This moment

by Molly Moore
image capturing a moment of molly laying in her bed looking down past her hip to her legs

“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.”
~ Leonard Nimoy

I truly never expected that we would get to this moment. Once upon a time I believed we were forever, that we would grow old disgracefully with one another but if there is one thing I have learned in this life it is never say never and so here we are at the end of our road together.

It has been a long time coming to be honest. Things have been slowly slipping away for probably over a year now but as is so often the case we just swept it all aside and powered on through. We never really addressed any of the issues or even really talked about them. We told each we loved the other and I think (I don’t want to speak for Michael but I believe this is true) we thought that was enough but the truth is love and maybe more than love but the foundation on which it is really built, trust, is actually a fragile thing.

Lots of people liken trust to a wall or a building, saying it is the foundations that everything is built on and that is absolutely the truth but unlike foundations, that once made well and strong are tough to shake, I think trust is more like a spiders web. When spun right, it is immensely strong, strong enough to hold you up but it also requires regular attention to keep it that way otherwise just breaking a few of the precious threads can cause the whole thing to unravel and suddenly what you had is just a limp cobweb hanging in the corner of the room, a shadow of it’s once powerful and beautiful self.

Earlier this year our D/s relationship came crashing to an abrupt end when I discovered that Michael had been misleading me about a variety of things. It absolutely rocked my world. Everything that I had thought was a thing suddenly had vanished overnight. I had been his sub since April 2010. It had been a huge part of my identity and also my sexual exploration and discovery of my kinks over the last 9 years. To be honest if it had happened 6 months earlier I think I would have been a complete wreck but despite being absolutely livid and also sad I actually found myself doing OK. It appears I am much stronger then I thought I was.

That was back in March and since then lots has happened in that Michael also got very sick and prior to all that I decided that I wanted to explore with other people. It has been a tough time and I have gone through a 1000 different emotions as I worked my way through all this stuff. At times I thought we could rebuild our D/s but he wasn’t ready and when he was ready I wasn’t sure any more. The honest truth is my discoveries back in March essentially opened a Pandora’s Box of issues for me that shone a light on things that I had chosen to ignore, that we had both chosen to ignore really. I have tried to let go and forgive and whilst the anger has subsided (it still bubbles up though) too much damage has been done to the trust between us for me to be able to carry on in this relationship.

Going away to Miami was a real turning point for me. I spend quite a bit of that week on my own just thinking and working through what had happened and more importantly how I felt about it all. It was a tough emotional journey but one that I needed to take and from which I have finally been able to see a path ahead and make some peace with what has happened.

At the moment Michael and I are actually in a better place than we have been in a very long time. We are learning how to be friends and whilst it is complicated and we both have days where we are sad (I seem to be the one with the anger) we are actually muddling through. We have a road to walk together yet as we sort out all the things that need to happen. Michael has been a good and loving step parent to my children and clearly our business and work lives are entwined too. I am hopeful that in many ways both those things will continue to be the case albeit not quite like it is now. He has been heard to say “I will always be your tech guy” and to be honest I truly hope that turns out to be true case because he is the best damn tech guy I know.

But our lives as Molly and Michael, Dom and sub, husband and wife etc is over. Not words I ever thought I would write and coming to that decision has been so fucking terribly hard but also in some weird way I also feel relived that finally I have accepted the truth of things. I feel oddly at peace with my decision. However I do know that this is desperately painful for Michael and not the outcome he was hoping for but having said that I think we have both reached a new place of calm and acceptance in the last few weeks and I really hope that means that rather than continuing to tear each other apart and continually wound each other we can now go forward as very special friends to one another and be happy that we had each moment that was good and not turn all those memories sour.

So here I find myself, truly at a new chapter in my life. I am excited for the future, even though I know bits of it are going to be really hard, I also know I am ready for this. I have some truly amazing friends who have supported me through this time and continue to be absolute rocks in my world (you all know who you are) My world has completely changed this year and 2019 has by and large been pretty fucking horrendous but for the first time in a while I actually feel like I can breath again and maybe, just maybe these remaining few months can redeem what is left of 2019 and set both of us on a new track to happiness.

Wicked Wednesday badgeFood 4 thought badge

You may also like

68 comments

Violet October 16, 2019 - 6:26 pm

That’s huge news, Molly. I wish you peace and growth and happiness with whatever comes next xo

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 7:22 pm

Thank you

Reply
Zoe October 16, 2019 - 6:30 pm

Oh, Molly, how difficult this must be for both of you. I’m so sorry it’s come to this but glad you’re doing as well as you are. Sending love and hugs xx

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 7:24 pm

Thanks, it’s been a tough time for sure

mollyx

Reply
Zebra Rose October 26, 2019 - 1:49 pm

I’m so sorry that things have gone awry for you guys. Sending you huge love and supportive hugs.

Reply
May More October 16, 2019 - 6:30 pm

This post gave me goosebumps – sometimes it is easier to describe a reaction rather than try and say how u feel.

Wish you both well – u are a strong woman and I am confident u will be just great – I believe we all can live many lives in one life-time and u both have another life ahead of you x

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 7:28 pm

Thank you May for this, especially this bit “I believe we all can live many lives in one life-time” I believe that is true too but society does give strong messages that you are supposed to find and stay with the one. Sometimes accepting that is not the case is HARD

Reply
May More October 16, 2019 - 9:06 pm

Yes – that is somthing I have struggled with too <3

Reply
Marie Rebelle October 16, 2019 - 6:35 pm

I am always here for you, my friend, always.

Rebel xox

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 7:20 pm

Thank you. I love you

Mollyx

Reply
silverdom October 16, 2019 - 6:46 pm

Big hugs from us, Molly.

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 7:29 pm

Thank you

Reply
Sweetgirl October 16, 2019 - 6:49 pm

I wish you every happiness Molly, breaking up is never easy, and I do hope you can forge a friendship that remains. ?❤

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 7:29 pm

Thank you. I am hopeful that we can. We both really want that and I think that is half the battle won

Reply
Sweetgirl October 17, 2019 - 7:59 am

It really is x

Reply
PurpleSole October 16, 2019 - 7:09 pm

I really hope you look back on this in the future and see that however painful it is, it was the right decision for you. I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like but I know you will both find a way. Much love to you both.

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 7:30 pm

Thank you, I am confident that all will be well in the end

Reply
Bee October 16, 2019 - 7:44 pm

Always here my lovely friend xx

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 9:45 pm

You have been amazing

Reply
Starcross October 16, 2019 - 8:01 pm

How incredibly tough this must have been Molly. I echo May’s belief that we can lead many lives in one, but also that we can bring special people into each of those lives, albeit with different roles. Big hugs and strength from me x

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 9:41 pm

Thank you. I hope to find some special people as I journey on.

Reply
Starcross October 16, 2019 - 9:59 pm

You will, I’ve no doubt about that

Reply
Charlie October 16, 2019 - 8:09 pm

I … wow. I hope you’re both okay and I wish all the very best for both of you x

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 9:58 pm

Thank you. We are muddling through

Reply
Kayla Lords October 16, 2019 - 8:21 pm

I love you, darling woman. And I think your analogy about trust being like a spider web is absolutely perfect. It can be the strongest thing on earth, but only when taken care of.

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 9:40 pm

I love you too.

Reply
E. L. Byrne October 16, 2019 - 9:25 pm

Hugs and peace and confident firm steps into your new future. Never easy but new lives can become amazing full filling adventures.

Love E. L.

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 9:40 pm

Yes they can and I really hope to make that the case for me. I am ready for adventures

Reply
Tabitha Rayne October 16, 2019 - 10:00 pm

Oh my, Molly, your honesty through this blog and your explorations here are incredibly moving.
Even through your heartache your way with words is fucking incredible. “I think trust is more like a spiders web. When spun right, it is immensely strong, strong enough to hold you up but it also requires regular attention to keep it that way otherwise just breaking a few of the precious threads can cause the whole thing to unravel and suddenly what you had is just a limp cobweb hanging in the corner of the room, a shadow of it’s once powerful and beautiful self.” breathtaking.
So much love you amazing woman x x good luck to you both x

Reply
Molly Moore October 16, 2019 - 10:07 pm

Thank you Tabitha. I have been thinking a lot about the subject of trust lately and what people say about it and from that I came to that conclusion.

Reply
Modesty Ablaze October 16, 2019 - 10:14 pm

My thoughts are with you . . . lots and lots of love . . . from both of us!

Xxx – K

Reply
missy October 16, 2019 - 10:15 pm

I really admire your honesty Molly. A decision like this is always so difficult but I know you would not take it lightly. What you say about trust being like a web is so true. It seems strong and it can be but it can also be very fragile. Sending my love and hugs for your adventures to come.

Reply
Dawn D October 16, 2019 - 11:01 pm

First off, even if I haven’t followed you closely, I want you to know that good thoughts are coming your way.
As I told Cara, there is a big shift (astrologically) happening early 2020, with a new life path opening to most of us. This is why 2019 was such a hard year, full of struggles and changes.
I hope whatever path opens for you in the new year brings you joy and happiness.
XO

Reply
Hyacinth October 16, 2019 - 11:09 pm

I love you so very very much (and Michael, too) and my heart breaks for you both. Having said that, though, seasons change for a reason. It’s time for the next great things in your lives, only this time it won’t be together like this. It’ll be a different kind of together. xx Hy

PS: Michael’s the best tech guy I know, too.

Reply
Mx Nillin October 16, 2019 - 11:10 pm

Thinking of you lots, Molly! If you need absolutely ANY help with anything over the next while, be it helping with memes or chatting for distractions, whatever, please don’t hesitate to toss me a message!

Reply
Dokurtybitz October 16, 2019 - 11:19 pm

? while this is never an easy path to travel,i hope that each day from here on in brings you better things *hugs* be well lady

Reply
Julie October 16, 2019 - 11:28 pm

Thinking of you both and sending you love. Always here too. Plus what Tabitha said about trust- wise words indeed xx

Reply
DeviantSuccubus October 17, 2019 - 12:22 am

Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Molly. This must have been incredibly hard to write. Once trust is broken is can be almost impossible to get it back, unfortunately. I can see a strength in this, and a willingness to move forward. I wish you all the best on your journey, Molly, and I am excited to read about all the new discoveries you might meet on the way!

Reply
Mrs Fever October 17, 2019 - 12:24 am

Just… Sending you, through the ether, all the strength and support and good wishes I can muster.

Very best wishes for your new beginnings.

xoxo

Reply
Cindi Rose Bliss October 17, 2019 - 4:58 am

I’ve followed you both for a long time now, and in many ways my heart breaks for both of you. But you have a good attitude and your future is what you make of it. I wish you the best.

Reply
Floss October 17, 2019 - 6:14 am

Oodles and oodles of hugs and warm thoughts being sent your way, it is always sad when a chapter of our life ends, but there is always more to be found and enjoyed and I believe you will both embark on new and exciting journeys. You will be amazing Molly and I am certain that many adventures are waiting just around the corner for you x

Reply
Mosscat October 17, 2019 - 9:09 am

What more can I add? Take time to grieve, take time to breathe and find the new joy. You are obviously so dear to so many people – take strength from their love.Kia kaha

Reply
Ferns October 17, 2019 - 10:55 am

I’m so heartbroken for you both. I wish you all the best in navigating this, and also for what’s to come.

Ferns

Reply
Annie Savoy October 17, 2019 - 1:49 pm

Oh Molly, my heart is with you on this journey. i’m so sad because endings are tough but also it’s such a relief to come to a decision. Living in the middle of confusion and pain is so exhausting. I’m excited for your new chapter. And I truly hope you and Michael rebuild a relationship that keeps you in each other’s lives. I’m here if you need for any reason whatsoever. Xox

Reply
Brigit Delaney October 17, 2019 - 2:21 pm

Wishing you both the best. Sometimes cutting ties is best for everyone, even if it’s scary and sad.

Reply
Posy Churchgate October 17, 2019 - 11:21 pm

Oh Molly, so sad to hear of all the heartache and soul searching. Trust – yep you need it and it has to be nurtured. Hugely impressed with how honest you’ve been in your blog and I wish you and Michael well as you strike out in your own, new directions. I (like you) hope you can nurture a friendship/business partnership from this to take forward.

Reply
Ann St. Vincent October 18, 2019 - 4:33 pm

My thoughts are with you both as you navigate to new waters. xoxo

Ann

Reply
J. Lynn October 18, 2019 - 4:59 pm

My heart broke for you. Changes whether positive or negative are hard and from what little I know I see a beautifully strong woman. I keep going back to the saying “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime..” I held onto this quote when I discovered that I was poly, I hope sharing it helps even just a little. ❤️

Reply
kisungura October 18, 2019 - 9:34 pm

I’m sorry I’m playing catch up Molly but your post really touched me and I wanted to thank you for sharing it. I’m heartened to read that things between you and Michael are more settled than they have been, and that you have reached a place where you feel excitement, despite the trepidation that is there too. I know I’ll continue to look up to both of you, and hope you continue to look towards each other for friendship, appreciation and ongoing support as you both find your own new paths, much love xx

Reply
Jupiter Grant October 18, 2019 - 11:19 pm

I can’t imagine what a difficult time it has been, and how tough this period of transition is for you. Sending you positive wishes and strength. It sounds like Miami was a really important time and space for you, and I’m glad that you were able to take that time. ?

Reply
Zara October 20, 2019 - 9:25 pm

Molly I’m so sorry to hear this news. It must be a really hard time for you. I hope you can stay strong an find your way through to that happiness you deserve.

Reply
Whats the buzz #22 • A to sub-Bee October 24, 2019 - 6:09 pm

[…] This moment by Molly Moore […]

Reply
October 2019 ~ Blogging Summary & #SoSS - Sex Matters by May More October 31, 2019 - 5:22 pm

[…] This Moment from Molly. I really related to this post having found myself at a similar point in my own life before. […]

Reply
Gretchen November 13, 2019 - 10:59 am

It appears that Florida really is the Sunshine State. Allowing you to get out from beneath the storm that sat above your home some days, clouding your thoughts about where to go from here.

Love the web analogy and hope you use it in future writings as you build new relationships and/or the maintenance/repair on existing ones.

The good thoughts already expressed on twitter. -G

Reply
Isabelle Lauren November 13, 2019 - 6:56 pm

I feel like I’ve been buried in my own life for the last months so I totally missed this post. I’m so sorry to hear about the struggles you have been through. It saddens me to read that your 2019 has been horrendous and I hope that you can look with hope and calm to the future. Lots of love xx

Reply
Elust 124 - elust November 17, 2019 - 11:50 pm

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Elust 124 - Sweetgirl's Journal - the best sex bloggers November 18, 2019 - 8:08 am

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Elust #124 – The History of BDSM November 18, 2019 - 6:19 pm

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Elust #124 ~ Temperature's Rising November 19, 2019 - 2:14 pm

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Elust 124 ~ Erotically Informative - Sex Matters by May More November 19, 2019 - 6:57 pm

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
e[lust] #124 – Domme Chronicles November 22, 2019 - 5:53 am

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Elust #124 - Rebel's Notes November 29, 2019 - 4:58 am

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Elust 124 - Optical Love Story January 13, 2020 - 2:09 am

[…] This MomentAlways in Character […]

Reply
Elust #124 - Asrai Devin May 19, 2020 - 11:18 pm

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Prompt #386: Relationship - Wicked Wednesday August 28, 2020 - 4:59 pm

[…] This moment by Molly’s Daily Kiss and Third Eye Blind by Cara Thereon I sent a slightly cheeky pretending-to-be-joking-but-actually-serious DM to Marie asking if I could combine Molly and Cara’s posts into one of my top three. Marie agreed that it was impossible not to mention one without the other. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for everyone involved at the moment; however right the decision is there is a huge unmeshing of lives to be done and it’s all in the spotlight of being high profile in our community. Molly’s writing on this has been powerful and honest throughout the last few weeks and I admire her this. But like many who have commented on her post, I have been wondering how things are for Cara and wondering if it is right to ask. I’m glad she has written about this too. I hope the coming weeks and months are as kind as possible to all three. […]

Reply
Elust 124 - Oz Bigdownunder Monthly Featured Sex Blogs October 21, 2020 - 9:47 pm

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Collective blogger positivity: eLust #124 - On Queer Street October 25, 2020 - 8:11 pm

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply
Need some amazing reading? Check these out! - Steeled Snake August 19, 2021 - 4:40 pm

[…] This Moment Always in Character […]

Reply

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: