It is nearly time for me to pack my bags and catch my plane to Atlanta as Eroticon USA is quite literally just around the corner. I will be involved in 2 sessions at the event. My top 10 tips for writing a Sex Blog (which I will finally publish here once this event is over) and a panel discussion along with Jade of Kink and Poly
When real life and sex writing collide
A panel discussion re: sex blogging & real life: when they mix, how they inform each other, the consequences of being out/open on relationship/work/family.
Jade and I recently spent a rather wonderful hour or so on skype together discussing our own thoughts and ideas for this panel. Although we are both fairly ‘out’ about our work neither of us started that way and for both us issues have arisen along the way. However when we were talking we decided that we also wanted to hear other people’s thoughts, experiences and any questions you may have around this topic.
So, if you are a sex blogger we would love to hear about your experiences with regards to your blog and your real life. Do your family, lovers, partners, friends know about your blog? Does it play an active part in your sex life? Are you completely anonymous, partially anonymous or out and open about your blog and why? Have you ever had a bad/negative experience as a result of your sex blog? Alternatively what has been the positive impact of your blog on your life? Anything else?
Likewise, what topic do you want to hear about specifically, or what question do you want answered?
If it was just you and I (or you and Molly, or you and I and Molly!) having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine together, what questions would you have for us about how our real lives and blogging intersect?
You don’t have to be an attendee to ask (although it would be so much fun if you were!) and no question is too large or too small – ask us anything! Both of us hope to recap the session on our blogs afterwards and hopefully answer any of your questions that way if you are not coming to the event. Or follow us both on Twitter (details below) and keep an eye on the #eroticonusa + #mollyjade tags
Leave your comment, questions thoughts in the comment box, or head over to Jade’s blog and use the form she has which will allow you to submit anonymously if you wish.
Mollyxxx
You can follow me on Twitter @mollysdailykiss
You can follow Jade on Twitter @piecesofjade
You can follow Eroticon on Twitter @writesexright
8 comments
Oooh definitely a panel I’d love to see and hear. I think I’d be in the partially anonymous category myself. I have no problem talking about my blog to strangers, kinky friends and online but when it comes to vanilla friends and family, I think they don’t know. Some know about my kinky side but none have seen my sex blog. I’m pretty sure my vanilla friends wouldn’t be too surprised though and find it pretty cool. My family is pretty cool and open minded as well but that’s definitely different then my friends.
The main reason I’m keeping it partially anonymous is because of work and job opportunities though. That’s the only thing that I keep in the back of my mind, to ensure that I keep doing what I love to do. It’s sad yes to let that stand in the way but it’s needed since I have no other way to support myself at the moment. So better safe then sorry in my eyes. ( I do tend to be a little paranoid with what I share online)
So far I have been lucky is all aspects except one. My family are all very religious with my mother leading the parade by having me #1 on her prayer list. It wasn’t even a sex blog of mine she read but rather a story that had sex in it. Of course I am going strait to hell on the slippery slope of carnal living.
I just struggle on how to deal with her in the recent development of me becoming a sex blogger.
I say I am pseudo-anonymous: I don’t publicise that me, as my “real life” identity writes under John D and have books on Kindle under both my real name and my pseudonym.
However, some people at work have read “On The Run” and that has a link to my website, and my sister showed my parents my website many months ago and only an ignorant fool would think that they haven’t returned out of curiosity.
I also attend a writers’ group and they know I write erotica, as do loads of people. It’s an open secret, but I don’t want anyone searching for my real name and finding my erotic site.
The problems this causes? Few.
I have found that certainly since the start of the year, I have wanted to try much more and we have been more experimental in the bedroom. This has been a big plus as I am happier with our sex life now that any part of my life.
I have always found that if I am feeling low or down, I tend to shut myself off from the world, and while this only lasts for a few hours normally or maybe a day or two. This always has lead to someone always tweeting or emailing me if I am OK as I am usually quite active on Twitter, and this is an example of the fantastic community that surrounds the sex blogging world (as it were).
It also has the other side of the coin that when I was thinking of walking away through my own personal stresses getting on top of me, I didn’t feel able to just walk away without explaining myself and this lead to unexpected replies to my post on my site. It, in part, made me think.
The other problem it has sort of caused is a couple of readers who have proved to be quite aggressively nasty with comments or email feedback, and while I don’t care too much about it, a couple of times I got it at a bad time and it affected my mood in a way that it shouldn’t or wouldn’t nromally.
I don’t find my site takes up too much time; I allocate my evenings accordingly and try to limit my time. That said, writing makes me more relaxed and happy; it’s my fantasy world and escapism. I forgot that a few weeks ago: remembering why I do what I do which is key.
So I guess out of this that I am a manager, a school governor, a parent and an erotic author. Though not everyone knows the latter. 😉
Hope this answers all your questions Molly.
I made the mistake of following one of my friends on Twitter with my anon Twitter account. He spotted a story on the blog that I’d already told him about, and he sussed me out. He hasn’t blabbed though, thankfully! Not as far as I know, at least. Otherwise, I’d like to stay anonymous rather than risk my job / never have sex again.
I’ve blogged about this before, but to be brief, Lo and I are not open and out about our blogging life. First, the immediate circle would be rather judgmental – siblings, parents, close relatives. I fear they’d try to interfere with our relationship if they knew. Second, of our friends, probably many of them would be ok with it, but if I post something about cumming on Lo’s feet, I don’t think I’m totally fine with everyone thinking about that at the next cocktail party we host (or, maybe I am, I don’t really know). Third there are professional concerns. Lo works in the sexual health field and though most of her colleagues are probably open-minded, I’m sure she doesn’t want her next boss looking over her Tumblr page before making the decision to hire her or not. I, for my part, live a rather public life and I don’t need that sort of distraction from my work. Our blog is an outlet – a place to tell our closest friend (you) about our most intimate encounters. We hope you enjoy the stories.
MOLLY – Hope this isn’t too late to be of interest . . . Oh, and I so wish I was there!!!
I have only been blogging for 18 months or so, still a newbie!
None of my family, nor my “vanilla” friends know about Modesty Ablaze. It’s certainly not because I’m ashamed of our life, nor the fact that I occasionally blog about it. It’s just that I respect the fact that people have different morals and views on relationships etc. My immediate family would, I’m sure, be shocked by the way Hubby and I enjoy and share our lifestyle. But I hope that should they ever discover what we do, they would realise that it hasn’t made us worse parents or worse friends. In fact we believe it has been quite the opposite . . . we’ve been together for over 30 years and feel our relationship has become even stronger and more fulfilling with every year that passes, and every new experience that we share. And we both also feel it has actually made us better people, and better parents. Our children are now in their early 20’s and we hope that they would see from the loving and caring and fun environment they’ve grown up in, that they have benefitted from every aspect of our marriage (the “normal” things, as well as the “different” things).
As for my own friends . . . several of them know (small details) of our open-relationship. But none of them know about Modesty Ablaze. Would I be upset should they find out? No I wouldn’t . . . but of course I would quickly ask them to be responsible about how they read and viewed and shared their discovery.
It’s a difficult balance isn’t it, trying to justify, explain that balance between wishing to remain anonymous / private and yet . . . for me at least . . . sometimes wishing I could shout out to all of my friends (or anybody) who feel unhappy, or bored in their relationships “try something new, different, exciting . . . you might LOVE it as much as I do”.
We HAVE told several of my lovers and swingers-friends about Modesty (and some have even participated with us in our MLNP videos) and I have met some wonderful people . . .yourself included LOL!!! . . . both online and in person at events like the London Eroticon earlier this year. And that has been one of the joys of blogging for me. Sharing and exchanging and learning about other things with like-minded people.
BUT I suppose the most fulfilling thing about publishing my blog has been receiving so many emails and compliments from people. I never ever expected that people would find or visit my web-page when I began. Modesty was started as a spur-of-the-moment indulgence, a giggle, a dare . . . to suddenly start receiving compliments and then emails from people from all over the world telling me how much they enjoy reading me and even how it often helps and inspires them as well, has given me so many warm and tingly moments.
So I would ask BOTH of you those very same questions. Have your blogs given you excitement and inspiration in ways you never expected they would? And, have they led you into trying new things and new areas that you possibly wouldn’t have indulged in had you not been blogging?
Hope you have lots of fun there (so, so envious!!) and I look forward to reading all of your reports.
Xxx – K
I just started blogging a little over a month now and you’d expect, since I live in Vegas, that your peers wouldn’t pass judgment but they do. I have a pretty open view in life, thus my choice not to be anonymous only suits my personality. My family back at home probably knows about it, yet I care little of how I am perceived by them. I suppose to top it all off, I am still legally a Doctor’s wife. His prominent role in the community has sort of been in the crapper when word got out of my blog.
He and I are now separated, and to be honest, that is the reason I started the blog in the first place. He has been quite supportive of my choice and even contributes articles.
My sex life isn’t any different compared to how it was before. I have to admit I do miss having the option to have him in moments of passion. It maybe easy to find a friendly fuck, although it is hard to filter through them all and find a potential suitor.
Hope it helps!
Jayde Ox
So I missed Eroticon, much to my chagrin. I wanted to be there, but life intervened, and I wasn’t able to be. I suppose it’s too late for me to weigh in on this subject, but here are just a few thoughts.
I’m somewhere between in the open and anonymous. I have a number of friends in real life who know the basics of the life I detail in the blog, and who know that I have a blog. But, to my knowledge, only one or two of them actually know about the blog itself. (I suppose there’s one who most likely has done the work to figure out where the blog is, but he’s never mentioned having found it.)
I’m more comfortable in a world in which people who know me as N.’s alter ego don’t have to know all that I write about in my blog. It’s more out of respect for them, for their right to know what they wish to know about me in the context of our friendships. On my blog, I operate from the presumption that I can say anything, that I will say anything. That’s not, honestly, how any friendship works – even my closest ones. In my closest friendships, much of what I write about never comes up. It’s just not that natural, for example, for me to talk to my close childhood friends about what happens in my bedroom (with T or with anyone). I don’t particularly want to subject our friendships to a level of emotional intimacy that’s not in keeping with the structure of those friendships.
And by the same token, I like the compartmentalization that the existence of N offers. N may well be a husband and a father, in addition to being a slut. And while N sometimes worries about, or thinks about, parenting, or husbanding, he doesn’t worry about mundane things such as child care or cooking dinner. About which things I most certainly do worry. It’s nice to have a line drawn somewhere.
Where? The answer is different for each of us.