Inside My Mind

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

And what do you see?

Summer, warmth, flowers, delicate and pretty, a sea of yellow blooms, and in the midst of it

Something dark and sinister.

Something so out-of-place that it is wrong and right all at the same time.

I have held onto this picture for a while now because it speaks so loudly to me I have needed time with it, to think, to focus, to let myself be alone with it and all the demons that it brings to mind.

When I shot this in that field on that hot summers day I had an idea in mind, but you never really know if you have transferred idea to actuality until you get home and see it on a bigger screen. On this occasion I discovered I had wrestled my idea into such a powerful image that it took my breath away. It speaks to my desire for danger, to be hunted, captured, ravaged and broken. Fear and desire mingle in my mind. I want it and yet I don’t, not really. Not in its truest form anyway. I can’t help but deny wanting it, I need to protect myself from the darkness of its truth and yet at the right time, with the right person, in the right way. I do want it. I want it so badly my heart races at the thought of it and the wetness coats my cunt.

The contrasts in this image, the beauty and the destruction come together in such a way that admitting to how much I like them feels way more exposing than any image of my cunt ever did. My cunt is just a bit of my body, this image lets you see inside my mind.