The Intimacy of Being

by Molly Moore
His hand on my thigh

Earlier this week I wrote a post about how much I miss pain (in the context of kink play) and the resulting marks on my body but in that post I also mentioned intimacy;

“There are many things I miss about not being with a partner, regular sex, kissing, the intimacy of being physically close.”

There are not really words enough to describe how much I miss the intimacy of being with a partner. I am a very sexual person but I am also a very physical person in that I love to be touched and I love to touch. My language of love is most definitely physical touch. I could never be with a partner who didn’t enjoy being touched and touching. It would very quickly make me unhappy and eventually resentful. I know, because it was one of the issues in my first marriage. It is a fundamental need in me.

I hug my friends. I will happily sit on the sofa with my daughter stroking her legs. I reach out and touch her every day. Hugs, stroke her hair, rub her back as I pass by. I don’t even think about it. I love her, my instinct is to touch her. I do it to my son too. He used to try and dodge me more, as he gets older he is coming back round to it and rarely retreats from it. That makes me happy. (Before anyone suggests I am touching them non-consensually I am not. It is something we have talked about and when my son when through those teen years where he was uncomfortable with it then I respected that.)

What I find interesting, although actually it probably explains why I am such a physical touch person, is my Mother is absolutely NOT a person who is into physical contact. I all my years (and I am 47) I have never seen my parents hold hands or hug and kiss. I mean literally never. My Mother will hug my kids and if I initiate a hug she will usually reciprocate but I always feel that she is slightly uncomfortable with it. Maybe I am the result of that, seeking something that was missing, or maybe and I prefer this explanation. I am just me and I love the intimacy of really knowing person. Those shared connections that make me love and feel loved, physical, emotional, intelligent and all those shared experiences that result.

The result is that with my partners I am touchy feely person who wants to really connect with you. I will reach out and touch you often. I love holding hands, curling up together to sleep, or on the sofa to read a book or watch TV. I will ask for you to caress my back or any part of me really and I will probably purr beneath your touch when you do. Stroke my hair and ohhhh my!

Touching and being touched is absolutely vital to my well-being and my connection with my partner. Let’s take a shower together or even better a bath. Let me lay with my head on your shoulder and stroke your chest while we talk. Kisses goodbye and kisses hello. I want to lean into your neck and smell you and kiss you there. I will massage your calves while we sit and talk. I will reach for your hand as we walk down the street and I lean into your body as we wait in line or ride the elevator. I will love it when you rest your hand on my thigh when you are driving. I am all about public displays of affection. If I like you and especially if I love you then I will want to touch you and I will seek out your touch in return.

Physical intimacies, not the big ones like having your dick in me or coming on your fingers, those are indeed powerful and vital but the small connections that pepper the time you spend with someone you love; Those are beautiful and precious and I miss them so very very much.

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Ouizzi January 10, 2020 - 3:33 pm

I relate to this so much, I am a touchy feel person too but my mum wasn’t and I am always cautious of being too touchy with other people but I love that level of intimacy and miss it greatly x

Jae Lynn January 10, 2020 - 4:33 pm

I may be the -don’t touch- person but Pet is definitely similar to you. He lacked physical affection growing up. He loves every little touch he can get not necessarily sexual but just touching/holding the person he loves makes him happy.

May More January 10, 2020 - 9:03 pm

I am so with you on the small things – to me they are the intimate things. They are the things I feel intimately.
And although I struggle with sexual intimacy, I am a very reach out and touch person – if i like someone I reach out. Great post

James Kirk May 27, 2022 - 7:07 am

I absolutely LOVE this praise of physical touch! Cuddles are so important. I love cuddles and sex. In my life I’ve had long stretches without partner sex (hello hand!), but all my life I’ve been blessed with cuddles. I can’t picture getting through much time in a relationship if there were no cuddles. Cuddles and touch rock! I appreciate all the different ways you describe this kind of warm intimacy, with or without sexual content.

Elenor January 10, 2020 - 9:17 pm

I enjoy my Mister’s touch, though at first, I internally recoiled at his full body hugs and constant need to touch. I enjoy hugging my child, but my mother called me her touch me not. I am so very selective in who I will touch and who I let touch me. My mom is a hugger. So I like your last explanation, we are who we are.

Cara Thereon January 11, 2020 - 1:39 am

Same! I’m my family is affectionate, but have had some issues with being touched when I didn’t want to be so I’ve had periods where I’ve retreated from touch. I’m coming back to it and wanting and needing it. I totally get it

Brigit Delaney January 11, 2020 - 3:57 am

This kind of physical contact is very import5to me, too. I can’t imagine not touching the ones I love.

Sweetgirl January 11, 2020 - 9:54 am

I totally get this, I need it too & I also think some of it is from a lack of affection growing up,

Sweetgirl x

Marie Rebelle January 13, 2020 - 6:04 pm

Strangely enough, when I was younger, my mother wasn’t really a huggy-touchy person either, but after she had a burnout about six or seven years before she passed, she almost had a total change of personality and she started to spontaneously hug us, which was brilliant. My mom had a difficult childhood (sexual abuse) and I think she built a wall around her. You made me wonder if the reason why I am a really touchy-feely person, and I love to hug, might be because my mom wasn’t.

Rebel xox

a mental switch February 2, 2020 - 7:01 pm

I am really torn with touch. I love hugging and cuddling with my immediate family. My parents only used touch conditionally like they kept score of how many hugs and shoulder rubs everyone got. I hope to show my daughter a better way of affectionate touching. One the other hand I am very hesitant to hug friends or start touching whenever I meet someone new (where intimacy is actually the “goal”).

David May 25, 2022 - 9:48 am

omfg yes. Sometimes I wonder if it’s possible to actually die from lack of touch, some nights I’m sure I know.


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