Feels Like The First Time

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My first kiss – I was 14, it was in my parents front room. It was rather wet and slobbery and I remember being fairly unimpressed.

My first time having PIV sex – In my childhood bed with my then boyfriend. I was 16, as was he, between us we knew barely anything but we did use a condom. He was very sweet and gentle but a bit like the kiss a few years earlier I remember coming away from it fairly unimpressed and thinking that there must be something more to it than this (luckily I was right about that assumption)

I could go on with firsts, at my age I have many; first marriage, first baby, first job, first car, first blow job, first orgasm and so on but as I started pondering the prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday I realised that by looking at firsts in this way one is drawn back to the past and before you know it I find myself letting out a sigh at all that has been and gone and although I try not to regret, it does tends to lead me to feeling melancholy about all the wasted time and missed opportunities. We don’t get another go at things and for me, as I age, I find that a depressing thought at time.

When we are young, 16, or 18 or even early twenties, our ‘firsts’ are often but also they are promising and exciting. We jump at them, relishing them, almost consuming them with a hungry greed and filled with a youthful belief in our invincibility and a whole life ahead of us. We take that, more than anything else, for granted. As we age, firsts change; their frequency reduces for obvious reasons and we find ourselves looking back on them more and experiencing them less. Or do we?

I think that actually we continue to experience many firsts but their significance in our lives is what actually changes. When we are young they seem special and important, they are milestones, often very significant ones, in our development as people and as such, are precious. They are part of what shapes and informs us and makes us who we are today. As we age we are at risk of losing that joy of ‘firsts’ or even at times losing sight of them happening altogether. That youthful exuberance with which we previously approached them is diminished or even at times complete gone and we forget or just miss, those funny little firsts that happen to us every day as life tends to gobble them and us, up.

I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose the silly mundane firsts in the hurly-burly of everyday life. I want to savour them, enjoy them and take time to give a nod to them each day, even if they are just silly little things. Today I bought a bunch of daffodils for the first time this year. Nothing major but it made me smile because it made me think of spring time, warmer days, more light and hopefully less rain. Then there are bigger first, they don’t happen every day, imagine life if they did. I think it might be exhausting but I think no matter how old we are having dreams and aspirations for firsts should be something we make part of our lives. My 101 things in 1001 days is a perfect example of this. There are many firsts on there, some of which I have already achieved but even more excitingly there many that I still have to look forward to and that is the key for me. Firsts that have been and gone are important, I like to look back and remember but the real joy of firsts is those yet to happen. No matter how old we are there are always firsts to look forward, the past is interesting but the future is really exciting and when I think about firsts it is to the future that I want to look.

Mollyxxx

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