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Backwards and Forwards

Molly taking a self portrait in bathroom mirror with double reflection in small vanity mirror for both about end of 2019 and 10 years of blogging

Backwards

2019 has mostly been the year from fucking hell. I laid in bed the other night and tried to decide if saying it has been the worse year of my life ever was doing it a disservice. I decided that it was not. I have had tough times in my life before but this year has been a true battle and to say I am staggering to the end of it fairly emotionally and mentally battered and bruised would be pretty accurate. I have cried and raged and worried and agonised and spent many many hours thinking about what is the best and right thing to do. I have mourned the loss of something that was once my whole world. I have been the saddest and the angriest version of myself. I wish that somehow the date changing tonight from 2019 to 2020 could mean I could leave ALL of that behind me in 2019 but emotions and feelings have no real idea about the social construct of time and dates however, I am determined to do my best.

But, and it is a pretty big and important but, 2019 has not been all bad. In many ways it has actually been pretty amazing. It has most definitely been the year of discovering the power of female friendship. I have had a checkered history when it comes to female friends which stem right back to being bullied by girls at school. Over the years I have had close female friends but they have always drifted away or else turned out not to be the friends I thought they were further adding to my distrust.

Sex blogging changed all that and through this community I made some truly amazing friendships but this year those friendships have taken on a new level as a powerful group of women have basically circled around me holding me up at times when I truly needed it. They have loved and nurtured and listened and encouraged and cried and laughed and been brutally honest with me. They have been my support network and whether they know it not they have saved me in so many ways. 2019 might have been hell but these women have been my saving graces and taught me the true meaning of female friendships. Those women are: Rebel’s Notes, sub-bee, Cara Thereon, Kayla Lords and Girl on the Net. You have been the light in a fairly dark year and I will be forever grateful for your friendship.

There is one other wonderful thing about my year and that is The Charmer. He has been my friend, my person, for a long time now but the end of 2018 bought with a realisation that we both wanted more than that. How or what that would look like we didn’t know but 2019 was going to be the year we worked that out. Of course 2019 actually turned out to be the year of surprises and nothing really turned out quite as we imagined but the end result is something we never anticipated being possible and now that it is we plan to make the most of what life has gifted us. In that sense 2019 has been joyous. 9 Days in Miami stand out in particular. It was a turning point in my year in so many ways because it gave me the time away I needed to be by myself and really think but connecting with The Charmer there and answering some of those questions that we had both had for a very long time was deeply satisfying and bonding for us.

And so it is been a year of discovery really. Some of it wonderful but much of hard and painful and with that came some beautiful high moments but also way to many awful low moments. Mostly I am damn glad to see the back of 2019. It will I suspect forever be etched in my memory as a truly challenging and life changing year.

Forwards

Today is the last of 2019 and so the thing to do now is to look forward into the future. It is actually something I have been really trying to do for the last couple of months but it is not always easy and I realised that in many ways I am mourning and that trying to just leave that behind is futile. It is a process and one that will continue on for as long as it needs and that is OK. But with each day I becomes easier to look up and out at what is to come and slowly leave behind what has been.

The future is always unknown but this year that is maybe more true for me than any other in recent years and whilst that is daunting it is also exciting. I have things I want to do both professionally and personally. I have realised that in many ways I get to explore my kinks all over again with a new partner and maybe, hopefully, some other people too. There is needle play, a rope event and some branding all potentially on the cards for the first few months of this year. There is also developing plans between The Charmer and I to spend more time together. 2019 has not exactly been my best sex year. I am VERY ready to change that in 2020!

Professionally I have one new project already started which if successful may end up changing the focus of much of my work. I am excited by the possibilities that holds. I also have a sponsor on board for the second series of the KissCast that will start in April and before that Eroticon which is fast approaching. (ticket still on sale for those who don’t have one yet). Next year will also see the 500th week of Sinful Sunday and Kayla and I also have plans for projects that we want to work together in the coming year and of course continue to build the Smutlancers Patreon (if you are a Smutlancer or want to be one then you should definitely think about joining us) which has exceeded all our expectations in 2019.

There is also one other major thing I want to do and that is to refocus myself on this space. I want to reconnect with my photography again and hopefully as I explore new experiences and relationships that will help with that and also inspire me to write about those things here too. My blog has been with me for a long time now. It predates my meeting Michael in person. It has been my companion through all those years of discovery and exploration. It has bought me untold joy and has fostered my creativity in ways nothing else ever has. I have learned so much about myself through writing and sharing my images here as well as developed a set of skills that I never could have imagined having all those years ago when I started out on this journey.

Building Molly’s Daily Kiss has been a true labour of love but I have enjoyed every moment of it and I love this little old blog of mine with an absolute passion and tomorrow, the 1st of January 2020, I am rather stunned but also proud to say my blog will be 10 years old.

In some ways I feel like I only started this project yesterday and yet I also can barely remember life without it. Whatever happens in my world I have no plans to ever give this space up. Creating that account on wordpress all those years ago was one of the best decisions I ever made. Despite all the ups and downs in life I have never had a moment where I regretted this blog. I have bared my soul here and also my body. If there was ever a case of bleeding on the page this blog is it, sometimes there has even been actual blood. Pressing that publish button has been fun, exciting, exhilarating and at times absolutely fucking terrifying. I have not always shared everything, some things, some experiences and some people for various reasons but I have always been honest and I have always been me.

So tonight I get to celebrate 10 years of creating content here and tomorrow, well…

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life for me
And I’m feeling…..

…mostly myself at the moment but the minute that changes I will definitely let you know.

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  • Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

  • Show Comments (19)

  • Brigit Delaney

    May 2020 bring you light and love and so much possibility!

  • Marie Rebelle

    Your third paragraph has teared me up. I love how close we have become this year, and I am always here for you, my lovely. Always. And despite your own hard year, you have also been there for me too throughout my own difficulties. Thank you for that! On to 2020 and more trips to London! Love you, my beautiful friend!

    And before I forget: CONGRATULATIONS on TEN YEARS of blogging! Here’s to at least ten more!

    Rebel xox

    • Molly Moore

      Absolutely yes to more London trips. And you have been the most amazing friend to me this year.

      Mollyx

  • Silverdom

    May 2020 bring you everything you wish for, my friend.

  • J. Lynn

    10 years is a wonderful achievement. I hope to one day say that I hit that mark. Thank you for being such a lovely person and so open here. You are definitely someone I look up to.

  • Kayla Lords

    I love you, my friend. I know that the clock and calendar changing from on year to another changes nothing but I believe 2020 is going to be an amazing year and an amazing start for you. And I am so happy I get to watch you become more of who you’ve always been (even if you felt/got lost along the way). 💜💜💜

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you, that actually made me tear up a bit.

      Mollyx

  • Cara Thereon

    I love you so damn much. I get a bit teared up thinking about how we’ve battled through at points together. I wish nothing except good and awesome things for you, your love life, and your projects and this blogs. ❤️❤️

    • Molly Moore

      I love you too and wish those things for you also. 2020 here we come

      molly

  • Julie

    Onwards Molly, because that’s the only way to go. Your blog is wonderful, your contribution to this community is amazing and you are a fantastic friend. 2020 will be your year, I am sure xxx

  • Sweetgirl

    Such a raw post. I hope 2020 brings you some closure, as well as some excellent adventures and experiences.

    Sweetgirl x

  • Zebra Rose

    You are an utterly amazing human being and I consider myself very privileged to know you. Thank you for your blog, for the insights that you share, for your beautiful art and the inspiration you provide. I hope 2020 brings you joy, peace and success because you absolutely deserve it. Respect.

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you, that is amazing thing to say. Happy New year to you too

      Mollyx

  • May More

    I once had a year that emotionally left me on the one hand bitter and angry, not to mention confused. The breakup with my kids dad and his appalling behaviour. But this coincided with me falling in love with someone else so I felt like a cacophony of feelings were bursting around inside me. Reading the first few paras here reminded me of that. Shit hits the fan but along the way you discover a love and friendships. Life is such a journey and here is to the next 10 years of your blog. I can’t wait to see your future words and pictures…
    May xx

  • Bee

    You made me all teary. Out of a really tough year my highlight has been becoming closer to you and finding the value of true friendships, it’s something I’ve not experienced before. Thank you for being you xx

  • Tabitha Rayne

    Wow Molly, an incredible year indeed. Feel so privileged to be able to come to this space where you share your life so generously.
    When I saw that header image on the F4T in thumbnail, I couldn’t click it quick enough to enlarge it, I should have guessed that level of perfection was from you, a wonderful artist and photographer x x here’s to 2020

  • Zoë

    Congratulations on 10 years of blogging creativity! I’m glad you have good people, and I wish you a happy 2020 – you deserve it!

  • LittleSwitchBitch

    What a very beautiful post, Molly – I am excited to see what 2020 has in store for you and I am looking forward to reading all about those adventures on the way!

    I know I won’t meet everyone at Eroticon – but if ye do plan to meet up again in the year, let me know – I may travel across for a day trip 🙂

    Much love and I wish you all the love, happiness, health and positivity for 2020 Xx

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