For this last month I have pounded away at this keyboard like a woman possessed. There has been February Photofest, Elust (which is open again for lovely links so get submitting) Kink of the Week, Sinful Sunday and a redesign on the 365 Project to name just a few (see footnote) but what I have spent most of my time doing, when not pounding the key board is reading, tons and tons and tons of sex blogs. Nope, don’t feel sorry for me, it has actually been a pleasure and I really mean that, but it has also been nerve wrecking because when I do something I tend to put my heart and sole into and this project was no exception. Today it is finally done. I hope that people find it a useful resource and that it is seen as a celebration of sex blogging in all its different guises.
However I would be lying if I did not say that it has been a marathon start to the year. It is only March and I feel a little exhausted and I certainly feel like my own blog has suffered. I certainly know that I have not been pulling my weight with This D/s Life. Luckily @domsigns seems very content with the full burden of writing a post a day falling to him but I hate the fact I have not contributed. I plan to change that now.
My photography has also been neglected. That weather in the UK is partly to blame for that as taking self portraits outdoors knee-high in mud can make for some great images but it does make the whole process a damn sight harder and colder. Again, I plan to change that now and the next decent day we have (that means one where there is at least a glimmer of blue sky and no rain) I am going to pack up my things and go and indulge myself in what is probably one of my greatest passions (apart from @domsigns)
So today is Wicked Wednesday and the prompt is Growing Older. I could, quite frankly, write a few thousands words on this topic, many of them would be ranty, some of it would be full of whinging self-pity but the vast majority of it would be celebratory because despite the fact that I absolutely LOATH much of the aging process I also know that with age comes benefits. I am financially stable, the options this affords me in life are most definitely not to be taken lightly or for granted. I know myself better now than at any other time in my life. I can only hope that this continues to be the case and I do not decline into senile dementia any time soon. My body, despite the fact that age does things to it that make me fucking rage, is strong and healthy but most of all with age has come true happiness. I am fairly sure if I had met @domsigns when I was much younger there would be no way we would be together now. Put aside the obvious stumbling blocks that we were both married to other people for now because that is not what I referring to, what would have been the real stumbling block would have been my lack of bravery because if there is one thing age has bought me it is a willingness to fly by the seat of my pants and just fucking do stuff. It is that attitude that got my on the plane to the USA that very first time to meet the man I had fallen in love with on the internet and it was also that attitude that resulted in the birth of this blog. As time passes you realise that waiting for tomorrow, over thinking it, over planning it, might mean you don’t actually do it and when I look back on my life so far all the things I regret the most are the things I didn’t do, not the things I did.
At 20 and even at 30 I would have been far too terrified of the ‘what ifs’ to both start a blog and to get on that plane but by my late 30’s all that had changed. Time felt like it was flying by and I was mainly not having fun. I took a conscious and bold decision to change that, starting with leaving my first husband, not something I did lightly I can tell you, but something that really did change the whole course of my life. Now here I am, 43, married again and somehow I have become a sex blogger, a fairly prolific, well-respected one too. At 20 I had dreams, at 30 I had forgotten them, at 40 I started living them. Getting old (the physical part of it) mainly fucking sucks, but the rest, well somehow it makes up for downsides meaning that though the flesh might not be quite so perfect it is far more willing than it ever was to take risks and be bold.
Footnote: Why do i do all this stuff? Well that is easy, because I fucking LOVE it. It feeds my creative soul in ways I can not explain in words. I am fairly sure I am addicted to it but as addictions go this is one I have no intention of ever giving up.