Down for the count

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I have spent the last few days debating what to write for the prompt this week. When I first saw that it was countdown it was obvious that I should talk about Eroticon but when I sat down I tried to do so I found myself struggling and so in my usual style I procrastinated and by this morning had talked myself out of it completely. “I will post a Scavenger Hunt instead and be done with it” I thought…. Today has been another busy one and it time to finally sit down and get on with my post and all of a sudden posting a Scavenger hunt feels like copping out so here goes.

Eroticon is in 172 days. It sounds like a long time but actually in the scheme of things it is not. When you take out some time for me to do other work and family stuff and then the madness of Christmas it is going to come around very quickly. It is both an exhilarating and utterly terrifying prospect. So far we have found an awesome venue in London, set up ticket sales, rebuilt the website, written blog posts wrestled social media in some sort of shape, found some amazing sponsors and fantastic speakers.  We have had numerous team meetings, made umpteen phone calls and written tons of emails. It might not sound like much but the three of us have worked our socks off over the last four months and I think the results show that. However we are not anywhere close to being done yet, not even near.

We are all utterly determined to do everything we can to make this conference rock. We want to slump down in some pub in Camden on Sunday the 5th March buy ourselves a large drink and celebrate a job well done. Delivering the best conference possible fucking matters to us but it will not deliver itself and so we work, damn hard, to make it happen. So hard in fact that other things are having to take a back seat and that is where I have been struggling.

Before I continue I want to make it clear that I am not moaning, nor looking for sympathy and I don’t regret taking on this project.

In the last 2 months I have been out with my camera to take pictures once. I spend most my work week working on Eroticon stuff and so when the weekend comes I tend to use that to work on my own personal projects and writing. Not to mention all the usual family stuff  The days off have been few and far between and this last week it all seems to have caught up with me. I am tired and when I say tired I mean TIRED. So tired in fact that it is keeping me awake, go figure, my brain is a pain in the arse sometimes. I have been grumpy, moody, overly emotional, anxious, sad and did I mention tired? I have no fucking idea how or even why Michael has put up with me for the past few days. I have been a right royal pain in the arse. I am sorry for that my love, I really am.

Today we had a small but significant break through in one of the business areas that has been causing quite a bit of my anxiety over the last couple of months. I am not going to go into detail but it is a huge fucking relief to have this one thing, that should have been simple and easy, but because there is a whiff of sex about things, was not, finally sorted out. I should have felt like throwing a mini celebration but in fact I ended up bursting into tears over something completely unrelated and daft and it made me realise that if I don’t manage my time better and take a few days off here and there I might end up in the pub in Camden on the 5th of march with a drink in my hand and a successful conference behind me but instead of enjoying it I might, like today, just end up crying and I don’t mean happy tears either, I mean frustrated, tired ones. It is vital to the conference, to my other work, to my mental health and most of all to our relationship that I listen to him and sort out a better work life balance.

There are 172 day to go until Eroticon. We still have a lot of work to do in order to get ourselves to that pub on the Sunday night but I think we are definitely going to make it and taking a day off once a week is not going to jeopardise that, in fact, this week I have realised that taking some time off is actually going to make a successful outcome much more likely and definitely much more enjoyable.

See you in the pub on the 5th March 2017…