As it is the 200th Masturbation Monday I thought I would write a piece celebrating all the wanks I have ever had…
I have done it in the kitchen, dinning room and in the front room I have done it on the floor and sofa and in the big leather arm-chair. I’ve done it on the stairs and the landing and in the bathroom sitting on the toilet in the shower and the bath and every which way on all of the days through all of the months in our bedroom.
I have done it in the garden, in my car and on a train but I have yet to manage it in a bus, boat or plane.
I have done it in many fields, a couple of church yards, and a number of woodlands.
My car has been the site of many a joyful wank; In a B and Q carpark using a torch I had just bought as a dildo, waiting for my kids outside school, dancing and a number of times in carparks at various football matches.
I have done it in my childhood bedroom but not when I was a child. In the changing rooms at the gym and once in the Japanese steam room at the gym.
I have done it in a swimming pool, that was at a swingers club and in a hot tub and on the floor of a kink club with two men standing over me watching.
I have done it on Skype for people to watch and on the phone and typing one-handed in various chat rooms. I have stood at my bedroom in broad day light and the dead of night and rested my forehead on the cool glass as I orgasmed.
I have done it reading books and blogs, watching porn and other movies. I have done it during the adverts and so very many times while scrolling through Tumblr and one memorable time at the cinema.
I have cried whilst I have masturbated, and laughed, and felt sick and tired and hungry and angry. An angry wank is wonderful thing in my opinion. I have done it whilst on my period with a towel under my bottom to soak up the blood stained juices and afterwards I have wiped my fingers on my thighs painted red smears onto my pale flesh.
I have done it with partners watching and I have done it silently in bed next to them whilst they sleep. I have done it in the dark hours of the night, the early light of morning and all the various hours in between. I have done whilst pregnant and on a couple of occasions whilst breast-feeding. I have done it because I felt like it and I have done it because he told me to do it.
I have done it with a vibrator pressed tight against my clitoris but mostly I do it with my finger. I even have a wanking nail, I use the nail on my middle finger to rub my clit in just the right spot. In have done it with glass dildos and silicone and wooden ones. I have done it with carrots, a pestle, a beer bottle, the handle of a hammer, a deodorant bottle and of course the handle of a number of different hair brushes.
I may have only discovered my orgasm in my mid 20’s but since then I have done it on every day of the week, every month of the year and every year since then. I done it in the UK and the United States and Greece and France and Portugal. I have done it on my birthday and on Christmas day and most definitely on a New Years Eve.
I have even done it today sitting at this very desk in only a vest, my legs spread, my fingers rubbing urgently at my clit whilst on my screen I watched a man slowly fuck a girl who he had tied to the bed.