Finally another post for the 30 Days of Kink this one is…. Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
I could write so much for this question to be honest. When I first realised I was submissive I could never have envisioned the ways this would alter and ultimately improve my life. My early discoveries of my submissive nature were mainly focused on my sexual desires. It was only with meeting and having my relationship with Sir that I have realised that my submission and our D/s relationship is far more complicated and far-reaching than just what happens in the bedroom.
Kink has reached into so many areas of my life and, apart from the friction it has caused with my parents, it has all been positive. I have a huge circle of amazing friends all of whom I have got to know through the greater kink community. Without exploring kink and getting involved in that community I would never have met most of these people. There is no doubt my life has been hugely enriched by that. Kink has also lead me to explore my personal physical boundaries within a loving relationship that I don’t believe I would ever have done in such an open, honest and frank way within a vanilla relationship, regardless of the BDSM aspect.
Exploring my submissive side and in that process exploring and learning his dominant side has led us to develop a deep and strong bond that is based on love, trust, honesty and communication but it is the last one in that list that I think has been most positively affected by kink. It has allowed me to open up and talk about things that previously I had kept hidden and also taught me the true value of communication.
With the publication of 50 Shades I have had an increasing number of people, mainly woman, ask me what it is I get out of being submissive and the full answer to that is without doubt a whole other blog post but the short answer is that being in a D/s relationship has provided me with freedom; Freedom to be completely me. It’s provided me with a loving, solid and secure base from which to grow, develop and challenge myself from. Not just physically either, but mentally and emotionally. Without a doubt I am far more confident and calmer person because of my kink based relationship
I can also roller skate. I know this is not what you were expecting to read next right? You were thinking I was going to continue on about how kink has improved my life with regards to my relationships and my exploration of myself not suddenly lurch off into roller skating. Well bear with me on this one.
I was terrified of roller skating and when I say terrified I mean, breath grabbing, heart racing, sweat pouring version of terrified. I don’t really know where it came from but it has always been there and so I dealt with it in the best way I knew how. I avoided it at all costs. I never ever went roller skating and vowed that I never would. Why scare myself, it’s not like it is a life skill one really must have to succeed is it? In the past people had tried to get me to go, promising me they would help me, teach me etc but I never trusted them and never went.
When Sir first suggested it as an activity I point-blank refused. After some insistence on his part I finally explained my fear and my well-tried and testedl method for dealing with it. He told me he intended to change that and then promptly left it be, never mentioning it again until one day he told me he had booked for us to go to the local roller skate park. I silently consented to go but already I could feel the fear starting to well up inside me. When we got there I just about managed to get my skates on and even though I could feel the fear bubbling up, deep down inside I felt like his confidence in me and the whole activity was starting to rub off. I felt in control but then she fell over. The woman right in front of me who had just put her skates on, stood up and promptly fell over and when I say fell over I mean legs out from underneath her and wham flat on her back. Well that was me done for. The panic hit, I could feel my chest tighten, and my heart beat explode and with shaking hand I fought to get the damn skates of my feet.
To cut a long story short with much gentle persuasion and through a haze of panic filled tears on my part (yes I am sure I made a total divvy of myself) he managed to convince me to put the skates back on and then he promised me that if I took his hand and went with him he would keep me safe. I remember to this day sitting on that plastic chair and looking up into his eyes as he said it and just like all the other times when he has tied me up and asked me to trust him I knew he meant it and I knew I could.
Of course it is not like I took to the rink and happily glided around that first time. I didn’t, far from it but by the end of the session the shaking had stopped, my heart was beating at a less alarming rate and I had done it. I can’t explain to you that feeling. I don’t think there is any other feeling quite like the one you get when you face a real fear and stare it down.
Since that day we have returned to the skate park again and again and despite the fact that I am still nervous and by no means a confident skater I can now quite happily glide around that place without holding his hand. I don’t need to hold it any more, you see he held me when I needed him too and then he let me go when he knew I was ready. I even own my own pair of roller skates. Now how’s that for an unexpected way in which my kink relationship has changed my life?
Just in case you are wondering I obviously do not dress like this to go to the family sessions at the roller skating park. We have yet to find a kink/fet event at the same venue to go to!
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