One toy is fun, two toys can be double the fun… the same can be said for two men but for now I am trying to enjoy exploring though possibilities on my own.
Last weeks Sinful Sunday was about masturbating whilst not having a partner with me and how I was trying to focus on enjoying my body and taking time to explore by myself again. It can be so easy to feel disgruntled with the lack of touch and intimacy and allow that to take over your mind set about sex and your body. I miss and crave those thing so very badly and so the missing part can so easily become consuming and you forgot about what you do actually have as a result.
I think that last weeks post might have given the impression that I am doing better at that then I actually am. The missing things is huge for me right now. The deep dull ache for sex, touch, intimacy, pain and kink fills a lot of my thoughts and I struggle with feelings of sadness and anger and if I am honest wallowing in some self pity sometimes too. However one things I often say to other people and have been reminding myself a lot of lately too is to be kind to myself. I am allowed to feel those things. It is a process. I am, in many ways, grieving. I need to take this journey to get me through it and that is OK.
When I posted last weeks image I already knew that this week I would follow up with this second image from the same day. This was not one of those quick morning wanks, or a few stolen moments in my bedroom post shower but leisurely time with my body and my imagination. No rushing, no risk of anyone disturbing me. I had toys and lube and time and some deliciously filthy thoughts of having a MFM threesome.
I also had my camera all set up ready to take pictures. Clearly not the case for every wank because that would be just silly but on this occasion it had started out as a photography session that had ended up with a glorious wank which I also managed to took a few shots of. Most of them were not great but this one, well, I have to admit that I actually really love this image. Many of the ‘wank’ shot I take I think are beautiful but this one actually turns me the fuck on when I look at it so much so that I very nearly didn’t post it because it felt intimate and exposing, and I don’t really mean physically so much as in relations to my desires, but then I mentioned it existence to The Charmer and that I intended to post and he would have to wait to see it and that reminded me that even though I might be missing the touch of another that doesn’t mean we can’t still touch each other just in different ways.
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