This is my (10 Things) guide on the correct use of hotel rooms. If you have any other suggestions you think I have missed please do let me know in the comments below.
1. Hotel rooms are meant for fucking. They are not meant for families or singles, although clearly there is sometimes a need for them to be used in this way but it is not the correct use of a hotel room.
2. Hotel rooms with headboards that can be used to attached poor abused subbies to are far superior to those without such headboards.
- To try to take funky photographs through (sadly I have not yet managed to achieve this but I am working on it
- To watch your poor subbie dance around in distress in just her panties when you have shut her out in the corridor for your amusement *experiencing talking here
4. Rooms with full length mirrors in that are positioned so you can watch yourself fucking are superior to those without such a thing.
5. Large windows with amazing views of the city or countryside below are there to give you the fabulous illusion of being watched whilst being fucked from behind.
6. Balconies also fall into this group but are even better as then you can feel the night air on your skin whilst you partake of the above activity…. Blow jobs are also ideal activities for hotel balconies. Sadly hotel balconies are less common than you would imagine.
7. The ice bucket ( and the ice machine in the corridor*) is not there for you to keep your bottle of white wine cold, it is in fact, there for you to chill your beautiful glass dildos in. There is nearly always a mini fridge which is where the wine goes. Can’t believe that I need to explain that, but just in case. *WARNING! Be careful when leaving the room to dash next door to the ice machine as this can lead to the second situation mentioned in point 3
8. The bible that is provided for you in the little drawer beside the bed is there for you to spank the word of God into your subbie’s backside and/or to prop up the broken bed leg if by some hideous chance it should break whilst you are laying gently and calmly on the bed with your loved one(s) *experiencing talking here (This is also a handy tip if you do have to stay in a hotel room with children or teens as that can also result in similar breakage outcomes)
9. Despite the hangers in the wardrobe appearing to be designed so that you cannot steal them they have actually been made this way so that you can effectively use the clips on them to torture various part of your willing partners body.
10. The sheets in hotel rooms are ‘free sheets’. Let me explain. Yes you have paid for the room which includes using all the linen in it but that charge means someone else is going to launder it all for you! If they get wax on them, a whole load of lint from your new flogger or maybe the odd droplets of body fluids, it is not you who has to concern yourself with the cleaning up of this.
- Hotel Elevators are ideal for self portraits; Elevated as are housekeeping carts; Maid Service
- Hotel luggage trolleys whilst looking like they are designed to carry your bags around are actually meant for this purpose; Hanging Out
- Hotel rooms are the perfect bedroom/boudoir settings for your erotic photographs as they don’t contain all the unsightly clutter and wall mounted radiators that can be your nemesis when you are home
- The above rule also applies to hotel en suite bathrooms although from time to time you will find that they are not large enough to swing a glass dildo in let alone take any decent pictures.
- Sometimes, if you are very lucky, hotels also provide other sets for you to explore your photography. These can be found in; hotel gyms, pools, roof top terraces and even, upon occasion, right outside your room. *Warning – Security cameras may prohibit such exploration or you might decide, like me, to chance it anyway and don’t forget, it is possible to take pictures that to security cameras look harmless…
This amazing set was, and I am kidding you not, what greeted you when you stepped out of the lift on our floor of hotel where we stayed in Bristol for Eroticon 2014, sans me of course!
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