The current prompt for Kink of the Week is Play Punishment or Funishment as it is sometimes called. Having written this piece I realise I have mostly written about real punishment and not so much about play punishment but it was what came to mind when I thought of this topic.
The other day he asked me about a task I have. The task was something we discussed and then he set in response to me yet again saying I want to write a book. Each week I have to write a set amount of paragraphs. The number of paragraphs per week has been slowly ticking up. It started with 1 and we are currently at 7. At first it worked exactly as intended and words started to appear on the page. Not sure they are good words but they are words and prior to this there were no words so, improvement.
Then something happened. I can’t remember exactly what now and I missed one week and so I didn’t cross it off the task list spreadsheet thingy we have. I waited. Nothing happened. Interesting. The next week I didn’t do it either. Still nothing and I will be honest and say I was a bit despondent because I felt like despite his claims to check the spreadsheet each week he actually didn’t. What’s the point of it if he is not engaged in with it?
So I waited to see if he would ever notice. I know, not the best approach to communication and kink. Suddenly he in a situation where he is being tested and doesn’t know about it but I felt ignored and also like what was the point of completing a task if no one even notices or even gives you a ‘gold star’ or maybe a ‘good girl’ for doing so? I like that shit. It helps me to get things done. to make them a priority rather than just putting them aside in favour of other stuff. Particularly if they are things for me. I won’t put off work work but something that is a hobby project, well that can be sacrificed. I can easily talk myself out of going out to take pictures because I should be working on something that makes money.
So having it as a task tends to stop that happening as much. It lifts it from something I could be doing if I had time to something I need to make time for because it’s important. I guess it reframes it in my mind and it definitely seems to work. Being answerable to myself but also being answerable to someone else. Accountability. That is the right word for it. I like accountability.
So back to the other night. We are having dinner and out of the blue he suddenly asks how my paragraphs are coming on and before I can answer says. “I will expect to read them at some point you know.”
And before my brain thinks it through I respond with
“Well good luck with that because I have not written them in two or three weeks.”
Something passes across his face but I press on. Fearless. Determined to make my point
“I didn’t cross them off on the spreadsheet and you never noticed so I stopped doing them to see if you were paying attention. Clearly you were not.”
Boom, passive aggressive point made. I am so good at this kink D/s stuff.
He says nothing. A raise of an eyebrow and some nodding but nothing else.
We finish dinner and clear up. While I am wiping the counter tops down he disappears upstairs. When he returns it is with a large heavy mean paddle. The one with silicone strip pictured above.
Oh I tried the whole, what, why protests but he was having none of it.
“Put your hands on the worktop was all he kept saying.”
It was the tone of voice and the look in his eye but also I knew I deserved it. Not that I was about to admit that so with a sigh I did as he said.
What happened next we not a nice paddling. This was without doubt a punishment. Every time I moved my hands he told me to put them back eventually saying, move them again and it would go on longer. The whole thing was delivered with an explanation which can be summarised as
Just because I am not checking each week doesn’t mean I am not expecting you to do it. I shouldn’t have to check all the time, I should be able to trust you. These tasks are for you not for me.
By the end I was crying. Yes from the pain but also because I realised he was right. I had fucked up, not him. Also I don’t want to be treated like a child, him having to check each week would be like that. There needs to be trust and him having expectations that I can manage something myself and if not then talk about it. There are ways and times to test him, to poke the bear so to speak but this not was done to be playful or bratty it was done to try to catch him out and make a point. That was not OK.
We are not formally D/s. Not like we once were but things are developing and growing. We are relearning what that means to us, and to each other. What we want it to look like and how we want it to work. It is a slow burn. Sometimes too slow for me because I want all the things now but this little event made me so damn happy. Not that I liked the punishment, I actually hate it but afterwards I felt so close and bonded with him. My mind felt clear and I felt way more confident in him, in us, in D/s, in kink. There was peace to be found in what had just happened.
The prompt for Kink of the Week is play punishment and yet here I am writing about real punishment. This was not playful, this was not a manufactured ‘crime’ or a role play scene (nothing wrong with those by the way, absolutely nothing) this was a real punishment and I think it is an element of kink that we both, I was going to write enjoy but that is the wrong word, I think need is better.
I am all for some bratting play to get myself a spanking or whatever implement he has to had. Poking that bear is fun and playful but also I am all for saying, hey can you spank me tonight I really feel like I need it or could we do some impact play this weekend I have been craving it. Being able to express myself like that, to ask for it, to not be ashamed to say I need it and want it. I like that. I like the agency that gives me and power too. Not power over him or our relationship but power over my desires. To own them and express them to be able to say I enjoy impact play, I want it because it makes me feel a certain way, I don’t need it to always be wrapped up in play punishment, even though that is fun and nice at times too, to be able to enjoy it. I can just enjoy it because I do. Unlike real punishment that is not enjoyable and yet oddly I think we both felt better for it having happened.