I suck at tasks.
The whole thing is really annoying actually because the idea of them appeals to me. I am a person who likes routine and structure. I make lists, I have a detailed google calendar that includes both work and kids schedules and then there are the spread sheets. Oh so many spread sheets. Tasks sound like something that would fit into my world perfectly and yet I still struggle with them.
The worst tasks for me are the ones where there is no completion. I find those very frustrating. You can’t ever tick them off as being done, they are just never-ending and even if I start off enjoying them the moment the novelty wears off they become boring to me and potentially frustrating too because you can’t ever reach a goal.
When we were long distance he set me a task to wear my butt plug for at least 30 minutes every day. At first it was exciting and sexy but eventually it just became this thing I did or, more truthfully, something I constantly forgot to do. He would remind me and encourage me and on occasion punish me for not doing it but mainly I just felt shit about it because I was letting him down by not remembering every day. He was thousands of miles away in the USA and I could have easily lied about it but that defeated the whole object of our relationship in my mind and so I was always honest about not doing it.
Those kinds of tasks, daily rituals or achievements just don’t work for me. I need to have flexibility in my life. Asking me to do an hour’s uninterrupted writing every day sounds like something that would be great for me but the truth is that type of rigid expectation on my time will only serve to eventually irritate and frustrate me and there is nothing sexy about that. It might help me achieve a goal in the short-term but in the long-term I will only start to resent it.
Short individual tasks can be different though. If it is something I can do and achieve then that will tap into the sense of satisfaction I get from completing something. Finishing things are very important to me. I think it is why I like writing short stories and have always struggled with longer bodies of work. I need to complete things to be motivated to carry on, things that have no end, become boring very quickly. Do I have a short attention span? Maybe, for some things definitely yes, for writing this blog, the answer would appear to be absolutely not.
A couple of weeks ago when I asked if I could have a wank he said yes, which he nearly always does, but it came with a task. Go upstairs and send me a series of pictures of yourself as you do it and when you are done I want to hear what you thought about. I dashed up the stairs, discarded my clothes and happily set about my task. I completed it without a problem and when I sent the last one of the shiny wet glass dildo he came upstairs and joined me. The whole thing was a huge sexy success. So you can see tasks are not completely lost on me.
He wrote his own post about tasks last week and I am glad to see that he intends to continue to try to find ways to make this work within our relationship because the concept of tasks really does appeal to me it is just the practicalities of it that tend to trip me up. I want to do them, I really do, but I am very prone to getting distracted and also, to be quite frank, have a fairly stubborn streak when it comes to being told what to do. I know, not the words of a ‘twue sub’, but I have never claimed to be anything other than what I am, feisty, defiant and in need of a strong hand. Offer me a way out and I am (probably) going to take it, corner me and make me, and then you will have my attention.