I was actually raped at 15 by a guy I knew and trusted. I now know he ‘groomed me’. It took him a lot of time and patience but by the time he was through the front door, had me pushed up against the wall, ripped my knickers down and raped me, he knew that I wasn’t going to be telling anyone. He was right, I didn’t. He looked at porn, but so far as I knew it wasn’t of the ‘rape’ variety. I am fairly certain that in his head he didn’t actually rape me, he thought that I wanted him and he just didn’t want to wait until I was ‘legal’ in case someone else got in there first. (I found out years later I was not his only ‘victim’).

This has not stopped me having rape fantasies. I struggled for years thinking I was sick in the head to have these fantasies given what happened to me, so I tried to suppress them. But now I accept that this is part of my kinky make-up. One could wonder if I hadn’t been raped would I still have the fantasy? I don’t know that answer to that. But I do know that some women who have never been forced have this same fantasy. Let the psychologists decide what the answer is, all I know is that this is one of my kinks and I am not going to apologise any more. I am concerned though, that someone as obviously ‘hung-up’ on rape and fantasy rape, might have a say-so over what I imagine and watch on video/images. He must truly be fixated on rape (possibly he wants to experience it?)

*hug*