11th May 2011
I wonder if you have any idea how hard waiting is? This isn’t like waiting for a bus or a train and it is not even like waiting for a birthday or a holiday, the first two the waiting is fairly short-lived and the second two are made easier by time frames, known dates to focus on. Ticking days of the calendar to a marked event, although tough, is nothing compared to the unknown waiting.
I am waiting for that type of waiting to begin. I shall embrace that with joy I can tell you that. It will finally feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel when I can start ticking of days until the moment when he comes home.
We spend every possible moment together now, Skype is our lifeline, our connection to each other’s worlds, without that we would truly be lost to one another. Yet it can never be enough, and sometimes it serves as its own form of torture. Yesterday he told me to spread my legs for him
“I want you to cum for me Slutmine, just for me, because you are mine”
Looking up at Him I smiled, but there in my eyes if you had looked really closely you would have seen tears. Tears of love and joy that I have Him in my life but also tears for what I miss; his touch upon my body, his breath upon my neck, His belt marking my arse, his whispered words in my ears, his cock filling me….. Oh I miss those things so much and just writing them down reminds my body of them all over again. I can feel the moisture gathering between my thighs, my body responding to those stimuli of memories, always resorting to its default mode, lust, desire, arousal, hunger all of which remain unsatisfied.
No matter how many times I cum for Him, no matter how much I touch my body at His commend, there can be no satisfaction. Nothing will satisfy the monster within me, it craves Him and Him alone. Watching Him cum yesterday, feeling my own orgasm power through my body in time with His is one of those moments of torture when I question whether it is a moment of pleasure or pain.
I can see Him, hear Him, we share our visual and audio worlds, knowing that he is cumming with me, just as I am cumming for Him is wonderful but still I want to scream at it all. My fingers tingle with the need to reach out and touch His cum, to play with it, feel its warm stickiness beneath my fingertips bring it to my mouth and taste it, rub it on me and anoint my flesh with His juices, but I can’t. Torture.
It’s like a desperate thirst or hunger, like mirages in the desert, I can see my heart’s desire so clearly, it is right in front of my eyes but no matter how much I reach out I cannot touch it. My body burns for His touch, my mind longs for the peace that being with Him brings and my soul wanders around lost, searching always for its missing piece.