People are evil, mean and insane. They do things to themselves and others that are unconscionable.
People, lie, steal, cheat, rob, kill and rape. They do it for many reasons, none of them excusable.
Here is an example.
In the interest of full disclosure I should say that I am the Dominant in a 24×7 D/s relationship. We own many of the items recovered from the scene in this horrific crime. We do things that many would find objectionable. It is our motivation for doing these things that sets us apart from the people in that story.
We practice BDSM because it comes from a place of love and trust for us. We explore the edges of our sexuality in a way that involves our full consent and causes no harm. I know you will look at the last sentence and scoff… Harm? I have seen the pictures and read the words, you do cause harm. To a casual observer that might look to be the truth. But it is far from it. To me harm means to damage, break, and hurt someone in a way that can not be repaired whether that is emotionally or physically. I would be devastated if I thought I had ever done that to the woman I love.
Let me be clear about BDSM. It is not the easy path. It is fraught with danger and risk. If you are not careful it can cause other people harm. This is not something that is for everyone. But we have each consented over and over that this is a path that we wish to explore. That we are aware of the risks and take all precautions to keep us both from harm. We live our lives fairly openly so that the world around us can see that our relationship is happy and healthy. We know many people in similar relationships who do the same. But just like the world at large there are predators. True predators, not the kind you see in fiction put there to give you the thrill of a bit of safe danger. People who I would not trust, as my wife says, “with a feather duster”. These people will take advantage of any situation to their own ends. They truly do not care about anyone’s needs but their own. We warn each other about these people. But there are no more of these people in the BDSM community than there are in the wide world. To claim that because the world is more aware of BDSM and therefore this evil has a home and a refuge is naive.
Some of you are probably thinking “Hey, if this stuff is dangerous, why do you do it?”You might as well ask the same of a Skydiver, or Free Climber or Astronaut (none of which my wife will let me do). Life is dangerous, you choose what risks to take and which risks to avoid. We have decided to take this journey together, as safely as we can while we explore what turns us on. We do it with our eyes open, with our love and our communication fully engaged. I hope you do the same even if BDSM is not your thing.
I do not claim any of the following things:
BDSM is safe
BDSM will save your marriage/sex life
BDSM will fix your depression/sanity
BDSM will make you happy/rich/better looking
BDSM will make you popular
What I do claim:
It works for us and we would do it even if the interwebs and FsoG never existed.
The story you read above is not about BDSM it is about a psychopath who found a vulnerable woman. That does not make us like them.
*This is the 1st post in the A – Z blogging Challenge