I Need To See

The current Kink of the week topic is blindfolds. I found it really interesting that Jade wrote in her introductory piece this “Someone once described the use of blindfolds to me as “BDSM-lite” and claimed that since everyone has tried them at least once, he doesn’t even really classify them as “kinky” play.” And to a certain extent I agree with this statement. I think blindfolds are one of the things that many people have experiment with regardless of whether they are kinky or not but of course it is one thing being blindfolded while your lover performs oral sex on your, or strokes you with a feather before fucking you and quite another thing being blindfolded whilst chained to a cross, whipped and flogged, hot wax dripped onto your burning flesh and then fingered by specially invited guests. Clearly one of these uses of blindfolds is a damn sight kinkier than the other and so although just a blindfold could be accused of “BDSM-lite” when used in conjunction with other play I think it is transformed.

I am not good with the blindfold. I don’t think I have ever once requested it be used when we play and yet like many things that I find challenging I think about it a great deal more than I let on. It certainly features in some of my fantasies and on many occasions I have wondered, in the moment, when the wax drops or the chains rattle what it would be like to not see. The truth of the matter is I like to see. I actually get off on seeing him use me, watching my body contort and react to his touch and most of all, seeing his reaction. The look in his eye as he watches me, the way he stands, the way his body moves and depending on the lighting the bulge in his pants. I love to see the flogger in his hand, the knife as it passes by my face, the whip as it whistle through the air, the candle as it hovers above my skin. If you have ever watched us play at clubs and events you may have noticed that my body is often slightly twisted to one side or another as I turn & move in an attempt to see. I want to be the voyeur of my own destruction. I need to see.

The blindfold presents a fairly unique challenge for me. It removes my ability to be the watcher and in the process removes the kick I get from seeing. Unless something replaces that kick I have found in the past, that the blindfold often works as a frustration to me rather than an enjoyable part of the play. I sometimes wonder if my need to see is about my need to anticipate his actions, is there a part of me that feels more in control when I know what is coming? I don’t believe so; I think if this was the case I would never close my eyes, which I often do. I would spend less time watching his face and more time watching his hands. When I close my eyes I am often picturing what the flogger looks like as it touches my skin, or how the cold steel of the knife looks pressed into my flesh and I think that need to see those things is strongly played out in my photography. The images I shoot betray that voyeurism I get off on time and time again.

Despite all this though I still find myself often wondering about the blindfold.  The times when it has been used, it has transformed the moment into something more unpredictable for me.  The unknown of the situation makes my heart race and the lack of vision only serves to heighten my other senses. I can smell him as he steps close to me, I can hear him move around me and my skin tingles in anticipation of the unknown. Without being able to see myself, to see us, I am reliant on the darkness of my imagination for that and of course that allows me to pepper my mind with other possibilities and likewise allows him to play with that vulnerability and fuck with my perceptions of time, numbers and a wealth of possible implements and combinations that wouldn’t be possible if I could see.

The sound of a door, the whispered words of suggestion clearly come with a more powerful kick when you cannot dismiss them with the firm knowledge that sight brings and so in those moments I am more removed from me and in many ways more connected to the scene and ultimately him. The forging of trust with the one who binds you and uses you when you are blind to the world is powerful, vital and electric. When I think of the blindfold it nearly always invokes memories of being watched/exposed and on one occasion touched by unknown hands and it is exactly that element of mind play, or possibilities that for me the blindfold holds.

I don’t think my enjoyment of the blindfold is about the aspect of heightening my physical senses as such, in fact as I said above by removing one of my senses that plays a massive a part in what I get off on it has at times robbed me of that powerful buzz to such a degree that I have become frustrated and angry. No, for me it is about the combination of sensory deprivation and the heightening of possibilities, a reach into the unknown, a glorious tease. When he takes my sight it his free ticket to fuck with my mind and lead me down the path of my own imagination into a garden of filth that I have secretly planted there for him to find.

Mollyxxx

Ps.. As a result of writing this post we have discovered that we have lost our beautiful leather fur-lined blindfold. He improvised brilliantly and as you can see enjoyed himself thoroughly in the process but it will definitely have to be replaced!

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