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This moment

image capturing a moment of molly laying in her bed looking down past her hip to her legs

“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.”
~ Leonard Nimoy

I truly never expected that we would get to this moment. Once upon a time I believed we were forever, that we would grow old disgracefully with one another but if there is one thing I have learned in this life it is never say never and so here we are at the end of our road together.

It has been a long time coming to be honest. Things have been slowly slipping away for probably over a year now but as is so often the case we just swept it all aside and powered on through. We never really addressed any of the issues or even really talked about them. We told each we loved the other and I think (I don’t want to speak for Michael but I believe this is true) we thought that was enough but the truth is love and maybe more than love but the foundation on which it is really built, trust, is actually a fragile thing.

Lots of people liken trust to a wall or a building, saying it is the foundations that everything is built on and that is absolutely the truth but unlike foundations, that once made well and strong are tough to shake, I think trust is more like a spiders web. When spun right, it is immensely strong, strong enough to hold you up but it also requires regular attention to keep it that way otherwise just breaking a few of the precious threads can cause the whole thing to unravel and suddenly what you had is just a limp cobweb hanging in the corner of the room, a shadow of it’s once powerful and beautiful self.

Earlier this year our D/s relationship came crashing to an abrupt end when I discovered that Michael had been misleading me about a variety of things. It absolutely rocked my world. Everything that I had thought was a thing suddenly had vanished overnight. I had been his sub since April 2010. It had been a huge part of my identity and also my sexual exploration and discovery of my kinks over the last 9 years. To be honest if it had happened 6 months earlier I think I would have been a complete wreck but despite being absolutely livid and also sad I actually found myself doing OK. It appears I am much stronger then I thought I was.

That was back in March and since then lots has happened in that Michael also got very sick and prior to all that I decided that I wanted to explore with other people. It has been a tough time and I have gone through a 1000 different emotions as I worked my way through all this stuff. At times I thought we could rebuild our D/s but he wasn’t ready and when he was ready I wasn’t sure any more. The honest truth is my discoveries back in March essentially opened a Pandora’s Box of issues for me that shone a light on things that I had chosen to ignore, that we had both chosen to ignore really. I have tried to let go and forgive and whilst the anger has subsided (it still bubbles up though) too much damage has been done to the trust between us for me to be able to carry on in this relationship.

Going away to Miami was a real turning point for me. I spend quite a bit of that week on my own just thinking and working through what had happened and more importantly how I felt about it all. It was a tough emotional journey but one that I needed to take and from which I have finally been able to see a path ahead and make some peace with what has happened.

At the moment Michael and I are actually in a better place than we have been in a very long time. We are learning how to be friends and whilst it is complicated and we both have days where we are sad (I seem to be the one with the anger) we are actually muddling through. We have a road to walk together yet as we sort out all the things that need to happen. Michael has been a good and loving step parent to my children and clearly our business and work lives are entwined too. I am hopeful that in many ways both those things will continue to be the case albeit not quite like it is now. He has been heard to say “I will always be your tech guy” and to be honest I truly hope that turns out to be true case because he is the best damn tech guy I know.

But our lives as Molly and Michael, Dom and sub, husband and wife etc is over. Not words I ever thought I would write and coming to that decision has been so fucking terribly hard but also in some weird way I also feel relived that finally I have accepted the truth of things. I feel oddly at peace with my decision. However I do know that this is desperately painful for Michael and not the outcome he was hoping for but having said that I think we have both reached a new place of calm and acceptance in the last few weeks and I really hope that means that rather than continuing to tear each other apart and continually wound each other we can now go forward as very special friends to one another and be happy that we had each moment that was good and not turn all those memories sour.

So here I find myself, truly at a new chapter in my life. I am excited for the future, even though I know bits of it are going to be really hard, I also know I am ready for this. I have some truly amazing friends who have supported me through this time and continue to be absolute rocks in my world (you all know who you are) My world has completely changed this year and 2019 has by and large been pretty fucking horrendous but for the first time in a while I actually feel like I can breath again and maybe, just maybe these remaining few months can redeem what is left of 2019 and set both of us on a new track to happiness.

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  • Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

  • Show Comments (66)

  • Violet

    That’s huge news, Molly. I wish you peace and growth and happiness with whatever comes next xo

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you

  • Zoe

    Oh, Molly, how difficult this must be for both of you. I’m so sorry it’s come to this but glad you’re doing as well as you are. Sending love and hugs xx

    • Molly Moore

      Thanks, it’s been a tough time for sure

      mollyx

    • Zebra Rose

      I’m so sorry that things have gone awry for you guys. Sending you huge love and supportive hugs.

  • May More

    This post gave me goosebumps – sometimes it is easier to describe a reaction rather than try and say how u feel.

    Wish you both well – u are a strong woman and I am confident u will be just great – I believe we all can live many lives in one life-time and u both have another life ahead of you x

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you May for this, especially this bit “I believe we all can live many lives in one life-time” I believe that is true too but society does give strong messages that you are supposed to find and stay with the one. Sometimes accepting that is not the case is HARD

      • May More

        Yes – that is somthing I have struggled with too <3

  • Marie Rebelle

    I am always here for you, my friend, always.

    Rebel xox

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you. I love you

      Mollyx

  • silverdom

    Big hugs from us, Molly.

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you

  • Sweetgirl

    I wish you every happiness Molly, breaking up is never easy, and I do hope you can forge a friendship that remains. 😊❤

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you. I am hopeful that we can. We both really want that and I think that is half the battle won

      • Sweetgirl

        It really is x

  • PurpleSole

    I really hope you look back on this in the future and see that however painful it is, it was the right decision for you. I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like but I know you will both find a way. Much love to you both.

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you, I am confident that all will be well in the end

  • Bee

    Always here my lovely friend xx

    • Molly Moore

      You have been amazing

  • Starcross

    How incredibly tough this must have been Molly. I echo May’s belief that we can lead many lives in one, but also that we can bring special people into each of those lives, albeit with different roles. Big hugs and strength from me x

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you. I hope to find some special people as I journey on.

      • Starcross

        You will, I’ve no doubt about that

  • Charlie

    I … wow. I hope you’re both okay and I wish all the very best for both of you x

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you. We are muddling through

  • Kayla Lords

    I love you, darling woman. And I think your analogy about trust being like a spider web is absolutely perfect. It can be the strongest thing on earth, but only when taken care of.

    • Molly Moore

      I love you too.

  • E. L. Byrne

    Hugs and peace and confident firm steps into your new future. Never easy but new lives can become amazing full filling adventures.

    Love E. L.

    • Molly Moore

      Yes they can and I really hope to make that the case for me. I am ready for adventures

  • Tabitha Rayne

    Oh my, Molly, your honesty through this blog and your explorations here are incredibly moving.
    Even through your heartache your way with words is fucking incredible. “I think trust is more like a spiders web. When spun right, it is immensely strong, strong enough to hold you up but it also requires regular attention to keep it that way otherwise just breaking a few of the precious threads can cause the whole thing to unravel and suddenly what you had is just a limp cobweb hanging in the corner of the room, a shadow of it’s once powerful and beautiful self.” breathtaking.
    So much love you amazing woman x x good luck to you both x

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you Tabitha. I have been thinking a lot about the subject of trust lately and what people say about it and from that I came to that conclusion.

  • Modesty Ablaze

    My thoughts are with you . . . lots and lots of love . . . from both of us!

    Xxx – K

  • missy

    I really admire your honesty Molly. A decision like this is always so difficult but I know you would not take it lightly. What you say about trust being like a web is so true. It seems strong and it can be but it can also be very fragile. Sending my love and hugs for your adventures to come.

  • Dawn D

    First off, even if I haven’t followed you closely, I want you to know that good thoughts are coming your way.
    As I told Cara, there is a big shift (astrologically) happening early 2020, with a new life path opening to most of us. This is why 2019 was such a hard year, full of struggles and changes.
    I hope whatever path opens for you in the new year brings you joy and happiness.
    XO

  • Hyacinth

    I love you so very very much (and Michael, too) and my heart breaks for you both. Having said that, though, seasons change for a reason. It’s time for the next great things in your lives, only this time it won’t be together like this. It’ll be a different kind of together. xx Hy

    PS: Michael’s the best tech guy I know, too.

  • Mx Nillin

    Thinking of you lots, Molly! If you need absolutely ANY help with anything over the next while, be it helping with memes or chatting for distractions, whatever, please don’t hesitate to toss me a message!

  • Dokurtybitz

    😕 while this is never an easy path to travel,i hope that each day from here on in brings you better things *hugs* be well lady

  • Julie

    Thinking of you both and sending you love. Always here too. Plus what Tabitha said about trust- wise words indeed xx

  • DeviantSuccubus

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Molly. This must have been incredibly hard to write. Once trust is broken is can be almost impossible to get it back, unfortunately. I can see a strength in this, and a willingness to move forward. I wish you all the best on your journey, Molly, and I am excited to read about all the new discoveries you might meet on the way!

  • Mrs Fever

    Just… Sending you, through the ether, all the strength and support and good wishes I can muster.

    Very best wishes for your new beginnings.

    xoxo

  • Cindi Rose Bliss

    I’ve followed you both for a long time now, and in many ways my heart breaks for both of you. But you have a good attitude and your future is what you make of it. I wish you the best.

  • Floss

    Oodles and oodles of hugs and warm thoughts being sent your way, it is always sad when a chapter of our life ends, but there is always more to be found and enjoyed and I believe you will both embark on new and exciting journeys. You will be amazing Molly and I am certain that many adventures are waiting just around the corner for you x

  • Mosscat

    What more can I add? Take time to grieve, take time to breathe and find the new joy. You are obviously so dear to so many people – take strength from their love.Kia kaha

  • Ferns

    I’m so heartbroken for you both. I wish you all the best in navigating this, and also for what’s to come.

    Ferns

  • Annie Savoy

    Oh Molly, my heart is with you on this journey. i’m so sad because endings are tough but also it’s such a relief to come to a decision. Living in the middle of confusion and pain is so exhausting. I’m excited for your new chapter. And I truly hope you and Michael rebuild a relationship that keeps you in each other’s lives. I’m here if you need for any reason whatsoever. Xox

  • Brigit Delaney

    Wishing you both the best. Sometimes cutting ties is best for everyone, even if it’s scary and sad.

  • Posy Churchgate

    Oh Molly, so sad to hear of all the heartache and soul searching. Trust – yep you need it and it has to be nurtured. Hugely impressed with how honest you’ve been in your blog and I wish you and Michael well as you strike out in your own, new directions. I (like you) hope you can nurture a friendship/business partnership from this to take forward.

  • Ann St. Vincent

    My thoughts are with you both as you navigate to new waters. xoxo

    Ann

  • J. Lynn

    My heart broke for you. Changes whether positive or negative are hard and from what little I know I see a beautifully strong woman. I keep going back to the saying “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime..” I held onto this quote when I discovered that I was poly, I hope sharing it helps even just a little. ❤️

  • kisungura

    I’m sorry I’m playing catch up Molly but your post really touched me and I wanted to thank you for sharing it. I’m heartened to read that things between you and Michael are more settled than they have been, and that you have reached a place where you feel excitement, despite the trepidation that is there too. I know I’ll continue to look up to both of you, and hope you continue to look towards each other for friendship, appreciation and ongoing support as you both find your own new paths, much love xx

  • Jupiter Grant

    I can’t imagine what a difficult time it has been, and how tough this period of transition is for you. Sending you positive wishes and strength. It sounds like Miami was a really important time and space for you, and I’m glad that you were able to take that time. 💐

  • Zara

    Molly I’m so sorry to hear this news. It must be a really hard time for you. I hope you can stay strong an find your way through to that happiness you deserve.

  • Gretchen

    It appears that Florida really is the Sunshine State. Allowing you to get out from beneath the storm that sat above your home some days, clouding your thoughts about where to go from here.

    Love the web analogy and hope you use it in future writings as you build new relationships and/or the maintenance/repair on existing ones.

    The good thoughts already expressed on twitter. -G

  • Isabelle Lauren

    I feel like I’ve been buried in my own life for the last months so I totally missed this post. I’m so sorry to hear about the struggles you have been through. It saddens me to read that your 2019 has been horrendous and I hope that you can look with hope and calm to the future. Lots of love xx

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