Wank on

Today is the last day of April which means it is also the last day of #30dayorgasmfun which in case you don’t already know is a project started by Tabitha Rayne to encourage people to enjoy their bodies sexually throughout the whole month of April. For her it was an attempt to improve her mental health through masturbation and orgasms but others join in for all sorts of reasons.

This year I decided I wanted to take part. I didn’t really have a specific reason or aim for the project but I just like the idea of something that would get me to focus on my physical pleasure and orgasms. It felt like a decadent special treat in some ways.

As part of our D/s relationship I have to ask Michael for permission to orgasm. It has taken me a very long time to be comfortable doing this within the context of masturbation. If we are doing stuff together I will happily ask if I can come as I feel that sensation building and I know my orgasm is close but when it came to asking to masturbate I would often feel odd or uncomfortable about asking. One of the issues for me was that I felt like I might be asking too much. Before we were together my normal was to make myself come most mornings. It was almost part of my getting up routine and if that got skipped then I would nearly always do it at bed time instead. When we were first together and long distance from each other masturbating for him became something we did all the time so there was not much change. Then he moved here and we fucked a lot and we still do have a fair amount of sex but not daily however I felt weird asking to masturbate every day as somewhere in my head it felt like I might be saying I was not having enough sex. I know it sounds silly, well it certainly does to me when I write it down. I don’t even really understand it but it was how I felt and it got in my head and stayed there for a very long time.

On top of that there is also something about asking all the time that eventually turns me off. I think it is a hold over to my previous relationship where I was also the instigator of sex and was quite often rejected too. That gradually took its toll on me until I got to a place where I mostly stopped making advances and just took care of myself. I was most definitely a dedicated and regular wanker. However that means that asking for sex/orgasms is something that can actually kill the mood for me and if there is any risk or hint that I might get a knock back (told no in murrican)  then I absolutely won’t ask because that feeling is just fucking awful for me and leaves me feeling angry and sad.

Those two things doubled together and asking to masturbate increasingly became something I did less and less. I just want to say here that Michael rarely, if ever said no and certainly never gave me the impression my sex drive was something undesirable. This was all something that developed in my head.

This is also not something  new. We have talked about this a lot and he has really worked with me to try to break down these thoughts I have around this subject as a result I have slowly got better at asking to masturbate but #30dayorgasmfun has reminded me just how much I love a wank nearly every day. Having an orgasm in the morning really is the best way for me to start my day. It kind of invigorates me and makes me feel like getting up and getting on with my day. That can be either solo or partnered orgasms. I am most definitely a morning sex person.

Over the course of the month I have not done it every day. Sometimes life just gets in the way and I find that if I don’t do it in the morning then by bedtime I am tired and no longer really in the mood so tend to skip it. I have also really enjoyed using my collection of dildos more often. I don’t really know why but I had not really using them much at all but this has reignited my love for them, especially all the beautiful glass ones I have. I also fucking love coming on his fingers. He really does know exactly how to touch me and it always feels so good. When he reaches over for me in the mornings and his hand pushes between my legs I am always a very happy and obliging Molly.

I find myself at the end of month resolved to masturbate more. I feel like I might have finally thrown my reticence to ask away. I want to carry on enjoying touching myself and asking for orgasms and so as May is officially Masturbation Month I asked Michael this morning if I can continue on with trying to make orgasms and pleasure a priority in my day and he happily agreed. So this might be the end of #30dayorgasmfun but it also the beginning of Masturbation Month which I intend to honour to the best of my wanking abilities.