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Bucket, Fuck and Christmas Lists

molly laying on front of christmas tree in fishnet stockings for post about fuck list

“Christmas comes this time each year” ~ The Beach Boys

Christmas List

The tree is up and it is surrounded by an growing pile of presents. I have my daughter to thank for that who loves wrapping presents and is very OCD about it all. The only presents I ever wrap are the ones I get her and she always tells I did it wrong.

Christmas is a weird one this year. The closing of a year is often a time for reflection on the past but that tends to lead me to fairly unhappy thoughts. Apart from my trip to Miami and the development of my relationship with The Charmer it has been a really fucking hideous year. Reflecting on things is important. Taking stock of what you did, good and bad, what you achieved or didn’t helps with growth and learning but I feel like I have done a lot of that this year and to be honest much of it tends to lead to me feeling angry, resentful and/or sad. I need to work on looking forward more and letting that go. Easier said then done but I am trying. It is tough though dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions and quite frankly feeling frustrated at not being where I want to be but again those are reasons to look forward and work on changing those not back and lingering in the past.

My Christmas list this year is really short but sadly mostly unobtainable because really all I want is to spend it with The Charmer. Or at least see him for a bit but sadly various hurdles are preventing that. Instead I will happily take having some plans to see him in 2020 in place. I fear I might be disappointed on that front too but I know we will get there. Long Distance Relationships are HARD but more on that another time.

Apart from that I don’t really care about what I get. I want some time to myself. I want to read some books and lay on the sofa and enjoy a bit of a break. I want my kids to be happy and for us all to play some stupid games and eat nice food. I am looking forward to not having to be taxi Mum EVERY day for a couple of weeks and hopefully just finishing this year off not feeling like total emotionally exhausted crap.

Bucket List

Oh where do I start?

There are so many things I want to do. Many of them have been things I have wanted for a long time and some of them are new but really only because I never dreamed that they might be possible really. With my life changing this year lots of things have shifted including opportunities for me to potentially do things I had maybe given up on and also make some changes that I never anticipated. Mostly what I want to do is build a life for myself that feels right and good but some things that just jump straight into my mind when I think about that are…

Sell my house and find somewhere that feels like MY home
Make enough money that I am not constantly scared about money
Build a business that I am proud of and achieves the previous goal
Write a book
Do the photography project I have owned the domain name for these last few years
Take dance classes
Exhibit some of my photos
Sell some of my photos
Live somewhere warm or spend as much time there as possible.
Balance my life so I have work time and time off to just do whatever
Get more tattoos
Laugh often
Love always

And some travel things…
Go to India
Walk the Machu Picchu Trail
Go to a swingers resort holiday
See whales in the wild
Go to Vegas again
Banish some ghosts in London (yes I am being cryptic)
Travel more in the USA and visit with various friends

There are other things. Some of which I am not ready to share publicly yet for various reasons but also this is just an off the cuff first thought kind of list. I could easily spend hours thinking about this and write something really detailed but I don’t need or what to. I know what I want the big picture to look like, the rest is just fitting in the pieces that make it up.

Fuck List

Maybe it would be more accurate to call it a sex, kink and relationships list but that doesn’t sound no where near as catchy as a fuck list so I am sticking with that.

There are so many things! Many of them I have done already but I want to do again and again and many I have never done but want to do. I could probably write a very long list for this but instead like above I going to stick to the ones that immediately jump to mind.

MFM threesome
Wake up between two men (a MFM threesome with a sleepover I guess)
Do more rope (I have discovered it makes me super floaty)
Go to a kink or rope convention or ideally both
Be hunted
Indulge my Consensual Non Consent kink in all kinds of filthy ways
Be fucked by a woman with a strap on while he watches
Join a couple for a FMF threesome
Have a DP with two men again
Re-explore impact play
Get branded (this is actually going to happen)
Take pictures of a couple fucking (not for me to get off but more for the photographer in me)
Fuck in a graveyard

Again I could go on and for most of these there are real details to each one. In fact I could probably write a post about each one and explain it much more depth. Maybe that is a good idea for a series of post. However one of the really key things for me in this area is exploring non-monogamy and what I want that to be like and how it works for me. I have already realised that casual hook-up sex is not really for me. I want to spend time with people who I like and who interest me in more ways than just banging body parts together. I also know that I like having a partner and being a partner. What you might call primary partners for what of a better phrase. I think that works for me. I like that closeness and bond that is developed in that space. I want my person. I want to be a team. I want someone to play and explore and adventure with and yes that includes fucking other people with them too.

I truly never expected to be in this place. One of the things that Christmas has highlighted to me is how radically different my life looks compared to this time last year. Putting up the tree and planning for Christmas I can’t help but look back on that time, at my blissful ignorance to what 2019 held for me and shake my head in disbelief but also in pain too because mostly none of getting to the here and now has been very nice. There are only a few weeks left of this terrible year now though and I am hopeful that 2020 will me a huge improvement but I will have to admit that 2019 has maybe left me a little jaded and cautious on that front. I have wounds to lick for sure but I am determined to get through this and build a world for me that brings me joy and happiness.

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  • Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

  • Show Comments (23)

  • Mx Nillin

    I absolutely love your bucket list, I’m so excited for the opportunities for experiences that you didn’t have before and I’m thrilled for you to build the life and home that you deserve xoxo

    Also, I am totally stealing this idea haha. I used to do a “fucket list” on my blog each year but it wasn’t really working out how I liked it so I was planning on skipping it. But I LOVE how you’ve combined your sex and relationship goals with life goals too.

  • Sweetgirl

    I hope you get to realise your goals 😊

  • Floss

    There are some fabulous things on this list Molly and I truly hope you get to experience as many of them as possible. I think I’m stealing ‘photographing a couple fucking’ but as the person doing the fucking, hot damn I love it when other bloggers give me new sexy things to want and enjoy 🙂 x

  • May More

    Reading about your conflict regarding your emotions reminds me of how I have felt in the past and these feelings still haunt me every so often when something new in my life somehow links back and the angry and resentful thoughts surface again. But they calm and then I move forward again. I tell myself I am lucky to have the ability to feel so deeply about so many different things. And I really like how in this post you can see that knowing where you actually “want to be” is a positive thing and can help you get past the shity feelings, even if you can’t be where u want to be yet.
    Your lists are fabulous and and I so wish you and the Charmer a really great and sexy 2020
    May xx

  • Marie Rebelle

    You will get there, my friend. You will manage to build the life for yourself that you want, because you are a strong and determined woman. Yes, you have wounds to lick, but once they are healed, you will be stronger than you already are. Love you.

    Rebel xox

  • Askmefast

    Molly I envy your list in how clear it appears to what you want .

  • missy

    There is so much positivity in this post despite how shitty and hard your year has been. I wish you and The Charmer all the best wishes and hope that many opportunities for time together come your way. As for your Fuck list it sounds exciting to be looking forward to so many things you want to try. missy x

  • PurpleSole

    Excellent list, fuck 2019 and make 2020 yours.

  • eye

    Being clear about what you want is a great step forward. You have always struck me as someone who has this clarity and I hope that it becomes the engine that drives your new journey in 2020

  • Liz BlackX

    I am sorry 2019 has been so miserable for you, and I hope with all my heart that 2020 will be better and will bring you everything you need.

  • Chrisy Kay

    We seem to be a bit parallel in our lives right now and I am sorry about that. There is always change but the big changes that require a new normal are the hardest. I am inspired by you, your fuck list and your bucket list. So inspired I may actually write one for myself. Thank you for sharing and always being so open when I know that it isn’t easy. XOXO

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