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A True Friend

Molly and Cara with their bums pressed up against each other for post about true friend

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
~ Bernard Meltzer

I was bullied at school. I was shy and quiet and basically a bit lost. I had no idea where I fitted or who I fitted with. No one seemed to be my type of person. All my bullies were women, well girls, they made life a misery and I loathed every moment of school. The day I left was one of the happiest ever.

After school I tried anew to find and make friends. There were some mild successes along the way but I now know that my experiences at school at made me very distrusting of people but particularly women. They were bitchy and mean and unpredictable and if you told them your thoughts and secrets the chances are everyone would end up knowing them. The best way seemed to be to not confide in people.

Of course looking back now I realise that I was right about not fitting in and although there were some friendships along the way it wasn’t until I found my kink and started blogging that I really made connections with people but even then those school years have definitely left a mark on me because, despite the fact I write very openly here, I can in many ways still be very guarded with people but when you find your people, well that changes everything.

I am sure many people would be bemused by my friendship with Cara Thereon, after all she is basically my husbands girlfriend but over the last 2 or so years me and her have developed a really close friendship. I really couldn’t have asked for a better women to share with. She is kind and thoughtful and funny and intelligent and caring and wise. She fits into our lives so perfectly, seamlessly in fact and I miss her when she is busy at work or away and we don’t get to see her on Skype. As much as she is Michael’s girlfriend she is also my friend and one that I value so very much. I mean how many people do you get to naked naked photos with? OK well maybe us in the sex blogging community the answer is quite a few but that is one of the joyous things about the friendships I have made through blogging.

We are very different people in many ways but in so many ways we are also similar. Like me she tends towards the introvert and like me she has very few really close friends. We both like and need time and space to ourselves. One of the things I learned very early on in our poly dynamic was to not to compare myself to her. That way only leads to your mind telling you that someone is more/better/different to you. What I realised was that our differences are our strengths. That she brings things to him that I don’t and that is not a reflection of me lacking something but that like all our relationships we connect with different people for different reasons. After all, are all your friends that same? Probably not, maybe their is a core of who they are that connects them all and why you like them but surely as individuals they are different and bring different things to your life and friendship. That is why we can have close friends that don’t actually like each other. The same is true of poly relationships. Loving something about one person does not mean that you love another person any less it means you love them for the things they bring to your relationship.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of comparison. We do it all the time. In fact vast sections of the retail and beauty industry is reliant on us doing it. She has better hair than me, I should buy the shampoo she uses. She is thinner than me, I should follow her diet plan. Her skin is lovely, I want mine to be like that. You get the picture. The biggest problem with this is we lose sight of our own value and beauty. Off course that is good news if you want people to buy your make up product or whatever but it is mostly bad news for us as individuals because no matter what make up you buy or holiday you do on or car you own at the end of the day you are still you and being happy with who you are is something that I have found to be really fucking liberating. I can’t say I have cracked it, there are days when I hate my body or beat myself up for not getting enough work done etc but compared to how I felt about myself in my 20’s and early 30’s, well it can’t really be compared at all.

When Michael started out on his relationship with Cara I never could have predicted that one of the most amazing outcomes from it would be that I would gain a best friend from it but that is absolutely the truth of the matter and my life is definitely richer for having her in it.

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  • Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly's Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss

  • Show Comments (20)

  • Marie Rebelle

    OMG this is so beautiful and I think it’s really SO VERY SPECIAL that you and Cara have become such good friends! I am happy that it makes all the nastiness of school fade to the background.
    Beautiful picture too 🙂

    Rebel xox

    • Molly Moore

      Thank you. And school seems very far away now and yet I can’t and don’t think I will ever truly shake it off

      Mollyx

  • Lexy

    This is really beautiful. What a gift all of you are to each other!

  • Jupiter Grant

    How wonderful to have a friendship like this. I can very much relate to your reticence to trust people: I was bullied, too, and find it hard to trust. It is lovely that you and Cara can trust in each other. 💕

    • Molly Moore

      I am very blessed

      Mollyx

  • Andrew

    Love this so much and I too was bullied in school and mainly by female students. This led to me being very insular and I never had a relationship until I was in my 40’s. Now I am exploring my kinky side and I am loving it and learning a lot about myself and meeting the best people in the world

    • Molly Moore

      I truly believe that bullies at school have such a long term detrimental effect on people. It is take far more seriously now but in my day it was rife and no one really did anything to combat it

      Mollyx

  • Kayla Lords

    The picture of you both is gorgeous. And i have never had many friends either but the ones I do have are special because I know they’re real. I am so glad you and Cara have that. 💜

    • Molly Moore

      I count you as one of my special friends, just for the record

      Mollyx

  • J. Lynn

    “Loving something about one person does not mean that you love another person any less it means you love them for the things they bring to your relationship.”

    I wish I could yell this from the mountaintops! That is exactly how I feel about my guys. Neither of them are lacking and they both are amazing men in their own way. I loved reading this, so thank you for sharing your relationships with us.

    • Molly Moore

      You are most welcome. And I think it is one the most important keys to good poly relationships, knowing and accepting that allows you to love more freely

      Mollyx

  • missy

    I put just love that picture of the two of you and am glad that you have found such a great friendship. There is so much to love in this post. missy xx

  • His lordship

    Lovely post Molly. It’s good to read something genuinely positive on a simple, but important element of our lives.

  • NPE

    It is great you were able to find each other in such an unusual way.

  • May More

    Loved that your wrote – “our differences are our strengths” – oh yes how true this is in life
    – I admire you and Cara’s friendship greatly – it is a wonderful thing for you both to cherish x

  • Focused and Filthy

    What a wonderful outcome for both you and Cara!
    I understand how school has shaped your relationships but you’ve always come across as so open and approachable to me maybe I’ve been lucky to meet you in such a safe space for you.
    The image is fabulous and I agree having friends to get naked with are the best!
    Missy x
    PS we must organise a time for photos!!

  • Zebra Rose

    OMG, you three lovely people are each wonderful and collectively adorable – you restore my faith in humanity.

  • Brigit Delaney

    I totally agree about the difficulty of making friends, especially with women, when I was younger. I have some amazing female friends now, but they are all at least 15 years older than me.

    Once I started blogging, however, and found my people, things really changed, though. Where were you all when I was younger? Holy hell things would have been different!

    I think it is amazing what you three have, and I’m learning from it. My husband is poly and interested in finding someone that I will also be friends with. I see that as a tall, but not impossible order. As you have proven.

  • My Naughty Ideas

    Wow! Finding a friend in your husband’s girlfriend is an amazing place to find her. The fact that you two have someone / something that you both agree on that is so core to both of you. Everyone that ever thinks about having an Open Relationship should read this, especially those who are introverts and think it will be the worst idea ever.

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