I have thought long and hard about writing this post over the last few days. You would have thought friends or friendship should be an easy subject and yet I find it a slightly challenging one.
I have some truly wonderful friends in my life. The Bee, who I took today off from work to go and see, The ‘morning texter’ who makes sure I know what day of the week it is and the weather before I even tumble out of bed. BW without whom my Whatsap would purely be messages from my kids, hers are wayyyyy more cool then, Mum where is my…. There is also BW’s partner in crime who lights up my skype with her beautiful face and fabulous conversation. RG who mainly lives way too far away for my liking but every moment spent with her is a joy. There are others, all unique and special friendships that I treasure. They all make my life a happier place, they make me laugh, think, listen, learn and grow as myself and as their friend in return. I think I am a good friend to me friends. At least I know I try my absolute best to always be one.
There are also lost friends. There are some who over the years have, for various reasons dropped, out of my life. There are not really any that I have fallen out with just circumstances have caused us to lose touch or drift apart. I still count them as friends though. They were a valuable part of my life at one time or another.
There are also ex lovers who were also true and dear friends to me, on at least one occasion for many years after our physical relationship ended. He was not only a friend to me but also to my children and still checks in with me from time to time. I think of all those men with a great fondness, they too bought joy and friendship to my life in some cases at a time when I needed it very badly.
There is one friend though who I miss every single day of my life. This Christmas he will have been gone 5 years. He had a heart attack and died in his sleep, sitting in his chair at home, on the day after Christmas. We were in Philadelphia and he was due to drive up from DC to see me the next day. Clearly he never made it. The last time I saw him in person had been over a year but we talked on Skype and on the phone all the time. Of all the friends I have ever had throughout my life he was THE ONE. Just writing this paragraph is making me cry. I fucking miss him so fucking much. People say grief gets easier and with other people I have lost I have found that to be true but not in this case. I don’t really know why, maybe because it feels like he went too soon or maybe just because he was probably the most amazingly wonderful friend to me and we were close in ways that I have never experienced with another human being that has not been a lover. He knew me, often without me having even to explain myself. He was wise, thoughtful, caring, strong, nurturing, honest, loyal, funny and I loved (love) him.
The story of friendship does not end there though because there is one type of friendship that rules my friendship world. That is the friendship that goes beyond a best friend; it is someone who you fit so perfectly with that it takes your breath away sometimes. It is a soul-mate and I am very lucky to have found mine. Every night I get to go to bed with him and every day we wake up together. He is my husband, my Dom, my lover, my sounding board, a co-parent, a business partner, and my best friend ever.