Think Different

By on January 9, 2013.

I have always known I was different. At school I was the lonely quiet child, painfully shy and socially awkward. I had the odd friend from time to time, lonely types tend to find other lonely types but none of these people would be friends for life. We were only friends because we needed to be at the time, a friendship of convenience if you like.

Once I left school I already knew I was different I just had absolutely no idea how or why, just that I was and unless I wanted to spend my days lonely and alone then I had better try to make the most of who I was. So I cut my hair short, spent some of precious holiday job money on some new clothes and left London for Brighton. It was a brave move. I know it doesn’t sound it but it was.

In hindsight I still had no fucking idea what I was doing, what I was looking, or who the hell I was although for about 2 months I plunged myself forward into finding out. I pulled, repeatedly and loved every moment of it. I think my favourite was an older man (older to me anyway, I was 19 and he was 30) we spent a wild a passionate weekend together in his flat and I left with the smell his cum on me and wearing his jumper, as my clothes I had arrived in had been appropriate for clubbing, not for going home on the bus.

Then for reasons that even now still baffle me I forgot about my quest to find out who I was and I started going out with Mr Safe. I won’t go into that story here for a number of different reasons but suffice to say Mr Safe turned into an 18 year relationship and a 13 year marriage with 2 kids just to cement the deal. Except, after all those years of doing the ‘right’ thing I suddenly realised that if I stuck with this ‘deal’ I was going to spend the rest of my life being that person and never ever finding out who I really was or why I still had this strong suspicion that I was different.

I think from that moment on the marriage was doomed, although it had been slowly slipping away for a while but suddenly knowing that made getting out seem that much more important. It was one of the toughest decisions I ever made and although at times it was agony I have never ever regretted it.

And so a new chapter started, one that involved ME, and life and learning and eventually love by the humongous bucketful. Much of that journey is documented here in some form or other and the chapters keep coming. Life is full now, exciting, challenging, nurturing, fulfilling and different.

You see I have learnt something very important through all this; I am different, beautifully, insanely, strangely different but then so are you. It is what makes us, us, it is what makes us human. We don’t all like the same things, we don’t all look the same way, we don’t believe the same stuff and we don’t all get off the same way but why the fuck would we want to? I love my different and I am intrigued and interested in your different. I am who and what I am, a myriad of different experiences, emotions, moods, likes, hates, habits and impulses. I am happy with my different, at times I wish I had known all this way back when, maybe I might not have spent quite so many years be utterly terrified of my different but suspect if truth be told I was just not quite ready to be different and anyway if I had been maybe I would never have found my different partner!

When we look out of the window of our lives we are often bemused by what we see and it would appear that for most the need to find people who are the same or similar to us is a strong pull. I understand it completely but the problems arise when we find those people, band together and use our power as a ‘group’ to cast judgement and ostracize others because they are, or appear to us, too different. It is the way of teenagers, hence my school years, but when it is also the way of grown adults, who should know better, I can’t help but hate it. You are different too, you just are not brave enough to say it or live it, so do not hate on me just because I am. I look out of my window and I want to see you, but that can only happen if you are brave enough to let me. Accepting my differences has only ever bought me a great deal of happiness and freedom to be me and accepting other people’s differences has made life far less worrying. I love being different, how about you?

sexy woman sitting in a window seat

 

Think different, Love different, Live different!

Mollyxxx

Ps… Click on the icon below to see who else is joining in with Wicked Wednesday (The prompt this week is #different)

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About: 

Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker
Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss
and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

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  1. I was that different outcast too. I still am. Right now my life is going in an awful direction & I’m unsure about what’s ahead but reading a story like this tells me I’m not alone & most times things do work out. I needed thus story this morning. And the photo is amazing.
    Kim recently posted..Walk of no-shameMy Profile

  2. Stands up and applauds loudly. I am still working on my WW. Like you I have always known I was different. Every other little girl didn’t get abused or molested. But even beyond that I have kinks that others look down upon. Like my desire for an open marriage. Like you I think what makes us different is the whole point of survival. If we all did the same things as others how boring this world would be.
    Twisted Angel recently posted..TMI RabbitsMy Profile

  3. I totally get this. Thankfully, I didn’t have to go through an unfulfilling marriage to find myself and a partner who could help me do so. Sometimes, I think it is the curse of some(many? most?) creative types. It’s nice to know that, in this blogging community…even if we may not always shout our differences to the world – we still have an outlet in each other.
    Brigit Delaney recently posted..Sex Games People PlayMy Profile

  4. I myself am exploring the many things about me that I tried to ignore then just because I felt different. Until now I am struggling with accepting these differences and fear that before my life ends, I won’t have enough time to be happy and to enjoy myself. I wish I was carefree and more accepting of who I am. I wish I did not stop myself because of certain inhibitions. I wish I took the time to not be afraid of falling. I tried too much to be perfect that the world was nothing but something ordinary.

    Thank you Molly for this post! You inspire me a lot!
    Agatha-luise recently posted..Inside A Virgin’s Mind: The SubconsciousMy Profile

  5. That was a very beautiful and touching piece. Hope you continue to find joy on your journey. As for being different? I thrive on it. In many ways seek it out and flaunt it which was how decades ago back when I was the weird kid at school I figured out how to survive.
    Malflic recently posted..Road Side Gift Shop KinkMy Profile

  6. Yes we’re all different. But also, i think, I am different than myself. The child, the the career girl, the woman who married a good, lovely man, the devoted housewife and ma. And this woman now. As I get older it’s not so much that I have always been a different person but different petals open and I become more able to know and be myself. I’m maybe a slow developer :)
    Being free to enjoy that growth is not always an easy choice as you say. But I do think it is the right one and the more honest one.
    Curious Muse recently posted..The zip.My Profile

  7. Very true! We are all different and that is a wonderful thing.

    I never fitted in but I never tried to fit in either. I have always accepted myself. Sometimes it would have been a lot easier to fit in, but had I done that (and avoided the shit that came my way), I would not be who I am now. And, you know what, I like me. It is a shame more people do not learn to love difference in themselves and in others.
    Emily recently posted..101 Things in 1001 Days: The LaunchMy Profile

  8. When I read your first paragraph, I could not help to think about your remark that we might have been twins separated at birth. I too was totally different from anyone else at school and only had the occasional friend. Yes, I too was socially awkward and always felt like I did not fit in with the rest.

    You were brave to step out of your marriage to find your true self. But I believe that you needed to have the experience of the marriage to really and truly appreciate what you have today. If you had followed along another path of life, you might always have wondered about Mr. Safe. Now you know.

    And you are so right Molly, we are all different and we should accept that of each other and not push others away only because they are different from what we are. Respect.

    Rebel xox
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  9. Molly,
    You are different, unique; I may even use the ‘special’ word, but that difference is why we all like you. You bring sunshine into so many lives by being you, by being different. Eloquently written, as usual.
    Rachel x
    Rachel Kincaid recently posted..ScaredMy Profile

  10. I definitely love being different; I too knew from very early on that I didn’t fit in but I’ve always kind of embraced that. :)

    Speaking of communities, I didn’t mean to leave you out when I was ranting on (I think I did just because I was ranting… and tired… anyway, I just edited it to include you and Rebel as memes that have promoted successful communities!

    Keep on trekking ;)

    ~Kazi xxx
    KaziGrrl recently posted..Meme-riesMy Profile

  11. I adore being different – but it has its challenges. I think the biggest one is getting to that place of realising that often you have to go through horrendousness to recognise that being different is a great thing…

    You look incredible in that image!

    xx Dee
    Curvaceous Dee recently posted..Intriguing Reading #50My Profile

  12. You are different…
    You are wonderful…
    You are brave…
    You are kind…

    You are YOU…

    You are my friend…

    Love YOU!!

  13. Great story.
    Oddly enough I have tried for long portions of my life to be normal, fit in, and kinda be a “Mr Safe.
    I was born way to different to blend. The grass is always greener.
    The other side is me trying to embrace and be ok with my oddness.
    I point out to myself that normal is boring, differences are the spice in life, and that I am never attracted to average/normal people.
    Why then should I wish to be one?
    Why would anyone?
    Unique is the way to be.
    Inferno recently posted..How long should intercourse last?My Profile

  14. This is one of my favourite parts of reading blogs: that every now and then you get a tiny glimpse into the former lives of the people writing them. Their pasts and trials and tribulations and celebrations… plus, when they’re this well written, and this honest, it’s just a joy to read.

    Thank you Molly. Not to mention… anyone who heralds the idea of thinking differently is a hero to me.
    Harper Eliot recently posted..Prosa Sparse: On RebirthMy Profile

  15. I read this the other day and had to go away and think about it as it echoed so much of my early life and how I feel now about things that happened then and where they have brought me now.

    It is like reading about myself in so many ways, reading the words that you have written. It surprised me, to a degree, that someone else had such similar experiences to myself (without the addition of children which has always been a heartbreak to me).

    I am so happy for you that you found your way as I found mine and that we can look forward to our futures with opened eyes.

    ~Mia~ xx
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    • Thank you for this lovely comment. It always amazes me and pleases me when people find something in my words that really resonates with them. I guess it is a bit like reaching out into a crowd and just waiting to see who reaches back. It is a very powerful thing.

      Mollyxxx

  16. Amazingly inspiring post. I’m not sure if I like being different or not; it mostly depends on my mood. Sometimes I revel in it, other times I hate it. I wish I could be as at peace with it as you are!
    Mrs Teepot recently posted..Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

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