14th December 2011
As we travel down this D/s road together I am constantly learning about myself and about us; how we work together not just as Dom and sub but as husband and wife, partners, lovers, best friends. As the days turn into weeks and then months I find that these various roles we both have just seem to merge together and the edges of ourselves blur into a softer line where we meet.
I like learning. It makes me feel alive to know things I didn’t know before, no matter what the subject but learning about myself brings me a feeling of calm that for many years I was lacking. As I grow within myself I am learning to accept all the different parts of me, whether they are good or bad they are all me.
One thing that I’ve come to recognise about myself over this last week or so is that the slut within me is a greedy little minx and that no matter how much he feeds me I am still wanting more. It is not that I am unsatisfied very far from it in fact but that as my body is used and abused and pushed to its limits I find a hidden depth within me that continues to surface and surprise me with its need to be harnessed.
I have realised that in the last few months we have only just started to scratch the surface of our D/s selves and that my submissive nature is really only just truly coming to life. I think so many months of being apart meant that sub consciously I suppressed many of my desires. It was a safety mechanism to ensure that they didn’t consume and destroy us while I waited for our lives together. Now I don’t have to do that anymore but changing that kind of protective stanch doesn’t happen overnight and certainly doesn’t happen when you have not even recognised you are doing it. That has changed now and I am gradually learning to wallow in my submissive nature and more importantly my slutty nature because I think it was this area of me that I probably suppressed more than anything.
I am a slut. I have know that for a long time now but it has only been the last week or so that I really stopped holding her in and the result of this has been surprising to say to least because just as I said above it seems to have unleashed a hunger for him that is fairly demanding. I want him to touch me, to use me, to fuck me, to twist me and turn me inside out until I am panting at his knees covered in his cum. I want to make him hard, to hear him groan. I want to taste him on my tongue and watch his eyes as I do. I want his hands on me, his mouth on me, his belt, his whip, and his flogger, whatever he chooses to mark my body. I want to cry for him, I want to cum for him, I want to spread my slutty legs for him and beg him to fuck me but most of all I want him to feed his cumslut.
Pearl Necklace (click for another view)
I want it in me, on me, over me, for me. I want to feel it dribbling down my thighs or drying on my skin so that I can peel it off later and eat it. I want to wear it like his collar round my neck, and feel it trickle down between my breast and over my nipples. I want to hear that noise he makes over and over and over again as empties his balls because of me. I am learning though that no matter how much I want it, it is not mine to take, but his to give which is a thought that quite frankly just makes me want it even more.
Ps… It is Wanton Wednesday and guess what? I am feeling WANTON!