Feeling

“Feeling too much is a hell of a lot better than feeling nothing.” ~ Nora Roberts

Although right now I could totally go for dialling it down a bit.

I have felt it all this week. It started with hope but sadly that was replaced with disbelief, shock, anger, fear, disgust. The tank is empty this weekend. I feel brittle, raw and utterly exhausted. I am scared for my family and dear friends in the USA but also for the rest of us. This has the potential to go way beyond the borders of that one country.

I don’t understand how so many people looked at that man spouting his incoherent shite and thought yep, we need more of that, let alone the fact he is a rapist etc but better that than a competent woman of colour I guess. Misogyny for the win yet again. It is exhausting. I am tired. So bone achingly tired.

I have been feeling the urge to write returning but this week it vanished again. I am determined to reconnect with it. I know I can do it because I want to do it but not today. Today I need to rest, to turn inwards, to nurture myself. To be with my family, my friends. To breathe in the goodness of my life. To focus on the joys I have. Then maybe I can unfurl and look outwards again.

For everyone struggling, I see you. You are not alone. Take care of yourselves.