Showing My Spots

By on November 14, 2012.

The prompt for Wicked Wednesday this week is this… (click the image to enlarge)

Bi-sexual Umbrella

I have not written a great deal about this subject and so when I saw the prompt I thought it was the ideal opportunity to change that.

It is an interesting image but as the text says it is just one persons opinion. Fitting yourself into the definitions beneath this umbrella is not compulsory or even desirable and for many people the terms used here may well mean something else very different from those determined by the author, which leads me to a short point about labels in general.

Regardless of many people’s discomfort with labels as humans we are rather drawn to them simply because they help us to order our world. They allow us to converse with others about nearly all aspects of our lives from a sentence as simple as “Please can you pass the salt” to something more complicated like “My primary relationship is with a man but I am attracted to woman sexually”. We label the salt; salt because as a society labels and language and the resulting communication requires us to do that and so the same applies to the labels we give to ourselves. However it is the labels we give to ourselves or others try to force upon us, that present us with more challenges and yet most us have a need to use them, understand them, define them and apply them. The danger comes when you try to define yourself by a label, especially using other people’s expectations and definitions, rather than defining the label for yourself.

I am all too aware of this with regards to being submissive. There are so many misconceptions about that label and quite often I am faced with people making incorrect assumptions about the type of person I am just because I identify with being sub. I am sure we have all heard it before; all submissive women have previously been in abusive relationships or were abused as a child, all submissive women like pain play or one of my recent favourites that I actually encountered on Fetlife in a group dedicated to submissive woman and firmly put out there as a truth by a submissive woman… “you are clearly not a truly submissive woman as you are trying to make the decisions and real submissive woman are not interested in doing that” Yeah I know… special right?

However I am submissive (to him) and I am a woman, they are labels that I identify with and labels I am comfortable defining for myself. I understand what they mean for me. I refuse to mould myself to the label, in fact the complete opposite. I mould the label to suit me. So where do I see myself beneath the bi-sexual umbrella?

Well for many years I was firmly in the bi-curious section. I have always been attracted to woman physically but for most of my young adult life it was a very hidden secret. I had no idea how to go about exploring it and absolutely no opportunity ever arose. Then in my mid thirties my life changed completely and suddenly I find myself with a partner who not only encouraged me to talk about my secret curiosities but also helped me to go about exploring them and suddenly I was bi-curious no more.

I still remember her now. She was Chinese; we meet her and her partner at a swingers club. He was the chatty one, Sung (pronounced Sun) spoke English as a second language and on top of that was actually quite shy when it came to conversation, although I was later to discover this was not the case when it came to removing both her clothes and mine. To cut a long story short the men set us up, well my partner set me up, and so I found myself outside one of the private bedrooms with one the sexiest Chinese woman I had ever laid eyes on whispering into my ear, asking me if it was true that I wanted to know what it was like to be with a woman. We ended up locked in that room for well over an hour as she tenderly and skilful introduced to me to the glorious delights of her petite body and when I had finally had my fill and she was left panting and sweaty on the bed next to me she then showed me what it was like to cum for a woman. Afterwards we laid there together, I will never forget the sight of her beautiful long thick black hair cascading over my breasts as she lay with her head on my stomach and we giggled and talked, until eventually our respective male companions got bored and came and knocked on the door.

I never saw her again after that day. I wish I had. I don’t think I ever properly thanked her for what she did for me. In that one short hour she shared herself with me in the most loving and passionate ways you can imagine and she made me realise that my sexual attraction to woman was very real.

Since then I have gone on to have girl sex with a few woman but all of them have been fairly casual and often fleeting encounters. Nearly all of them have been lovely and a couple of them have been absolutely fucking red-hot and right now I find myself needy for more but not quite sure what to do about it. You see I am sexually attracted to women, I want to touch them, I want to kiss them, I want to undress them, I want to explore their beautiful bodies and most of all I want to make them cum. I get such a massive kick out of making them cum. However my primary relationship is with a man and I am fairly confident when I say that I believe it always will be. Before I am bi-sexual I am heterosexual, my love and need for cock, for maleness, far outweighs my desire for women and yet it is a desire that niggles at me.

I want a girlfriend. I grew tired of the one night swingers opportunities fairly quickly and a slight health scare made me realise that not everyone was as clean or as trustworthy as I thought they were and so I rather I went off the ‘random female stranger in a sex club’ interactions. Of course there have been others and it has been those others that have made me realise that I would like a female fuck buddy. I am not able to be the best girl friend ever. I have a busy life, with family and a wonderful husband who really is the focus of my life and so in my ideal world I would love to find a woman a bit like me who now and then would be up for running away together from all the above and spending a night or an afternoon or some other specified time indulging in some deliciously naughty girl sex. Know anyone?

So there you have it. If I look at the terms beneath the umbrella I definitely identify with being bi-sexual but if I read the author’s definitions I could also fall under the ‘Fluid’ definition and possibly the heteroflexible one too but really I am most comfortable with the bi-sexual one. It seems to fit well beneath my own umbrella of terms and definitions that I carry around with me. It feels right as one of my many spots.

Swirling dress with colour splash and spotty umbrella Mollyxxx

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Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker
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  1. Where is my “like” button?

    You know, people are people…gender is a trained concept that really makes no difference when it comes to pleasures and even emotions.

    As always, bravo.

    Stranded
    Stranded recently posted..BoomMy Profile

  2. Too damn bad there’s an ocean separating us. I feel exactly the same way…and you’re hot – so it just might work. ;-) No really. I totally understand your plight. Mr. LL and I have talked about this. He really wants to have a “shared” girlfriend. I really wouldn’t want to share. So, we don’t have one. But, if the right girl came along…
    Brigit Delaney recently posted..Ever shot cum out of your nose?My Profile

  3. I guess Id be in the same part of the spectrum as yourself.
    Ever since teenage I have found myself attracted to women on a purely physical basis, though my relationships have been and are with men.
    The need for a woman is a purely physical “itch” which every now and then needs to be relieved which isn’t something that all men understand.
    This has led to me sneaking off to seek pleasure in the past but luckily these days I’m my own girl, sub to a great Master who understands me probably better than any previous partner.
    Proof I guess that patience is a virtue – its taken me til I’m nearly 50 to get things this way-) !

  4. Heh… I’m firmly bisexual but I’m not sure that I could ever have a primary relationship with another female, I’m too traditional I guess. What you propose sounds a great way to go about it… let’s get rid of the pond, shall we? and just have a go at it ;)

    ~Kazi xxx
    KaziGrrl recently posted..Wicked Wednesday: Sensual Rope PlayMy Profile

  5. You wouldn’t have to ask me twice to run away with you for a weekend or an hour. Your bit about Sung was beautiful. I always say I want a girlfriend, but as you noted, I too would be horrible, I don’t have time for myself some days! And I really enjoy seeing and reading about all your spots!
    Kim recently posted..Worth the waitMy Profile

  6. Really interesting post.
    Personally I used to identify as bi-sexual but now, with all the hoo-hah around it and the definitions being slung around I just have no clue anymore. I like men, I like women, but I love personality. So whatever that is, that’s me!
    p.s. if you’re ever in France give me a bell ;)
    Mrs Teepot recently posted..The Gallery: The 80sMy Profile

  7. Yet again a wonderful and thoughtful post and I loved your words on labels. Yes, indeed, we should make a label fit us and not change ourselves to fit a label.

    I am privileged to have what you want too. Or I think I do. I sure hope I do. I have blogged about our first date with the couple and I will also blog about the second date. And I think many dates will follow. Which is absolutely wonderful. My primary relationship is with my Husband, hers with her husband, but we love to spend time together too and have tender girl sex. It’s great! I know out there is someone for you too! You will find her :)

    And in the meantime: KISS ;)

    Rebel xox
    Marie Rebelle recently posted..Kink Shame & Pride: Being bisexualMy Profile

  8. Interesting post. What a lovely first bisexual experience that you had, it sounds like she was a beautiful person inside and out!

    ~Mia~ xx
    Mia recently posted..LabelsMy Profile

  9. The umbrella pic says everything about the power we give to labels, when I still posted on swinging sites bi, bi curious, hetroflexiable , pillow princess all used to be discussed until you wanted to scream. As you very wisely say labels are personal and only by getting to know the person can we know what it means to them (although of course that could be said of all language. )

    I consider myself bi cos I am attracted to men and women. I could have ended up in a life long relationship with a woman, but I met MrJem , and fell in love with him. That is my use of the word, no one else .

    AS fro sub women groups on fet…that;s one of the reasons we dont do fet, I am just not twue enough and the DO has had his union card revoked :D

    Now where do I apply for the role of girlfriend….intelligent women are my fetish :-)

  10. Lovely pic!

    As far as the post goes. I also had that kind of labelling problem. Bisexual never felt right for me, but it was the one I was associated with because of my sexual experiences. When I looked at things more closely, at my needs and desires, heteroflexible worked for me. I have no desire for a girlfriend. If one comes along, great, but I don’t feel a lack by not having a non cis male in my life. I never have.
    Emily recently posted..Orgasms, BreastsMy Profile

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