To rest

“One day a week I seek to rest
from earthly toil and sorrow.
Revitalized, I find the strength
to battle new tomorrows.”
~ Richelle E. Goodrich

I was maybe meant to be going on date tonight.

On Wednesday I messaged the man in question and cancelled. He took it well and wished me all the best. I then deactived my dating profiles on OK Cupid and on Feeld.

I have been debating doing it for a while now but it I think there was part of me that felt if I did I was giving up on the idea of anyone shagging me anytime soon but I have since realised the idea that the dating apps were a potential or a promise of sex was mostly an illusion. In 9 months and maybe 15+ dates I have meet 3 people I was attracted to enough to want to arrange a 2nd date and only one of those turned into sex. Add into that the current situation with Covid and it was just a huge source of anxiety and worry rather than fun and adventure.

The funny thing is since Wednesday I have felt so much better. I knew that I mostly found dating stressful and the apps were a source of frustration and disillusionment but it wasn’t until I deactived them that I realised how much of a negative impact they were having on me. I went from tearful and anxious to a feeling of calm within about an hour or so of turning them off. I thought it might be just a reaction to the initial relief of making a decision but two days later and I still feel the same. Actually that is not true, I feel even happier about my decision.

I tweeted these words earlier in the week

I have disabled my dating profiles on OKC and Feeld. Nothing about it was making me happy. In fact the complete opposite. I am not sure what is next but for now it does not including dating and dating apps.

I am not saying I won’t ever go back. Maybe the spring will come and I the Covid fears will diminish and I will give it another go but for now I want to focus on the things I do have in my life that make me happy.

When I saw that Floss’s prompt for her new meme this week was ‘revitalised’ I realised this post would fit perfectly. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say binning the dating apps has revitalised me but I definitely feel a sense of relief, like a weight has been lifted. I feel like I can concentrate on other things for the first time in ages. I am very happy with my decision. It was definitely the right one for me as of now. So whilst I might not be fully revitalised by taking a rest from dating and dating apps I feel like is was the first (big) step in that direction.