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Courage of your convictions

Molly standing tall in doorway wearing polka dot dress and boots and silver collar for a post about having the courage of your convictions

2008

I don’t want to be married any more. We are getting a divorce.

“What about the children?”

“You like the money too much”

“What will you do when you are old and on your own?”

“Can’t you wait until the children leave home?”

“What a waste”

“What am I going to tell my friends?”

I did it anyway.

2010

I am going to the USA for a holiday on my own and meeting up with a man I met on the internet

“Who is paying for this?”

“What if he is an axe murderer?”

“What do you even know about this man?”

“You don’t know anything about America”

“What about the children?”

“You are behaving so recklessly”

“Who is making you do this?”

I did it anyway.

2010

I write a sex blog

“That’s disgusting”

“Your relationship is so violent”

“What about the children?”

“Who is making you do this?”

“It is not attractive”

“Your are such a nice girl, why would you do that?”

“I wouldn’t want my girlfriend/wife/mother/sister doing that”

I do it anyway.

2011

We are getting married

“This is a mistake.”

“What do you even know about this man?”

“What about the house?”

“What if he tries to steal all your money/house?”

“What about the children?”

“This is insanity”

“What does his family think about this?”

We did it anyway.

This is just some of the special things that people said to me when I made this big changes/decisions in my life. All of them in some way imply that I am some sort of weak ninny, some even imply that I must be so weak or stupid that this must all be someone else’s idea. Or that I am being manipulated by someone else. And of course there is always the children. In my experience the moment you become a Mother that also becomes open season to use those children to try to manage and manipulate you. The implication being that by thinking about yourself or putting yourself first you are a bad Mother. It is of course bullshit but still a powerful message that has been used to control and suppress woman for centuries.

Sometimes though you have to ignore all the dissenting voices and have the courage of your convictions because in my experience being brave and taking a few risks has been the best decisions I ever made… and the children are absolutely fine.

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  • Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

  • Show Comments (16)

  • Elliott

    I like this post, Molly. And dear Lord, I would never call you a weak ninny, and anyone that ever did is an idiot.

  • Marie Rebelle

    You are so right… sometimes people seem to think they are allowed to say all those things to you, only because you have children. Many bigger decisions take a lot of courage, ESPECIALLY if you have children to think about… I did it, and my children are fine too.

    Rebel xox

  • Victoria Blisse

    Amen, Molly, Amen. I wish I’d worked out a lot sooner that listening to my heart and doing stuff for me wasn’t actually selfish, it was self love. But now, I realise it’s importance. Fabulous post.

  • Alethea Hunt

    Flying in the face of received wisdom or social convention takes courage. It is easy sometimes see a person and think their path must have been easy. To see the barriers, false or not, that were put in front of you, either from genuine concern, or as in a lot of those comments/questions, from how your behavior would affect them, your bravery and self conviction shows through. And without your trail blazing, I wouldn’t be writing. Thank you x

  • May More

    I have taken some so-called “risks” in my life and before I made the paticular decision had similar things said to me. I feel what they say is more about them than your decision. Some people just don’t want to “live” this one life. x

  • Missy

    Oh wow. This really spoke to me and I have had so many of these same things said to me. People don’t seem able to cope if they think that you don’t want what they have or what they think you should want. I am so pleased that you did have the courage of your convictions and I that I had mine. There will be those who question you as they did but I think there are more who are inspired and encouraged by you. Missy xx

  • Kayla Lords

    “…being brave and taking a few risks has been the best decisions I ever made… and the children are absolutely fine.”

    YES, YES, and YES to all of this! In my own way, I have been there and made my own brave and risky decisions. And from what I’ve seen, the children are *better* than they would have been if we hadn’t.

  • Sweetgirl

    Very true!

  • Jo

    I’m assuming your children are not only alive and surviving, but thriving. ^^ THANK YOU for sticking with your convictions, Molly; the sex blogging community benefits so much from them!!!

  • Steeled Snake

    So much respect. There is so much strength here. Thank you for sharing this!

  • Mrs Fever

    My husband’s mother did whatever she pleased, and damn the consequences. Knowing what his childhood was like as a result… Somebody SHOULD have been asking, “What about the children?” But nobody did. And nobody helped.

    So while I respect that you did what worked for you, and have no doubt that *your* children are fine, I found that particular repeated phrase difficult to confront peaceably. Because – having just buried my mother-in-law last weekend – it opens some very raw and real wounds.

    • Molly Moore

      I am sorry that your husband had that experience but in my experience that is very often used to control and manipulate women and it is a sentence that men very rarely hear addressed to them unless someone is trying to criticism the Mother of their children. My children’s Father has been largely absent from their lives, for him work comes 1st and above anything else ever. No one has EVER said to him, what about the children, it is completely acceptable for him to buzz in an out when he feels like and throw money at the situation.

      I think if you have children then you own them your time and energy to make sure they are safe, loved, well cared for, but that does not mean to owe them your unhappiness and nor does it mean leaving them with their Father for 2 weeks while you go on holiday should be talked about as if you are the worst parent ever, particularity when that Father is constantly away and no one says a thing about it.

      Mollyx

  • Violet

    As I finished reading this I said aloud, to myself: “FUCK YES!!!” This is such a personal and powerful piece. Thank you for sharing and inspiring!

  • Petra Pan

    This is a great post, thanks for sharing! I’ve been on the receiving end of lots of those sayings (other than the children one as I don’t have any). I was 17 when I met a guy who had been married twice, was going through his second divorce, ran a pub, was a doorman and was 14 years my senior. Everyone told me not to… but I did it any at. We have been together for 20 years now and are blissfully happily married with our three dogs! ♥️

    Good for you for making the choices that have made you happy. You should be the most important person in your life.

  • Posy Churchgate

    Very brave, very strong Molly and I am sure you had asked yourself many of these questions and found sensible answers before your ‘supposed’ support network threw them in your face.

    Life is not a dress rehearsal, as I often tell my children (and have to remind myself!) It can be lived to the full without being selfish or foolish and I think you have demonstrated this with your decisions and your application to doing what makes you happy. A fulfilled mother who has overcome challenges makes a dynamic role model.

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