This weeks prompt on wicked Wednesday is communication. The prompt actually made me want to write a couple of different posts but today has been my sons 15th birthday and so time for writing has been rather limited however time for thinking, as I got ready for a family dinner, was abundant. As I considered the importance of communication in our relationship and the different ways in which we communicate I realised that my blog actually plays quite an important role.
I have always stated that I primarily write my blog for myself and that is true but if there is a perceived audience within my head then for the most part it is @domsigns. He is clearly not the only audience, but much of what I have written and posted here has in some way or other been an extended love letter to him. Sometimes they are desires and fantasies, sometimes they are a lust filled retelling of things we have done together, sometimes a thank you, often a declaration of wants and needs, and nearly always an expression of love. The blog has over the years played a really important role in my communication with him. I guess the origins of that lay in our long distance relationship. Before he moved here to England we had nearly 2 years of flying back and forth to spend time with one another. The blog was the place that I not only shared that story both all the wonderful times we spent together but also the pain and emotional hardship of being apart. Once he moved here the tone certainly changed but the blog has always been and will always be the place I empty my brain.
It is not always easy asking for what you want, writing a fantasy can be a way of doing that in quite a controlled way. You get to write and formulate your own thoughts and desires as you go and then present them in a cohesive structured way. The same can be said for processing my thoughts about things we have done. Writing about them allows me that time and space to not only relive them but to explore what it is/was about them then really pushed my buttons, or on some occasions failed to work for me. My blog has probably been one of the most important learning tools with regards to my sexuality/kinks/desires and because I have always been motivated to share the truth of myself here with regards to those subjects as well as baring myself to you the reader (in both written and visual form) I am also exposing myself to him. Don’t get me wrong much of what I write and publish here will not be news to him but talking about a subject and writing about it are really two very different things and often our discussions pave the way for me to find the words and construct the thread of what I write and some times it is the opposite in that what I write will be become a subject for discussion.
This post is a perfectly example. Today I have let me mind wander around this topic. We have not had a moment to ourselves to discuss it and so the first he is going to know of it will be when he reads it. Will it surprise him? I really suspect not, in fact, with so many of these subjects he will often declare ‘I already knew that’ which can be very frustrating but then he always has been able to read me like a book but will we end up talking about it more? I am absolutely sure we will and as a result we will have learnt a tiny bit more about one another, after all that is what communication is all about; stripping away the shadows and letting in the light of knowledge.