Love Trumps Hate

By on November 9, 2016.

Rebels’ prompt this week is romance. As per normal these days I have been busy and not had time to write anything and now I sit here staring at a blank white page wondering what the hell I am supposed to write that might fit the moment.

How on earth can I write about romance when the world is going to hell in a hand-basket? Our political leaders all appear to be doubling down into a pile of stinking shit, although there are a couple of beacons of hope in the form of Nicola Sturgeon and Justin Trudeau. America has just cashed in a black liberal president who has battled for 8 years against the Republican parties’ wall of bigotry and hate to try to achieve something worthy, for a man who jokes about sexually assaulting women and has led a campaign based on hate and fear. This is not a time for romance

and yet…

maybe it is, maybe now is exactly the right moment for romance and love and sex and intimacy because in those things we can find hope and strength and power.

Today I have watched my beloved husband grieve for his country and for all the things he holds true and dear to him. He has cried in a way that I have never seen before and it has truly broken my heart to witness it. I feel so fucking hopeless. I want to make it better, to take away just a tiny bit of the pain for him and I can’t. I offered bacon and a trip to Burger King; he shook his head to both. I know that might sound silly or even trite in the circumstances but it isn’t because it was an attempt to nurture him through these dark moments. Just as I know he would do the same for me.

Romance is not about grand gestures in my opinion and it is definitely not about money. Romance is about the small little things that someone just does. Not for your birthday or valentines (although those things are lovely too) but just because. Romance is when he goes round to the shops to buy milk and comes back with a little bunch of Daffodils for me in the spring because he knows they are my favourite. Romance is when I come home from the gym on a cold winters day and he has run a bubble bath for me. Romance is when he whisks me up in his arms and twirls me around the fruit and veg section in Tesco to the Christmas music. Romance is when he tweets his love for me out into the world. Romance is all the amazing things he has written about me on This D/s Life. Romance is bringing me my coffee in bed when I am sick; cleaning the kitchen when I am out because he knows it will make me happy. Romance is leaving his family, his job, his country, everything he knew to come here and marry me and yes romance is taking someone to Burger King or making them a bacon sandwich when a shit storm of horror just erupted in their world.

I have no idea what the future holds for the world. Trump as President is a terrifying prospect but I do know that my future is with Michael doing the best we can to be the people we are, to raise strong and thoughtful children, to continue to promote and defend the values and beliefs that we know are right and good and true, to stand by those less fortunate than us and to always call out and challenge bigotry and hatred when we see it. Nothing else will do.

We didn’t go to Burger King today, nor was their bacon. Quite frankly they were pathetic attempts to try to heal some of the pain but there was love, there is love, there will be love because that is all I have to offer him today but that counts especially when everything else sucks.

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Molly Moore - Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker
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  1. I cried today too. I allowed myself a couple of hours of wallowing in misery, especially when I listened to the gracious and respectful speech Hillary gave. I just felt so low. But then I remembered what my dear Dad once told me. He was a career military man in our Air Force. He said the President is our country’s commander-in-chief, and we should respect him no matter what. I used to moan and grouse about this or that decision or policy and Dad would say, “So you think you can do a better job?”

    It is a dark time, not just for America, but perhaps for the world. Nevertheless, as citizens of the world, it’s time to stop the name-calling and jeering. After all, we are strong, we have hope, and we should respect and love our fellow men (even if they are buffoons and thick-headed clods.) The only way we can effect change is to go out and make changes instead of sitting home and moping, sulking, and grousing. I may not like Mr. Trump (at all) but I do respect the office of the President. I still live in a great country and four years is not very long, after all. Give that dear man of yours a hug from a kindred spirit in Texas.
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    • I am going to have to slightly disagree with you here. I think you can respect the office of President but not the person who is holding it. None of these bigoted racists respected Obama. Trump actively and openly disrespected him, why should he now be shown respect? People who voted Trump do not deserve respect either, they have voted for hate and bigotry, they are tolerant loving people, they are selfish and intolerant and much of the problem is that they have been allowed their intolerance, they have not been challenged or called out on it enough and now Trump has given them a platform to come out and shout it loud and proud. America gave the world Martin Luther King, today they killed ‘his dream’ dead. Lets hope the nightmare they have ordered up in its place will not completely destroy us all.

      Mollyxxx

      • I did not say I respected him, far from it. I do respect the office and always will. If you look at a chart of young Americans ages 18-25 who voted, they voted for Hillary overwhelmingly. I have hope for a brighter future. I believe most who voted for him are not racist, they chose to ignore his offensive dealings and remarks and are hoping for change in America. Why, I do not understand, when our country is actually in better shape after the past 8 years than it has been for a very long time. And I disagree with your statement that King’s dream is dead. It will never be dead as long as there are free-thinking people alive. As I said, four years is not a very long time. Surely we can bide our time and elect someone much better then! Hope you’re both feeling a bit better today.
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  2. Molly, your post brought tears to my eyes. I have been so angry, so distraught, from the results of this election, and so numb that I couldn’t even cry.

    I relate to how Michael feels. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I just don’t know how to react.

    The news of Trumps assaults on so many women hit me hard… I thought I had dealt with the trauma of my own assaults and rapes, but his election win triggered even more intense trauma.

    I don’t want to be touched. My trust issues are now magnified even more than they were before.

    I am terrified.

    • Hi Rose

      I am so sad to hear all this but I completely understand. I think being faced with the knowledge that so many white women are prepared to vote for a man who openly treats women like this in exchange for their racist views is something that is truly shocking. I can’t tell you it will be OK, or it will get better, because that is pointless words with no foundation but right here and now in this space I can tell you that you have been heard and acknowledge.

      Mollyxxx

      • Thank you, Molly.. I know it will get easier, I’ve had to deal with this several times. I was just not prepared for this to hit me as hard as it did this time.

        One good thing, is that it’s helping me find my voice. I am no longer just ignoring the nasty and negative comments, I’m using my voice to fight back and sharing “facts”. I’m going head to head with some very strong minded, although not every well educated young men (let’s face it, almost all of them are younger than I am), and for once I’m not backing down. I am surprised and amazed, and yet not, at the attitudes of these men. It’s full of entitlement, to the point of gaslighting if you dare to disagree with them. I don’t know if they are getting this mentality from Donald Trump or if he is getting it from his followers.

        Although I consider myself a submissive, but I am also a Feminist. I am a people pleaser, but I refuse to be a doormat. My submission is given to those who have earned. Fortunately, I have a Dominant in my life who has earned it and who is helping me deal with all of this.

        Maybe, just maybe, something good will come out all of this. I can only hope.

  3. I cried when I saw the outcome of the elections, not for myself, but for all the people I consider my friends. You are right, love will always be there and love will conquer everything in the end, even if we have to work damn hard to get there. This post is beautiful, and it brought tears to my eyes all over again.

    Rebel xox
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    • Thank you Rebel. Just to be clear I don’t think love will fix this mess. In fact this election has shown that is absolutely not the case. For these people love is only love as long they like the look of it. They have no tolerance for anyone or anything that is not themselves. However, when the world is shit, the love we share with another person (and our friends and family) is where we can find strength and hope to continue to be the people we are

      Mollyxxx

  4. Beautifully put. I am watching Silverdrop go through much the same as Michael is and I too feel helpless.

    I agree with you that love and romance is in the small things, rather than the grand gestures.
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  5. i’ve read a lot of these comments .. there seems to be a common thread..
    a lack of tolerance for people that don’t think exactly like you.
    i’m on the other side… i watch at least some msnbc every day so i can learn about the other side.
    and since the election all i’ve seen is hatred .
    i know you don’t understand how anyone could vote for trump .. but the people on
    our side know a lot more about hillary than do the people on your side..
    i’m know this because i DO watch the news on your side and YOUR news doesn’t cover
    all of the criminal activity that has gone on with the clintons and their foundations.
    we’ve seen the emails .. we know about the deaths surrounding her ..
    and we know instinctively that a couple that is ”broke” in the year 2000 cannot now
    be worth 250 million dollars 16 years later unless they made promises to foreign countries
    for favors once they were to be elected ..
    i don’t hate the people on your side . i really don’t .. but it’s such a shame when i know
    how misled you have been to the point where you won’t even listen to what the other side says..
    and how does THAT happen … ”indoctrination” by the media , hollywood our universities.
    so no we have half the country that believes the opposite of you … will you try to understand why
    and grow as a person OR .. will you simply hate ?

    • First of all you assume I only watch the UK news. You are wrong about that. I gather my information from a huge and varied source from both sides of the pond. You also assume that I don’t understand or wish to understand, neither of those things are true either. I actually understand why people would be so disenfranchised they would vote that way but I do believe that they have been mislead by where the problems are and more importantly how to solve them. I maintain that Trump ran a campaign that was openly racist and sexiest. His running mate is in favour of aversion therapy to ‘cure gay people’, anti gay marriage, anti abortion and women’s rights. A vote for Trump was a vote for all those things. None of those things support tolerance or acceptance of other people regardless of sex, gender, sexuality, race etc in fact quite the opposite. Voting for that is voting for policies that are full of hate.

      You have come here and made huge assumptions about me, you have accused me of hate when my post was about love and how powerful it is. You are only intent on furthering your own beliefs. Trumps policies abhor me, they go against everything I believe in. I am allowed to have that opinion just as you are allowed to have yours about Hillary but that does not give you the right to come here and imply I am a small person or only capable of hate.

      Mollyxxx

    • I’m afraid you don’t know as much as you think you do. To assume that Clinton supporters don’t know anything about the other side shows a huge ignorance on your part.

      For the record, J, I have been following this campaign for 16 months. I read and study everything, including information on both sides, pro and con. I tried to find some positive things that Trump supported but as time went on it became harder and harder to do so.

      Hate on the side of Liberal Democrat Clinton supporters? Clearly you didn’t watch or attend any of Trumps rallies that called for his supporters to malign, hurt and destroy anyone who didn’t agree with them. Now they are taking him at his word and doing just that.

      I don’t hate anyone, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with and embrace people who hate me simply because I’m a woman, who feels she has the right to consent to who grabs me, as well as the fact of my age, size and religion.. all things Trump has a biased against.

      By saying a “lack of intolerance”, you mean that we don’t just “accept Trump as our president”.. you mean like Republicans did when Obama was elected (and burned him in effigy) and how the GOP has been so supportive of his policies the past eight years? That kind of intolerance????

  6. Another insightful and touching piece if writing Molly. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of hearing of your love for Michael, or his for you and if there were more wonderful people like you both in the world I doubt we’d be in half the mess we’re all finding ourselves in! Long live love!

    Mandy x x x

  7. I couldn’t even write about this last week, it was too raw. I cried. I lost all of Wednesday and part of Thursday to grief. I read everything. Watched everything. I feel Michael’s pain and love that you tried, in even a small way, to help and to be a sparkle in a dreary time.

    I wish I could say I was surprised by the election outcome. I have lived in the deep red parts of America that voted for him all of my life. I hoped HRC would prevail but there was no getting over 30 years of a smear campaign – especially not in a part of the country that is determined to hate any Democrat in power.

    I was scared (I am, still, a little) but I’m more determined than anything. We have to be the change we seek in the world, and maybe this is where progressives can get back to a grassroots effort. I can’t (for myself) do to politics what was done to President Obama for eight years, though. I will oppose the things I detest and don’t believe in, but I can’t oppose everything just for the sake of saying no.

    For right now, I’m watching and waiting and trying to figure out where to direct my energies. I’m learning and reading and paying attention. And yes, I’m worrying and still grieving.

    As for the romance of your piece, the “romance” and love isn’t in fixing the problem, it’s in being there for him (or when JB is there for me) when all looks dark and saying, “I’m here, and I love you, and no matter what hell comes our way, I’m not going anywhere.”
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  8. i honestly find it almost impossible to believe these comments.
    you all sound like a bunch of whiny children. so distraught , scared , hopeless, blah blah blah..
    the country as it was founded went from being nothing to being the worlds greatest
    economic and military power in under 200 years … and we just lasted through 8 years
    of a president who wanted to ”fundamentally change” the usa ..
    why ? is he such a genius that he know better than all of us ?
    we had the same relations with cuba through six presidents and 45 years … but this community organizer that never authored a bill … never had an accomplishment .. he knows better ?
    all over the world there is socialized medicine … THAT DOESN’T WORK … health care in canada
    is awful … i have close friends from canada and they’re constantly telling me how crazy americans
    are for destroying a superior system of FREE MARKET … but obama knows better..
    wakes up one morning and decides …. if a high school boy feels like a girl … he can use the girls room
    … and if you don’t let him .. we’ll deny federal school funds….really ? you people know what high school was like … do you want your 14 year old freshman girl in a bathroom with some 18 year old
    boy who ”says” he feels like a girl and identifies that way ”today” …
    youtube former KGB agent on phil donahue … interesting way the USSR had planned on taking over
    the USA ..start with the universities.. .. done ..
    never before in the history of mankind has a society ever been created where such a large percentage
    of people were so well off … and such a tiny percentage of people lived in poverty …that is
    the result of FREE MARKET CAPITALISM .. and that is what obama fought against..
    HILLARY ? …. hillary is all about money and power … she doesn’t care about kids ..
    her foundation donated 6% of collected funds to the charities … while she and chelsea lived
    like royalty off of donated money …
    c’mon people do some homework … the clintons really are bad people
    conservatism is about small gov’t staying OUT of peoples lives … THAT is a good thing
    start with ”reading” ATLAS SHRUGGED ….

    • This is coming from some who doesn’t even live in the United States. Figures.

      Talk about doing some research. I suggest you do that. You are echoing just what the conservatives want you to believe.

      If the conservatives stayed out government, that would be helpful. But for the past 52 years they have done nothing but. I suggest you do the some research on that!!

      I am an American.. born and raised here and my family history goes back to the Pilgrims. I am a historian and anthropologist and genealogist. If you only read the Atlas, that would explain a lot about your attitude.

      It’s great how you can know very little about American history and politics but seem to think you have a right to force your opinion as a judgment on others by watching from afar.

      • rose, i’m not trying to force my opinion on anyone .. that isn’t how conservatives think..
        that is how liberals think.. try going to a university mention a conservative principle … you’ll get shouted down for being different from the liberal professors that are busy trying to indoctrinate the kids.
        i’m merely stating my opinion .. that is how people learn from each other .
        if we all thought exactly the same way .. or not permitted to speak our minds if they differed from
        the gov’t than that would be like the former USSR … and we see how that didn’t work out.

        your family goes back to the pilgrims , and that makes you an expert ? kind of like saying ”my father is a doctor … so i can operate on you.

        do you have any idea how many people have taken severe beatings because they support trump ?
        including teenage kids, women and a gradeschooler was paddled in class for writing ”trump” on the chalkboard..
        so please – don’t cherry pick violence.. it’s almost all from the left.
        and some of it is even paid for by soros .. who bussed in people to cities to create riots.
        then the news covers these riots as if the people are actually rising up in protest … they are not..
        this is mostly a false narrative.
        are liberals comfortable with mayor bloomberg deciding how much salt they are allowed to have on their food ? how big your soft drink is allowed to be ? or what kink of light bulbs you’re allowed to buy ? … we can’t make these simple decisions in our life but somehow we are smart enough to pick our leaders ? … or is it YOU are smart enough to know how to live your life but others aren’t ?

        when you go out and make money – is it yours ? or does the gov’t decide how it will best serve the people ? how much should an individual pay in taxes ? does it depend on how much they make ?
        why – does the military fight harder for a rich person ? should a person work for the good of the collective society ? or should a person work for their individual best interest ?
        are you saving up money so you can go on a nice vacation or buy a house while others live in the street ? maybe the rich should pay more taxes ? are you aware that the top 1% earners in the usa
        pay 90% of the taxes and the bottom 50% of earners actually take more out of gov’t services than they pay for ?
        the idea of the usa was that everyone could pursue their own happiness .. we are all created equal.
        that doesn’t mean that we all end up with the same amount of ”stuff”..
        obviously i could go on and on … but i’ll just touch on ONE more thing..
        you mentioned that for the last 52 years conservatives accomplished nothing …
        first – why did you pick ”52 years ? in 1964 LBJ was president – a democrat ..
        but maybe your talking about overall conservatives .. in the senate and house also..
        are you aware that the gov’t was set up as 3 EQUAL PARTS … executive – legislative – and judicial branch…. ? it was set up that way to make it very DIFFICULT to make changes..
        the founding fathers new that ANY LAW limits individual freedom – they didn’t want the gov’t to be able to move fast . that is why the bill of rights outlines our FREEDOMS and the GOV’T ‘S LIMITS ..

        There is so much that is misunderstood … much like the university professor from MIT ..
        GRUBER … LOL ..

        • What I’m saying, jackass, is that I am American who studies history and anthropology. You trying to “educate” me about American politics is like me trying to educate you on Brexit.

          I’m done with you. As far as I’m concerned you are nothing but a troll how is bound and determine to cause problems and will no longer subject Molly and her intelligent followers with a “conversation” with a narrow minded troll who thinks he knows everything about everything.

          I know a lot about American history, probably much more than you ever could, so stop being so all high and mighty. You are a troll and I will treat you as such, by ignoring you.

  9. I apologize , i didn’t mean to make you upset.
    what your experiencing is cognitive dissonance. – try to grow from it

    i wish you well

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