Earlier this week I wrote a post about how much I miss pain (in the context of kink play) and the resulting marks on my body but in that post I also mentioned intimacy;
“There are many things I miss about not being with a partner, regular sex, kissing, the intimacy of being physically close.”
There are not really words enough to describe how much I miss the intimacy of being with a partner. I am a very sexual person but I am also a very physical person in that I love to be touched and I love to touch. My language of love is most definitely physical touch. I could never be with a partner who didn’t enjoy being touched and touching. It would very quickly make me unhappy and eventually resentful. I know, because it was one of the issues in my first marriage. It is a fundamental need in me.
I hug my friends. I will happily sit on the sofa with my daughter stroking her legs. I reach out and touch her every day. Hugs, stroke her hair, rub her back as I pass by. I don’t even think about it. I love her, my instinct is to touch her. I do it to my son too. He used to try and dodge me more, as he gets older he is coming back round to it and rarely retreats from it. That makes me happy. (Before anyone suggests I am touching them non-consensually I am not. It is something we have talked about and when my son when through those teen years where he was uncomfortable with it then I respected that.)
What I find interesting, although actually it probably explains why I am such a physical touch person, is my Mother is absolutely NOT a person who is into physical contact. I all my years (and I am 47) I have never seen my parents hold hands or hug and kiss. I mean literally never. My Mother will hug my kids and if I initiate a hug she will usually reciprocate but I always feel that she is slightly uncomfortable with it. Maybe I am the result of that, seeking something that was missing, or maybe and I prefer this explanation. I am just me and I love the intimacy of really knowing person. Those shared connections that make me love and feel loved, physical, emotional, intelligent and all those shared experiences that result.
The result is that with my partners I am touchy feely person who wants to really connect with you. I will reach out and touch you often. I love holding hands, curling up together to sleep, or on the sofa to read a book or watch TV. I will ask for you to caress my back or any part of me really and I will probably purr beneath your touch when you do. Stroke my hair and ohhhh my!
Touching and being touched is absolutely vital to my well-being and my connection with my partner. Let’s take a shower together or even better a bath. Let me lay with my head on your shoulder and stroke your chest while we talk. Kisses goodbye and kisses hello. I want to lean into your neck and smell you and kiss you there. I will massage your calves while we sit and talk. I will reach for your hand as we walk down the street and I lean into your body as we wait in line or ride the elevator. I will love it when you rest your hand on my thigh when you are driving. I am all about public displays of affection. If I like you and especially if I love you then I will want to touch you and I will seek out your touch in return.
Physical intimacies, not the big ones like having your dick in me or coming on your fingers, those are indeed powerful and vital but the small connections that pepper the time you spend with someone you love; Those are beautiful and precious and I miss them so very very much.