2008
I don’t want to be married any more. We are getting a divorce.
“What about the children?”
“You like the money too much”
“What will you do when you are old and on your own?”
“Can’t you wait until the children leave home?”
“What a waste”
“What am I going to tell my friends?”
I did it anyway.
2010
I am going to the USA for a holiday on my own and meeting up with a man I met on the internet
“Who is paying for this?”
“What if he is an axe murderer?”
“What do you even know about this man?”
“You don’t know anything about America”
“What about the children?”
“You are behaving so recklessly”
“Who is making you do this?”
I did it anyway.
2010
I write a sex blog
“That’s disgusting”
“Your relationship is so violent”
“What about the children?”
“Who is making you do this?”
“It is not attractive”
“Your are such a nice girl, why would you do that?”
“I wouldn’t want my girlfriend/wife/mother/sister doing that”
I do it anyway.
2011
We are getting married
“This is a mistake.”
“What do you even know about this man?”
“What about the house?”
“What if he tries to steal all your money/house?”
“What about the children?”
“This is insanity”
“What does his family think about this?”
We did it anyway.
This is just some of the special things that people said to me when I made this big changes/decisions in my life. All of them in some way imply that I am some sort of weak ninny, some even imply that I must be so weak or stupid that this must all be someone else’s idea. Or that I am being manipulated by someone else. And of course there is always the children. In my experience the moment you become a Mother that also becomes open season to use those children to try to manage and manipulate you. The implication being that by thinking about yourself or putting yourself first you are a bad Mother. It is of course bullshit but still a powerful message that has been used to control and suppress woman for centuries.
Sometimes though you have to ignore all the dissenting voices and have the courage of your convictions because in my experience being brave and taking a few risks has been the best decisions I ever made… and the children are absolutely fine.
18 comments