18th November 2010
In just under 24 hours he will be boarding his flight to the UK. I seem to be on a roller coaster of emotions today, one moment I am bouncy and excited, the next I distracted by the thoughts of everything I want to do to be ready in time for his arrival and then there is still some weird little niggling fear. Maybe it’s because I have waited so long, I cope by trying to not focus on the things I absolutely crave too much, otherwise if something goes wrong and it doesn’t happen then I find the disappointment can be very hard for me to cope with. I think this way of coping means that even now, even when its only a few hours away, I can’t really believe that he is actually going to be here.
I know it’s going to happen, I know what time I need to leave for the airport, I know that I will probably end up leaving earlier than I need to, my worries of traffic jams or flat tyres meaning that I shall probably spending far longer at Heathrow airport than is necessary. I know what I am going to wear, I have realised that a minimal amount of makeup is a good plan, just in case I cry. Smeared teary make up is not a look that I wish to greet him with. I know the terminal I need to be at, I know what the arrivals hall looks like, I know there are 2 possible exits that he can emerge out of, I shall be watching both, eyes flicking back and forth from one to the other.
I know all this, where I need to be, when I need to be there and what to wear but knowing is not my problem, my problem is belief in the fact that it is really, finally going to happen. I sit here writing this, the house is quiet around me, glancing up I try to image him here, in my house, standing in this very room with me. I know he’s coming, I know it’s going to happen but I can’t quite believe it, I can’t image what it is going to feel like to finally be back together and to actually have Him here and for me to show Him my life this time.
For a moment I close my eyes, I know he is on the train on His way home and I know that tomorrow he will be on his flight to me. I know that he is excited and happy that we are now just counting down the hours. I know he has yet to pack anything and I know his last minute packing style is starting to drive me bonkers. I know that it will be OK, I know he will get it done, I know that he is coming but I don’t think I will really and truly believe it until he is standing in front of me at Heathrow airport, pulling me into his arms and kissing me. Only then do I think I will really and truly believe that the waiting is over.
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
I believe in us and in you, I just can’t quite believe you will actually be here tomorrow…….but I will!
I love youxxx