13th August 2010
So it’s fast approaching, the end, again. I have a horrible feeling this will be far worse than time before. Just the thought of leaving his side makes the tears well in my eyes and my chest tighten with anxiety. He is so much part of me; I think it is going to feel like severing a limb from my body. I was in 2 minds whether to write this or not, surely it would be better to enjoy the last couple of days we have together rather than concentrate on the parting and that is absolutely true, but it’s there, in my brain, taunting me, whispering to me and so I thought that maybe putting it out there might just help a little.
I belong here; I know it, not just with him, but in this country too. It feels so natural and right to be here. It feels like home, and I can’t wait to be able to call it that one day. I talk to him about ‘when I am proper person’ in America and by that I don’t mean a visitor, a tourist, a guest, I mean when this place rightfully becomes my adopted home.
Who’s adopting who I wonder? Is America going to adopt me, or vice versa. Actually now I come to think about it. I have already adopted America; I am just waiting for her to return the favour. I guess she might not be aware of that yet, but that’s just tough, she is going have to just knuckle down and make a tiny bit of space for little old Molly, cause I am not taking No for an answer.
So we have a couple of precious days left together. I can’t wait for him to come home soon and then I won’t have to be parted from him again until horrible Sunday. If anyone knows of a way of making time slow down or even stand still, please let me know immediately, although why you have not piped up sooner I can’t begin to imagine.
I am glad I wrote this, I thought it might help and it does seem to have done the trick, for now. I apologise if it’s a bit of a ramble. I just needed to let it go, and this seemed to be as good a place as any. I shall try to return soon with something more…….dirty maybe?
Ps. I just started listening to this track and I agree with it. Even though some of this is sooo hard, it is also so wonderful and perfect. I am so lucky that I even found him in the first place and yes, this is the best part of my life so far and we are just at the beginning, the beginning or our life together. I am blessed…..but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give anything to be able to stay.