellent comment yesterday:
“I’m pro-comments, and I’m pro-education. we still live in a society which was founded on Puritan ideologies. it’s changing, but it’s slow. things like this are a reminder that while we personally may live in sex-positive worlds, we’re in a bubble there and this is what the rest of the world is really like.” Lorax of Sex

“if being gay was written about in the same way that being submissive is currently being written about in the press with all its judgements, ill-informed rhetoric and implications that it is just a fantasy world for people there would be uproar.”
kink is yet another dimension, another degree of intimacy. “What Makes Sex Good?” I’ve found this tremendous blog entry thanks to Kendra Holliday. “the truth just punched me in the gut like a bag of oranges in a mob movie. I’m looking for intimacy. connection” intimacy is always the key. and to develop your own ego you must destroy it from time to time – the ultimate form of intimacy for which you need a partner who will shred you.

from my point of view, this very sophisticated and well-written rant is more than just a blog outcry… there’s something majestic behind it, something historical nearly (I’m aware there are some holes in my text – surely no big deal for you)

cosmo pinciotti November 21, 2013 - 4:06 pm

I’ve made a copy of your furious address including the uncencored resonance among your readers and the links within my own comment

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