I can’t believe a whole week has gone by since I posted anything on my blog. To be honest with you it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster week, a broken down car, the stress of trying to find a replacement and the financial concerns that that brings, along with all the usual stresses has rather eaten its way into my writing time. Did you miss me, I missed you…..I like writing my blog, I find it very cathartic, it’s relaxing and helps me to explore my brain in a way that nothing else does and when I press the ‘Publish Post’ button and I see my work up there in lights, so to speak, I love that feeling of accomplishment that that moment brings.
So I am laying here snuggled under my duvet with a hot water bottle warming my toes and waiting. Oh my, do you have any idea how much waiting I have done recently. If it were a professional sport then I am sure that I would be in the premier league but somehow I doubt I would be about to win the big shiny cup. You see, I may well have done a lot of waiting, but I am not that good at it. I have tried my very best for Him, to stay strong and focused and brave but I miss Him and when that missing feeling gets a hold, it’s like a deep dark ache that builds and eventually consumes me. It makes me feel anxious, scared, and sad and the tears will often come very easily.
I know he finds it hard to watch me like that sometimes, he has a desperate need to ‘fix’ everything, to make things better and watching me suffer, because of my longing for Him, I know must be agony for Him at times but what choice do I have. Should I cover it up for Him, put on a bright and cheery face and only let my grief out when he is not around? No, not only do I doubt that I could manage that even if I try, or that he would not spot the cover up and demand that I stop but most of all, this is a journey that we must travel together. A friend told me the other day……’you must survive together until such time as you can thrive together’…..they are wise words from a supremely wise man…… The only way through this for Him and I is together, the good bits and the bad alike, they must be travelled together.
So here I am and I am afraid a few hours have passed since I started writing this, but I am still snuggled under my duvet, although the hot water bottle is now cold, the bed still holds my warmth from the night I have spent in it and yet again I am waiting, this time for him to wake. So you see, waiting is what I do, I have become an expert as months and months of waiting have slowly ticked by but today’s waiting is slightly easier, slightly better than before as now I only have 10 days left to wait. In 10 days time he will be laying in this bed with me, he will be here by my side and for a little while at least I can stop waiting and just be.
PS…Sorry if the song is a bit cheesy but it says it all. I am right here waiting for Him, and whatever it takes or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for Him. I had forgotten all about this song until today, and now it’s playing on my computer as I type out these last few words for you. The tears are staring to prickle in my eyes as I listen, the words say it all, everything I think and feel every day is here in this song.
It’s Wanton Wednesday again and I have to admit that this rather tough week has left me having to search for my Wanton lusty self. It’s not that it gone away, just that she is has been buried alive under the sheer weight of life, but that’s why I love the concept to Wanton Wednesday as no matter what other stuff is going on, this will make me put that all aside, if only for a few moments, and trawl through my photographs to find a suitable offering for such a day. That time spent photo searching is always time well spent as the whole process of looking through my naughty picture file, which seems to be constantly growing by the way, makes me smile and makes me remember moments shared and the way I felt sexy when I took certain pictures and once I have finally chosen the one I am going to post I find that my wanton lusty dirty bad girl slut is well and truly back and today is no exception.
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