Because We Are Human

by Molly Moore
Molly's Wedding bouquet

I didn’t want a bouquet, I really didn’t. It wasn’t important to me. I had done all that nonsense first time round and look where that had got me. Getting married, this time anyway, wasn’t about a wedding it was about us. First time round it had been about flowers, cake, dresses and seating plans but for what? Because that is what you are meant to do. It is a diet fed to us by the media, a diet of consumerism and money, that romance means flowers and ribbons, big dresses and fancy receptions but it’s bullshit. It creates expectations that can never be met, it takes away from everyday life to create a fantasy world of Disney princesses and sparkle and glitter. Yes, maybe I am cynical about the whole wedding thing but I see so many people creating this amazing day and in the process they often seem to forget about tomorrow.

This August we will have been married 2 years. Just typing that makes me smile. There was a time when I thought it would never happen, that bureaucracy would keep us apart for ever and we would spend our lives longing for one another, staring into skype and living the torturous existence of seeing but not touching. I was wrong, in the end sheer guts and determination won over bureaucracy and one shiny fiancée visa was issued. I know many people thought we were mad to get married, my Mother included, after all the most time we had ever spent together in one consecutive period was 3 weeks. For many people the 2 years of long distance relationship didn’t count and I understand that I really do but they were wrong. If anything those 2 years taught us something incredibly powerful; that no matter what, that no matter how hard life is, or how annoying the other person is, being together is always better than being apart and every single day we are together is a blessing.

I can’t image a life without him. He is the air that I breathe. I am as addicted to him and as in love with him now as I have ever been. He is funny, smart, crazy, passionate, messy, challenging, spontaneous, annoying, romantic and so much more. He drives me nuts AND he makes me so happy; a happy I didn’t know it was possible to be. Nothing is ever perfect, no marriage or relationship because we are human and we have feelings and opinions and emotions and baggage and crazy little habits that make you want to scream but sometimes I believe that you find someone who fits your own special brand of crazy and when you do, then you can happily go forth and be crazy together.

You don’t need flowers and dresses to do that but sometimes you have friends who refuse to listen and you get them anyway.

Molly's Wedding bouquet


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Innocent Loverboy May 22, 2013 - 2:43 pm

This is perhaps the sweetest post you’ve written – makes a change from you getting hit with stuff.

Can I just ask though, why is this a Wicked Wednesday post? It’s charming, but wicked…?

mollyskiss May 22, 2013 - 4:37 pm

Thank you for your interesting but slightly negative comment. “This is perhaps the sweetest post you’ve written – makes a change from you getting hit with stuff.” I would direct you to my current home page, there is not a single post about ‘getting hit with stuff. apart from one about face slapping in which I explain why I don’t like it. As for the sweetness, maybe try reading the posts that are categorised with ‘our love story’ but watch out there might be the odd mention of hitting now and again sorry, but I like it.

As for the BDSM impact play part of my blog I have gone to great lengths here to do my best to explain to my readers what we get out of that part of our relationship. I don’t expect everyone to understand, or to like it themselves. I firmly believe in the ‘your kink is not my kink but that is OK’ sentiment. I respect others for liking what they like. I find your comment to imply that somehow this aspect of our life is unsavoury, you are of course more than entitled to that opinion but I will not apologise for my kinks or be made to feel bad about them in any way. I have spent far to much of my life feeling bad about my desires and I won’t be made to do that any more. I read many many different blogs on the internet. I would never leave a comment on someone’s blog who writes predominantly about a ‘vanilla’ (not keen on the word but don’t have a better one at the moment) sex life but who mentions spanking saying… “ahh makes a nice change from all that vanilla stuff.” It would be rude, condescending and in my opinion a veiled attempt to make them feel bad about their choices in the bedroom. I hope I have never ever done that to anyone and if I have then I am deeply sorry and would be happy to tell them so.

As far as I know Rebel does not have a militant view on the ‘wicked’ part of Wicked Wednesday although I am sure if every single week you posted something non wicked she might do but as it is rare for me I suspect she will let me get away with it. Bit like you and your Sinful Sunday image that was a plate of yogurt… hardly Sinful but I didn’t feel the need to be bitchy and point that out to you at the time!


Innocent Loverboy May 22, 2013 - 9:33 pm


The aim of my original comment was to commend you on a sweet post and ask a genuine question. It wasn’t, however, my aim to (unintentionally) offend you or pass comment on your lifestyle. That’s not the sort of thing I’d do, really, is it?

I made a throwaway comment which wasn’t intended to be taken seriously. I’ve never actually been offended by your lifestyle, even though it’s so different from my own – you may remember a lot of conversations we’ve had IRL at various events during which there’s been no animosity on either side. I’m not disapproving or in any way disparaging of any lifestyle, least of all BD/SM (which, although I don’t indulge in, I at least understand).

My initial comment was meant to be a bit of tongue-in-cheek irony and wasn’t in any way meant to offend you. I’m sorry if it did, but that really wasn’t my intent. I think perhaps you over-reacted a bit, but then again, it’s not the first time that something I’ve said with humorous intent has been taken out of context. (It happens, on average, once a day. I’ve been keeping a tally.)

In any case… good explanation of the Wicked Wednesday thing, although I also like RG’s explanation below – there are lots of ways in which sentimentality in a sexual surrounding could be seen as… well, I wouldn’t call it transgressive as such, but unexpected, certainly – maybe it’s the difference that’s so wicked.

By the way, it wasn’t yoghurt – it was Eton mess. :p

Remittance Girl May 22, 2013 - 6:49 pm

Roland Barthes predicted that we would become so jaded about sexuality that the the reintroduction of the sentimentality of love into sexuality would be the ultimate transgression.

I Think that makes this post pretty damn wicked. I loved it.

Lord Raven May 22, 2013 - 2:43 pm

minus the visa you could have been talking about us. I am so glad you two have found one another and broken through all the would be setbacks.
And yes sometimes friends don’t listen well either. 🙂

Babefiend May 22, 2013 - 4:47 pm

I do love your posts Molly, I find myself reading them and nodding so fiercely in agreement – especially seeing so many people focussed on the day and not the tomorrow.

I never wanted the big pomp of a traditional wedding either, for me it was always about a celebration of our love and getting to then be married to him, a declaration of our devotion. But only being 22 and not neccesarily knowing what I wanted I somehow ended up with all the traditional elements – because I thought I’d always feel I’d missed out if I hadn’t.

Which is why next year we’re renewing our vows OUR style in Vegas!
Thank you for writing about marriage so positively, I find it to be a wonderful thing, I only wish it were more positively portrayed in all media. xx

mollyskiss May 22, 2013 - 5:15 pm

I know exactly what you mean. When I got married first time round I ended up falling into traditional trap and in the process making my parents very happy and to be honest me too in the moment but in hindsight it was all just fluff without substance. If VISA’s and timing would have allowed we would have got married in Vegas, probably wearing silly flowery shirts or something equally bonkers. Actually I take that back, I think I might have gone in just my undies or a bikini… just cause, you know?


Dumb Domme May 22, 2013 - 4:55 pm

Love, love, love!

Thanks for this, Molly. I needed a smile today, and you provided! 🙂

Yay for love!

Marie Rebelle May 22, 2013 - 5:05 pm

For many reasons, this has put a huge smile on my face. How wicked of you not to believe in traditional marriages, Molly. How could you! 😉

All joking aside, I love the love in this post and yes, I too believe that all of us find someone to fit our own kind of crazy. I sure know I did, even though I had to try it three times! You’re right, no marriage, no relationship is perfect, but damn, this one makes me so very happy and I know I am going to hold on to this for as long as we both shall live!

I’ve followed your story very closely and was so happy for you when you got married on 17 August 2011 (that’s correct, right?). It reminded me so much of how Master T and I found each other, how our relationship started by a simple line in an email, hundreds of emails to follow, chats and eventually meeting in real life. And the rest is history…. 🙂

Rebel xox

mollyskiss May 22, 2013 - 5:31 pm

Yes, I can’t believe you remember the date. Very well done! Thank you for the lovely comment!


Lorelei May 22, 2013 - 7:39 pm

It’s good to have a partner like that, and just as well to have friends like that as well!

Anna Sky May 22, 2013 - 7:54 pm

Oh damn, I was umming and ahhing over what to write and finally thought about what weddings and romance means to me…and you beat me to it, and so eloquently. I think I might bow out of this Wicked Wednesday, in awe of other people’s writing talent xxx

Silverdrop May 22, 2013 - 7:55 pm

Beautiful post. SH and I did the transatlantic LDR thing for a while too.

Penny May 22, 2013 - 9:28 pm

I love this Molly, you are so right!

Everyone always asks if Jake & I are married after being together for 4+ years, & when I say we aren’t, they look at me like I’m crazy. While we may get married someday, I just don’t feel like it’s some big fantasy I need to be happy. I already have him, and that’s all I need.

I absolutely love your line, “sometimes I believe that you find someone who fits your own special brand of crazy, and when you do, then you can happily go forth and be crazy together.” Beautifully put and so true.


TheSinDoll May 22, 2013 - 10:15 pm

After 5 months, The Husband and I were married. White t-shirts and jeans. We didn’t care. We spent so much time determined to be together, grasping at any little bit of time to be together. It took forever until he could move here, with me. It’s hard to want someone who is so far away.

Mia May 22, 2013 - 11:40 pm

This is such a touching post. Thank you for sharing.

~Mia~ xx

KaziG May 23, 2013 - 3:38 am

Yours is the best love story I have ever heard. You perhaps appreciate it more because of all that went on before, the life lessons learnt, the bitter with the sweet. I am so happy for you two, you inspire me 🙂

~Kazi xxx

V May 23, 2013 - 7:29 am

My favourite kinky kouple… I love you both!

Mina Lamieux May 23, 2013 - 12:31 pm

A lovely post. so happy that the two of you found each other and are able to be with each other.

Rori May 24, 2013 - 4:42 pm

I hate, hate, hate that long distance doesn’t “count” to some people. Cash is deployed right now (again) and we’re talking about marriage down the road. One of my friends made the comment that even though we’ve been dating for a year and a half, he was gone on two deployments for some of that so we’ve “really only been dating for about 5-6 months.” It just doesn’t make sense to me. If anything long-distance couples have to work harder at their relationships! Good for you for getting married even though people thought you were crazy! 😀


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