I have spent all week mulling the topic of Protocol over in my brain and I have tried starting this piece about 3 times. Each time I think I have things squared away and am ready to write about it I find that actually my thoughts are still fairly jumbled. Maybe this is a result of holiday brain, which I certainly have at the moment but I also think it is a result of this being tricky subject to cover. I mean, what is protocol? And even if we had an agreed upon definition, which I don’t believe we do I am fairly sure that every single persons protocol within their relationship would be different.
Last night as we sat here in our pretty rented house in Philadelphia I asked for him for his thoughts on the matter, something I probably should have done earlier to be honest (again I blame holiday brain) and as a result of that conversation I have come to the conclusion that we don’t really practise protocol in the way most people would define it and I even know why.
I think the fact that we live and work together 24/7 means that he is rarely far from my side and so he feels no need to put into place any protocol type activities or rituals for when he is not around. However even when I look back at the long distance years of our life together I still don’t see a great deal of protocol and I believe that actually that type of set repetitive behaviour is not something that either of thrive on. For him, he likes to be to in the moment and spontaneous, he would much rather wrestle me to the ground and fuck me senseless, when the urge takes him than have me sitting quietly at his feet waiting for him. For me, well I am a routine loving little slut, I like nothing more than falling into a comfortable happy safe routine that means I know exactly what is expected of me and when. Sounds like protocols and rituals would fit me perfectly but that is actually the issue; they would fit me too perfectly. I would latch onto them, they would become rote for me and in that exact moment when they did they would become my little safety blanket against chaos in my life and instantly lose all meaning to me. I wouldn’t end up doing them because they proved my submission to him, or because they made me feel submissive or focused my mind on him or us I would end up doing them because I could control them and the moment I slip into that then in general I tend to lose the more free thinking spontaneous frame of mind that actually allows me to function in a more rounded and creative way and give my attention to the right things at the right time. Too much protocol, routine, ritual would in the long run I believe actually work in a negative way for me and probably become something I would deeply resent. One of the greatest gifts having him in my life has given me is freedom; freedom to be me, to express myself, to learn, grow and develop in all aspects of my life. He has nurtured a free spirit within me that had spent so many years being repressed.
So do we have any aspects of protocol to our relationship? Sure we do. I nearly always refer to him as Sir and am expected too. I would never make an arrangement for us or myself to go out or have people round etc without checking with him first. I know if he calls my name, asking him to ‘hang on’ is not an acceptable response and there are others but they really are just the subtle dynamics of our life together as opposed to more ritual rules and routine that I think are more widely viewed as being protocol.
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