Make me cum, make me wait, make me beg for it, make me use all the dirty words I know to tell you how much I want it. Toy with me, twist my expectations, make me growl with need and frustration. Make me…
See a theme here?
When I think about the topic of orgasm control it immediately leads me to these kind of thoughts and straight into a powerful kink for me which is ‘make me’. That control of my orgasms, when they happen, if they happen, how many etc is closely linked to that part of the power exchange within our relationship. I love that strength and power which this kind of thing seems to play straight into. As a general rule I am not a compliant, quiet sub, I am more the feisty and fighty type who absolutely gets off on a firm hand and a determined force to be in control.
I have written a fair few posts about orgasm denial over the years. I even have a category for it on my blog where you can find all my posts on this subject – Orgasm Denial) It was quite a regular feature of the long distance part of our relationship and was used frequently to power up the needy greedy slut in me when a trip to see one another was on the cards. However now we are together its use has changed. Back then it would be a way of building up towards a reunion whereas now it tends to be used in a more immediate fashion in that the length of time I am denied tends to be much shorter, over the course of a day or even just a sex session.
There is a good reason for this which is basically if I don’t get to cum then, rather than getting increasingly turned on I tend to just get moody, grumpy and resentful. Not an outcome that brings either of us enjoyment. For me there is a very fine line between making me wait just long enough so that when I do cum it is hard and powerful and making me wait too long which results in me becoming turned off by the whole thing. I like orgasms, I like orgasms and making me wait too long doesn’t increase my desire but switches it off to replace it with, well, I would go so far as to say anger and not good crazy fuck me anger but a slow simmering resentment which is not a sexy thing nor does it make me feel sexy.
Luckily with some experimenting @domsigns seems to have figured out just how much orgasm denial is required to get a positive response which means that it is mainly used in the moment, to slow things down, rather than as a long drawn out process.
At the other end of the spectrum is of course forced orgasms. Once upon a time in a land far away, we owned one of those wand like massagers but sadly it was only of use in the USA so when @domsigns moved here it was left behind. Since then we have been meaning to replace it but until very recently had failed to so and we are now the proud owners of a Doxy Massager and I have a sneaking feeling that a forced orgasm scene will soon be back on the cards. I wrote 2 posts way back when about the American massager we had; The Present P1 & The Present P2 – Please forgive me for the writing as I really was just starting out back then and whilst we are on the subject of other blog posts I will also add that Malflic’s post on this topic reminded me of just how fucking sexy forced orgasms can be.
Of course no post about orgasm control would be complete without mentioning orgasms on demand, which kind of sounds like some sort of kinky film distribution network to me. I do know that some people talk of this being possible and I guess I can see the physiology of the idea in that it becomes a learned response but for me I can’t image it ever working. I need clitoral stimulation to cum. I have never had an orgasm without it and I just can’t image, no matter how much practise was put into it, a word being whispered into my ear triggering my body to orgasm. For those that it works for, all power to you, but for me not only do I not believe my body works that way but I actually think I wouldn’t want it to. One of the joys of orgasm is the journey to it, the touch, whether it by my own or someone else, those concentrated moments of pleasure and relaxation that it signals and the mind exploration of that time are all such a powerful and important part of having an orgasm, they are as much if not more so just as wonderful as the actual physical act itself. Bypassing all that is not something I find myself drawn to.
There is though, something very very sexy about hearing that growled command to cum which, if done at just the right moment, can tip me over the edge. For me, it feels like he has led me to this moment both physically and mentally and now it is mine for the taking, because he says so.
Which kind of brings me right back to where we started and… make me!
*This image was first published on my blog post Ecstasy, which was about the build up to orgasm but it just feltt like it went with this post too.