Not all memories are happy. After all not all the moments and experiences we have in life is good and happy, many are difficult, sad, scary even, but they shape us just as much, sometimes sadly even more so, than the good memories. Our memories are such a core part of us.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.” ―Dr. Seuss
I have thinking about the past quite a bit recently. I realised that I had been surviving on a memory. Which is all well an good but when there is no indication that there will ever be any more memories made you have to let things go. You have to look at those memories as wonderful and happy and precious but that they are also the past. You can’t live in them. If all you do is live in the past, you rob yourself of a future.
I won’t do that any more. It is a waste of the one short precious life I have been gifted.
I want to make memories, as many as possible. Rich and beautiful and wild and happy. Memories with friends, with family and with lovers. Ones that makes me smile when I ponder them and ones that have my reaching down between thighs to nurse the ache that lingers in my flesh when I think about them. Those in particular I want to gather more of.
The last couple of years has been a bit sparse on those types. There have obviously been some and the ones that have happened have been pretty fucking exceptional but 4 or 5 times a year is not enough for me. That is too much remembering and not enough doing. I am hoping that the later part of 2021 can involve a lot more doing but also I am trying to find more peace and calm in being with myself. I have always enjoyed my own company. I think it is an only child thing but there are things I crave and want, intimacy with other humans who I love and care about, pretty much sums it up. It is not an easy thing to find but I know who I am and what I want. In time I will find those moments and memories will come…. hopefully that won’t be all that comes either!