“If I wait for someone else to validate my existence, it will mean that I’m shortchanging myself.” ~ Zanele Muholi
No more. I lived this for many years. When I was young denying my attraction to women because I thought you were either straight or gay and I knew I liked people with penis a LOT so hid the other parts of me because there didn’t seem to be a place for them.
The same can be said for monogamny and kink really. For years those parts of my sexual self that encompass those things was hidden. At times so deeply that they were even unidentifiable to me until eventually they were not and I would seek out something to try and fulfil something in me that was missing. That is definitely what led to me cheating during my first marriage for example.
This time last year I wrote this post about how and why I had carried a deal of shame about my sexuality throughout the years but that I had no arrived in a better place of self acceptance and understanding.
Covid has basically been a massive sex exploration block but a year on I feel even more confident in my queerness despite not aving much opportunity to really explore it but I feel comfortable with it. I have spent years hiding it, being ashamed, confused and even denying it at times because well I was in a relationship with a man, how could I claim to be anything other than straight?
I know better now. I am queer enough because I am. I don’t need someone else to decide that for me. I don’t need anyone elses permission to be queer. I just need to know it for myself and embrace my queerness with confidence.