Moving on

I have sold my house and I am moving on

• I wrote this post last Wednesday, two days prior to moving on because I wanted to write about that house whilst I was still in it but decided not to post it then but wait until I was in my new house to share it.

Yes I know people do stuff like this all the time and that might not seem remarkable but for me it is a huge thing.

I have lived in this house for nearly 21 years. My son was 10 months old when we came here and my daughter was conceived within these walls. It was a home I shared with my 1st husband and the house where that marriage ended. It is the place where I raised my kids from tiny babies to adulthood. It is the only home they have known with me

It was the house that Michael moved into with me. The place we called home that has witnessed our happiest joyful days and our absolute dark days. It the place where we started and the place where we ended. And has now become the place where we have managed to transition from husband and wife, lovers etc to friends. I never thought that would be possible to be honest but here we are. Good friends, supporting one another through the ups and downs of life as best we can. It is not the same, far from it, but considering everything it is actually pretty good.

But back to this house

I have lived so much of my life here. 21 years is a long time but I have never really liked it. I don’t think I ever really loved it. When I came here I thought it would just be another house we lived in. Maybe 10 years or something like that. I never thought I would end up stuck here but that is what happened and for a long time I resented that.

I always vowed when then sprogs finished school I would move but it always seemed like a bit of a dream. Something that would never actually happen. But then at the beginning of this year I suddenly decided to take the plunge and put the damn thing on the market. That was back in February and after a lot of ups and downs this Friday I will close the door on this house for the final time.

I will leave behind my giant big garden and my Quince tree and the walls that witnessed my kids growing from babies to great big adults and the room I sat in when I started this blog over 11 years ago now and the place I have worked to build a little business for me to sustain myself. And whilst I will be emotional about leaving here, I am also so damn happy to finally, after all these years of feeling a little trapped here, be moving on to a new house. One that will not hold memories of those past relationships. A house that is all mine. That I picked all on my own and purchased all on my own.

I am writing this on the Wednesday before I move. I am surrounded by boxes. Everything is chaos. We have one more day to finish packing and then off we go. Sometimes the thought of leaving here is scary. All those memories. The only home my kids have ever known. In some ways it has been my safe space for many years but in some ways it has always been a place I slightly resented. It is hard to explain how those two things exist at once but they do. It will be very weird not to live here any more and I really can’t wait.

Thanks little house for all the good things you have been. For protecting and holding me and kids through all these years but it is time now for us to part ways and for you to offer a home to someone new. I hope they love you a bit more than I have. It is not your fault we never really bonded. You have been the best you could be and I will always love you a little bit.

Friday will be the end of this chapter of my life but that means it will also be the beginning of a new one.

And I am ready. I am moving on.