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It is odd that the Food for Thought prompt this week is about Pride as I was planning on writing something related to that subject during February Photofest to go with this picture because I have been doing a lot of reading the thinking about identity and being queer So here we go…

Back in 2016 (and I actually can’t believe it was that long ago) I wrote a post called Changing Labels which was about my thoughts on my sexuality and the various labels that has come under during my life, from Unsure to Bisexual and at that time settling on Hetroflexible but to be honest it has never really felt like it fitted that well.

My sexual desires are predominantly male focused but not solely, hence feeling like hetroflexible was the right term for me but as my life has changed over this last year and the relationship I was in has ended it has given me much pause for thought around all these subjects from how I feel about being submissive, or if I even am (more on that another time) to who and what turns me on. I know I am hugely attracted to men/male presenting folks. I like dick. I like dick a LOT actually. I also know that my romantic attractions are definitely focused that way too.

Increasingly though I am realising that whilst that is all true I am actually attracted to people who are not male presenting and don’t have a dick. Those attractions are less common but when they do happen they are just as powerful and intense to me. Currently I have one very intense girl crush that started earlier last year. I have not felt such a gut punch of desire for another woman in very long time. It caught me by surprise but also contributed to me really sitting down and thinking about my sexuality and desires in that regard.

Now that I am exploring what being non-monogamous means to me it has also bought me back to this subject again as I feel more free to express my desires and experiment with other people which has inspired me to do more reading and research around this topic all of which has finally led me to a conclusion that I actually finally really feel fits me and that is; I am Queer.

I am attracted to people, that made me think I might be pansexual but that label didn’t fit because I am predominantly male leaning and that is most definitely a core part of my sexuality and what drives me to desire a person but there are exceptions and when that happens it is not just a fleeting thing. It is not a case of, oh they are sexy, but something far more intense than that and so I have come to realise that things are definitely not as clear cut for me as being heterosexual or bi-sexual. It is far more person and situation specific and it also changes and ebbs. Also my kinks are woven into it as well in ways that I think is quite complex.

I know I have a huge amount of privilege where this subject is concerned. I present to the big wide world as a cis white heterosexual woman and that allows me to move through the world in a way that other more marginalized folks don’t get to,  but for me this has been about better understanding myself and embracing my sexual self and also getting to express it and have experiences with others that feel right and good to me and have nothing to do with labels and everything to do with the fact that we click.

For me being Queer allows me to express my identity in a more fluid way, to be non-hetrosexual, bisexual, a bottom, kinky, non-monogamous, hetroromantic, femme, cis, etc is all part of my queerness. I feel like for me it is the equivalent of when you say your relationship status is complicated. I don’t have to be one thing, I don’t have to even understand all of it in detail because I am always learning and growing and evolving but by embracing it all and giving myself permission to let go of a lot of the things I have thought about myself and my sexuality I will end up being a happier person with happier partners and lovers in my life.

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  • Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

  • Show Comments (15)

  • Kayla Lords

    I love this…and it makes me really want to sit down and figure myself out a little bit more, even if it’s just to affirm that no really, I’m heterosexual.

    • Molly Moore

      I have been there and also thought that because the others didn’t fit that is what I was, kind of by default, but that just didn’t feel right either

      Molly

  • Marie Rebelle

    This made me envy you. If only I had the room in my head to figure out just where I fit in, just what my ‘labels’ should be.

    Rebel xox

    • Molly Moore

      It has taken me a long time but arriving on Queer feels right for the first time because it feels like it has a fluidness to it that works for me

      Mollyx

  • PurpleSole

    In the end of the day its just people liking people and its up to every person to decide who they are. Like the picture, lots of pretty colours.

  • Focused and Filthy

    Labels are hard when you don’t know and don’t want to be pigeon holed. I’m not a big fan of labels anyway so I hope queer gives you that freedom to explore. I know things can change too as well. I hope you find what you are looking for.
    Missy x

  • May More

    A brilliant image.
    I am not a fan of labels really unless they are liberating a person rather than containing the. You sound as if u feel liberated so that is a wonderful step to take.
    I think we are attracted to ‘a person’ rather than a gender and like u I love dick but I would never rule out falling emotionally or sexually for a person without a dick.
    I say to my girls to simply try and be themselves and who they fancy or fall in love with will fit into place.
    xx

    • Molly Moore

      I am not a big fan either but this is an area that has dogged me for a while as I try to work myself out a bit better. I think I have been told my society that I am cis het woman for so long that I almost felt like I had no right to be anything else and that is not true

      molly

  • LittleSwitchBitch

    I try not to label anything however, I do with my sexuality. I used to always label myself as bi but in recent years that has changed to pan and like you, I love dick but I really only love one dick. The rest just seems to blur into the background – while I might spot a guy and go Oooh it rarely goes past that.

    Women though – that’s a whole other game. Femme, trans etc all get my attention. While I am more specifically attracted to cis women – I am also attracted to non-cis women too – moving towards the person and the body rather than the label so I think that is why I identify as pan – maybe queer works too?

  • Cara Thereon

    Labels are hard. We are such fluid people ourselves, but we need to put labels on everything. It’s been one of my greatest struggles through the years because I’ve not always understood my attraction to women, but it also wasn’t accepted for me to have said attraction when I was younger.

    I’m really glad you’ve reached a place where you can be the full person you are. You deserve to revel in that and explore all those aspects of yourself.

  • Marie Louise

    I like how you just identify as queer. It’s very fluid, you can be everything. There’s no need to just hop into one label and stay locked in it. And it’s nice to read how you ended up getting here and sort of figured stuff out. For as much as it’s possible to figure this stuff out

  • missy

    Firstly, this is a gorgeous picture of you. I love the bright rainbow colours and the curve of your legs and bottom.

    Secondly like many others I am not a fan of labels. I appreciate the value of them in terms of exploring and understanding but so many times they can feel negative, especially when you don’t quite ‘fit’. Sometimes it feels like there is too much categorisation and it prevents people from actually being able to be who they are but I do understand why they are necessary. I am glad that you have arrived at something which feels like a good fit for you and am pleased that you can feel proud about being the person you are in a sexual sense. It is always important to be able to own that and finding a term that allows you to be seen as who you are in others’ eyes, can feel significant.

    • Molly Moore

      It has taken me a long time to work it out. I have not been a very label person but I do want to better understand myself and coming to realise that I am Queer has actually help me to better know myself

  • Brigit Delaney

    I think labels can be intensely helpful. They are just words with definitions, but they help us to categorize, which is a naturally human thing to do. Yes, if we are too rigid, labels can be confining, but if we just use them to understand and then let them be, they can give us clarity about ourselves and others and a language for explaining what we want and need. Labels, like clothes, can also be shed or changed. Labels about sexuality are important because they give us common terms for discussion about complex inner dynamics. They get a bad rep because we overuse them and apply them incorrectly. But in your case, labels have simply been a navigation tool to help you more specifically explore your identity. I think that makes them helpful and necessary.

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